Donali inspired me to start this new thread. She has been providing information to us regarding Morbid Obesity being a disease, which is a very powerful topic for all of us.

Lately I've been discovering that there are many different categories that we fit in, so I was wondering what category you are in. I don't have labels for the categories, but let me start by telling you why I am obese.

First, my family history includes severe mental illness (Mom, aunt, etc.) I inherited a branch of mental illness - Generalized Anxiety Disorder, which had me extremely ill in my youth. My panic attacks have been under control for years, but I still have many anxiety-related problems, one being that I never stop thinking, and at night, the thoughts are consumed by food. Part of the reason I'm obese is becaseu I can't fight the mental struggle to eat for long periods of time. That part of my brain is stronger than the sensible part.

But my biggest problem is portion control. I'm obsessed by enormous quantities of food. I simply don't understand how anyone could order just one taco, or have a small serving of anything. With me, it's all or nothing. I would rather fast all day than to eat one chicken thigh. It's torture. A half gallon of ice cream is two servings. A family dinner is two servings.

And mine is all a night time disorder. Someone baked us fresh Cookies, all warm and steamy, and I didn't even look at them. I don't give a damn about food during the day. I feel like a monster.

Sooverit,

Thank you so much for your kind words. I know I need to find out why. Believe me I tried. My doctor even sent me to an endocrinologist in Houston for testing. I went through every test imaginable and he said he couldn't find a thing, but my food diary supported what I was telling him. He told me it was more than likely a genetic problem and in his experience NOTHING i ever did would help me lose more than 18% of my total body weight. At 260 lbs., that just wasnt' good enough. I went home and cried for 2 weeks. At the time, lap band was not available. (This was about 10 years ago) I'm a firm believer in antioxidents as well. I take daily shots of pomegranate juice, eat berries as often as possible, etc. I think this is the only thing saving me from knee replacement. I can only pray and have faith that this will work. Is there anyone else out there like me????? Did lap band help you?

Aubrie... did the endo look at whether you have PCOS? I was diagnosed almost 30 years ago and my daughter has it too. One of the problems with PCOS is that you gain weight, seemingly for no reason. Coupled with this I had terrible sugar cravings. My doctor at the time told me 2 things: "lose weight" and "when you want to get pregnant we can help you." Not much help really. I couldn't stick with a diet long enough to lose and I got pregnant without his help. LOL

Anyway, last year I saw a TV show about a woman who gained no matter what she did. Turned out she had PCOS, but now days they actually try treating it with medication. I finally asked my current doctor about it and she prescribed the same meds for me. I cannot say it made me lose more than a couple pounds but it TOTALLY helped with the sugar cravings and I stopped gaining, which is at least something. Between the lack of cravings and the band I feel like I finally have the tools for success available to me. I'm going for my band May 2nd. Woohoo!!! :clap2:

One last thing. I found out yesterday at my psych eval that there are antidepressants that CAUSE weight gain. Don't know if this is a factor for you or not... but I was sure surprised to hear it.

Good luck with everything.

I asked my current OB/GYN about PCOS. I do have cysts, but not those kind. I had a hysterechtomy 2 years ago, and my doctor looked at my ovaries while he had me opened up. That was not there. Interesting that you asked about the antidepressants though.... I have read medical journal articles that in some rare cases, prozac has caused thyroid damage. That sure would make sense in my case, but why the thyroid medication doesn't work is a mystery. You all have been so sweet. As a newbie to this board, I am touched by the level of support you get here. THANKS for listening.

Aubrie: I also had a hysterectomy, which sped up menopause. My doctor prescribed Prozac (for the menopause symptoms) and I gained 75 lbs on it. I started asking around and a recurring theme began... that almost everyone I know who has taken Prozac for extended periods of time, gained weight (naturally, there are those rare few who didn't, but no such luck for me). I have been off Prozac for 4 years, but unfortunately the weight just fall off, the way it came on. Are you still taking antidepressants?

I'd also like to thank everyone on this thread... I draw from most all of your stories and appreciate your cander and support.

I think I am fat for several reasons, not the least of which is that I have a small starving Chinese child living somewhere inside me who continues to remind me to clean my plate because of the starving children in China.... I am hoping Dr. Spivak will excise that little kid when he puts my lap band on!

The other is, it's a whole lot easier not to have to deal with people by being fat. Gives me an excuse to hide from the world and not deal with folks.

Ok, I think I'm fat for many reasons also. I have a skinny father that verbally is abusive about eating ( but he doesn't even no he does it). I have a heavy mother that I guess I took after. I really gained the weight when I lost my first baby when I was eight months pregnant, then went into a bad depression ( so I liked food). then almost lost my son during my pregnancy for him, was on bed rest from 7 months on. and only wanted pasta foods( spegetti, goulash, mac & cheese). so gained alot of wait there. Then the father of my son left me and I went into a depression, ate and closed myself off to the world. with family's help, got back on my feet but then quite smoking and gained. Then found a loving guy that I'm happy with now and got pregnant again, yep gained more weight. Then after a year I went into a depression not sure what put me there that time but I think the weight helped. I also have 4 family members on my mothers side that has had the gastric bypass, which includes my mother. so the odds where that I was going to be fat. so thats why I'm FAT.

I LOVE food...our entertainment is going out to eat...our lives are always surrounded by food... AND --we are also Southern Baptist....we have more fellowship dinners than anyone else...

I use to eat large portions...portion control was a big part of my problem....I know that it is not just what I eat, but how much I eat...

Di

I soooo can relate to what you wrote. This is a slow process and we may have gained it faster than we lost it- but this whole process will be worth it in the end!

I haven't always been fat. I was like a size 8, and I used to think I was fat then. How I would kill for that now; but when you're an 18 year old girl - I think we all, unfortunately, think we're fat. Sad!

I had my son in May, 2000 and had the worst depression/bipolar experience that lasted 2 whole years. I took every medication available (i mean every) but to no avail. It packed on the pounds too, but food helped me. It was the only thing in the whole world that gave me a brief moment of escape from the pain; maybe even a moment of brief pleasure. I think now, almost 5 years from recovery, that it may have been one of the only things that kept me from doing the unimaginable.

Now for 5 yrs, I've been on auto pilot. Happy when I eat, planning meals, loving to cook and experiemnt with food, fininshing an entire serving of take out - when it can feed 3. The same as many of you. Our beginings and stories may be different, but I think we all suffer the same.

I was banded last week and I'm trying hard to figure out the new me. I'm holding on to the old me because she's familiar and safe; but I think I need to open up to my new world. Thank you all for letting hear your stories.

Nitty - So many of us use food for comfort from emotional pain. It works somehow, but it is a double edged sword. I am trying to thank the system that has helped me cope with the rough road of my life, but telling the "fat seeker" that there is a new healthier me here right now. I want to feel my pain not hide from it. I feel ready. That is part of my journey. I wish you well. I have always had to use food for comfort, and the health issues have become so apparent there isn't another choice for me. I want to change so I can live. Which means I will have have to feel my pain, depression, and perhaps feel more joys, I hope.

Best wishes.

Michelle

Dear Dyna, I can't helping thinking that maybe life doesn't have to be so painful? I know you probably do this already ..but I think for me daily outdoor exercise, weight training, yoga/meditation and making a goal to try to eat foods that help my body not my mind, all help to get to a frame of mind that what ever pain comes my way I am in much better shape to handle it and don't just go for the easy fix.

Best to you,

Marg

..

Dear Dyna, I can't helping thinking that maybe life doesn't have to be so painful? I know you probably do this already ..but I think for me daily outdoor exercise, weight training, yoga/meditation and making a goal to try to eat foods that help my body not my mind, all help to get to a frame of mind that what ever pain comes my way I am in much better shape to handle it and don't just go for the easy fix. It sounds so simple and I fall off the wagon but at least I know what I need to do now!

Best to you,

Marg

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Sooverit - I agree that life shouldn't have to be so painful, but consider that I have numbed out over the years not to feel to the point that when feelings break through, not using food for comfort, it is a great thing for me to feel, even the old stuff. I am NOT on a pity party, this is just part of my healing process (that i am working out in therapy). It has been really helpful and I only shared it in case there are others out there who have followed the numbing path in response to life dramas.

I agree that healthy foods, exercise and positive thinking will take me closer to the person I deserve to be. It has taken me a while to want to live, be healthy, want to move, and to feel I deserve those things.

I appreciate your support and interest.

Best to you,

Michelle

Wow... okay this is my first post but i just had to get in on this one. I think the first clue for me came not long ago when my mom told me as a baby she used to put honey on my pacifier. There is 11 months between myself and my older brother. I think I wanted comfort and she gave me food. Or I wanted food and she gave me sugar. Then we have my mother's own battle with weight. So she became obsessed with everything I ate and my weight. Regardless of my activity level or my personal feeling about my weight she was sure I was fat and needed to loose weight. My father was on the other side demanding we eat everything including new foods (whether you liked it or not) and if we went out to dinner... YOU ATE EVERYTHING! He took it as waste and severe disrespect to not eat all you were given.

I think food became a passive aggressive struggle, defying my father and mother and still trying to please them both. My father was physically abusive and has rage issues and a life long weight problems.

My mother used food as a treat for herself, she had special food just for her that we were not allowed to eat.

I know it is not fair to lay all of the reasons I am MO at their feet but I can't help but see how they related to food and me helped set me up for eating troubles. I love food, one taste is never enough. I eat when sad, happy, love to have dinner parties. I love cooking. I am sugar freak. chocolate and sweets are my addiction. I was a closet eater, I would hide food around the house and eat it when my husband was gone or the kids were sleep. it was something I deserved, it was my way to treat myself, to love me. How wrong I was. i am trying to deal with this. I am only 6 days post op so I dealing with the liquid diet. I am confused by the different post op diet options. The clear liquid only for two weeks is very hard I am so hungry most of the time. I have started eating apple sauce and yogurt just so my stomach doesn't growl all the time. thanks for this thread and for all your posts. THey make me feel less alone on the journey.

Why am I fat? I ask myself all the time WHY ME? Why can't I have that wonderful metabolism of others that can eat all day and not gain a pound? IT STINKS! My band had helped me tremendously with maintaining my current weight. I have lost 100 pounds, and have stayed the same for about a year now. I need to lose at least fourty more, but my mind won't let me do it. i still obsess about food daily, and it seems the foods that agree with me the most are the ones that are not so great for me. I can relate to many of the other posts about being depressed. I have been depressed for years, and have also had severe anxiety issues. FOOD was always my friend. One way I sum it up is food is my addiction, just like alcohol, or drugs for someone else. I just take it each day as it comes.