Donali inspired me to start this new thread. She has been providing information to us regarding Morbid Obesity being a disease, which is a very powerful topic for all of us.

Lately I've been discovering that there are many different categories that we fit in, so I was wondering what category you are in. I don't have labels for the categories, but let me start by telling you why I am obese.

First, my family history includes severe mental illness (Mom, aunt, etc.) I inherited a branch of mental illness - Generalized Anxiety Disorder, which had me extremely ill in my youth. My panic attacks have been under control for years, but I still have many anxiety-related problems, one being that I never stop thinking, and at night, the thoughts are consumed by food. Part of the reason I'm obese is becaseu I can't fight the mental struggle to eat for long periods of time. That part of my brain is stronger than the sensible part.

But my biggest problem is portion control. I'm obsessed by enormous quantities of food. I simply don't understand how anyone could order just one taco, or have a small serving of anything. With me, it's all or nothing. I would rather fast all day than to eat one chicken thigh. It's torture. A half gallon of ice cream is two servings. A family dinner is two servings.

And mine is all a night time disorder. Someone baked us fresh Cookies, all warm and steamy, and I didn't even look at them. I don't give a damn about food during the day. I feel like a monster.

Well, I think my overweight stems from several things. First, I have a great-grandmother, a grandfather, a grandmother, and my dad who are all very overweight. My grandfather not so much anymore, due to he became diabetic and had to lose weight. I have a little overweight coming from moms side as well. Second, I also LOVE sweets. I can stay away from them if I am not hungry, but I binge if I am hungry. Third, and I think this has as much to do with it as the others combined....I was not raped, but some things happened to me when I was in the 4th or 5th grade. I didn't know who to tell, I was embarrassed, so I tried to tell my friends. They LAUGHED at me, and made remarks like"who'd want to do that to you? You're not pretty. They must have been desperate." etc. These are not quotes, mind you, but a general idea of what was said. I have not spoken to a psychiatrist or anything, but I personally believe that is why I overeat, because subconsciously I want to be unattractive so it won't happen again. Or something to that effect. I was also a bit promiscious as a teen, and I think Iwas trying to prove to myself that yes, someone DID find me attractive in that way......

Thats why I am fat...........

Kristi

Thanks for posting this thread...I haven't reallly explained my ideas to anyone else before, and it feels goood to get it off my chest.

Food is comfortable for me. I just love the full feeling, if i'm not full i think I have to eat something. I know enough to make healthy choices, i keep bowls of fruit in the kitchen, i don't buy snack foods. I overeat on meals, because I eat like it's thanksgiving, until i'm stuffed to the gills, lol.

It's like being in a zone, i'm not satisfied unitl all of the food is gone. I even finsih what my kids leave. I crave sweets, but only allow myself dessert once a week.

the only exception to this lifestyle is when I am pregnant, I have no appetite, two bits make me full if I am hungry, and I don't have an attachment to the food like I do normally. Ironically, I only lose weight by having a baby!

I'm hoping the lapband gives me the appetite as when I am preggo.

Sweet, my weight goals are the same as yours. Do you know when you are being banded? I think I AM ready. I just get really freaked out when hearing words like "slippage", "PBs", "vomitting", "growling", "erosion" and most importantly "weight gain" if the band is removed. My intention is to rejoin weight watchers with my mom (who is on maintenance) to correct my lapsed eating judgment. I was very disciplined while on WW, but lost the initiative when the weight stopped dropping. I think with the tool (the band) and the support of WW I will be okay. I am concerned though about how I will be viewed (in WW) and/or treated if it becomes known that I have been banded. WW is all about natural weight loss, but I think some of us really do need a little help. It has been emphasized that the band is not supposed to be looked at as something that will be put in just long enough to reach a weight goal and then removed, but I have to admit that if how I am currently looking at it. I am uneasy with having a foreign body inside of me, which is why I am trying to become involved in other intervention methods and behavioral management programs. I have so many thoughts flying through my mind...I just want to get it over with and it has barely even started lol

Angy, I don't have a date yet, my first appointment is monday! I can hardly sleep I am so excited!

Why are you fat?

Because toast and apple butter go so well with Saturday morning cartoons...family means fried chicken and mashed potatoes...do you want a small helping or alot? "Alot please."...there's always cookies in the house...An apple or a Star Crunch? "Two Star Crunches, please."...You don't have to be active to enjoy music in your headset...what else do people do at 2AM but eat?...family means fried chicken and corn...sweet cereal every morning is a great way to start the day...Do you want extra butter on your pancakes?"Of course!"...custardy French toast tastes so good when Mrs.Buttworth makes 'em...baked fish?YUCK...an orange or a Ding Dong?"Ding Dong, please."...Land Of The Lost comes on at eleven and its time for lunch...family means fried chicken and apple pie or cheesecake...cheesecake...cheesecake...Blue Bell tastes just like the good ol' days...it's not a salad without ranch dressing...there is still some spaghetti on the stove...A banana or a cupcake?"Cupcake, please."...family means fried chicken and french fries...cornbread dressing on the side...two pans worth...or three...family means fried chicken and cornbread dressing...cheesecake..."Honey, did you get plenty to eat? We got more if you're still hungry"...you can have some Oreo cookies after you mow the lawn...funerals mean banana pudding...

Is this enough?

I too am a smell and texture junkie!!!!!

And I just love food, the way it looks, smells and tastes and the memories associated with all my favorite comfort foods.

I have been slightly overweight most of my life. Not obese but probably 10-15 lbs over. Since my mid 30's I have steadily gained, year after year. Trying and failing at countless diet and exercise programs. (But suceeding in achieving morbid obesity), what a lovely title.

I was hopeless, depressed and starting to develop co-morbidities.

So I started researching WLS. And here I am.

Missy that sounds like me - the past 16 years I put on about 80 lbs, thats an average of about 5 lbs a year, but with all of my dieting ups and downs... its just been crazy - and yes I do love food, I always have but when I was younger I could binge and then not eat again for 24 hours and it never bothered me. Of course I lived on coffee and cigerettes then too. I quit smoking for real 16 years ago - after 14 years of not smoking I started again - I always had it in the back of my head that I could go back to the cigerettes and coffee thing and lose weight, well that was a lie right out of the pit of hell! I still loved food and ate just like I always did but now I had coughing fits and couldn't walk without being out of breath. So I quit smoking 1 1/2 years now - and decided I'm going to do whatever it takes to lose this weight and I believe the band is what it is going to take. I've said this in another post but I believe when the bible talks about plucking out your eye if it offends you ... well my stomach is very offending so I'm banding it for life!

Well this could be a book but I'll make it short. I'm soon to be 61 years old and as long as I can remember (maybe age 3-4) I've always been bigger than I should be. As a pre-teen I began to have this awesome obsession to sweets. Back then we were always eating southern style, always fried and of course desserts everyday even though we were very poor my Mom knew how to cook. My Dad insisted on dessert. So, basically I got hooked big time. I would start taking seconds, thirds, then my Dad would start his yelling for me to get out of the fridge and it hurt my feelings so bad because he'd be sitting on the couch eating his cake, ice cream, pies, whatever so I started my sneaking of sweets whenever I could and it's still going on. I could care less about any type of nutritional food, take it or leave it. At the age of 30 this mental illness came along, starting having anxiety attacks, had a nervous breakdown (Mom had the same) started with the different shrinks, all different kinds of medications, I refused to be "institutionalized" so just lived for over 20 years a total basket case and eating the goodies always helped. All through my childhood I was put down, made fun of, laughed at, yelled at. I knew my Dad was ashamed of me, he died with me thinking that. My grandmother asked my husband the first time he met her "How can you love a fat ol' thing like her". I've put up with shrinks putting me down because I was "fat", you could be slim if you wanted to, doctors screaming at me, you could be slim if you wanted to, I've hated myself all my life, I've wasted all of my life thinking of FAT, sneaking sweets, from who I have no idea, my husband of 43 years who is wonderful knows that I sneak sweets so I guess I'm still a little girl inside. I was banded in September of 2005 and still haven't lost any weight. Why!!!! I can still eat all the sweets I can get my hands on. They go down so much better than food. If their not in the house I'll go buy something, I've gotten candy out of the bulk food areas of the grocery store and ate all the candy before the time to check out so I guess I'm a thief also. As of last week my LapBand doctor wants me to see ANOTHER shrink to see what can be done about this addiction and thats exactly what it is, like being hooked on drugs or alcohol. I stopped smoking years ago through hypnotism but it didn't work for sweets, tried therapist after therapist, bio feedback, hospital liquid diets, everything I've ever known and it's always back to the sweets. I don't want to do what the doctor wants me to but I did agree and if this doesn't work then I quit! I told him that, I feel totally helpless and ashamed of myself. I'm my own worst enemy. Now all I want to do is forget about what I put in my mouth and just let myself be the kind of person the good Lord created me to be. I'm so tired of hating myself, everyone I know loves me except me. Linda

oh dear bk...please doon't give up!!! You sound so despondent. What if you talk to the Dr. about a bypass. I don't know if thats the answer but maybe it would work since it is malabsorptive as well as restrictive and if you can't control your intake at least you won't get all of the calories. I do agree that the sweets addiction has got to be a psychological thing and that you should continue counseling by definately find a therapist who is understanding and who you are comfortable with. You may not like what they have to say but they ought to be saying it with respect to you as a patient.

Good luck and God Bless YOU.

Donna

Okay, I guess we all have our reasons. I am a certified emotional eater!:huytsao And trust me; I'm emotional! I too am usually good all day, but when I put the kids to bed and turn on the TV.... Look out! I think about all my worries :faint: and then I eat. Anything. Even things I don't really like just to eat! It has been much better post band. Cause even when I eat a cookie, its just one! not the bag. I want everyone to know we are so in this together and I appreciate being able to come and bear my soul with the rest of you:nervous . This is what helps me know I will someday be on the 100lb lost list:clap2: .

Pam

banded 10/30/06

fill 12/4/06

Well I've known about this thread for quite awhile, but only now do I feel I can say what has contributed to my weight problems.

1. Depression. It runs in the family, but I believe I had it from a very young age. My mom says that she knew I was sad a lot when I was a child but at that time it wasn't believed children could actually HAVE depression. I wasn't diagnosed until age 16 and in those years of depression going untreated I found food was a source of comfort.

2. Big family, little money. My mom cooked high fat, high calorie casseroles and did lots and lots of baking to feed all of us kids. I remember at dinner time as I watched the casserole dish empty I'd start to feel panicky thinking I gotta hurry if I wanted seconds. Sometimes I still feel this panicky feeling even when I KNOW as an adult I could go out and get myself more of whatever it was. WEIRD.

3. Family history. My dad was especially overweight. After dinner he'd usually sit down with a half gallon of ice cream and I remember I'd always ask for some and he'd say "I've had a long day, I BOUGHT this ice cream, when you are a grown up YOU can have your own ice cream." So I do, a lot, and I too reward myself with it after difficulties. (side note: my dad got control at about age 50 and lost 150 lbs and has kept it off 5 years!!!)

4. PCOS. I ate myself right into what I believe triggered my PCOS, insulin resistance. Since the onset, I have gained an additional 90 lbs. I am very determined to never hit 300, and since I've been trying harder since setting a for-sure surgery date, I have very SLOWLY been going down.

Those are the main reasons, been there are many many other reasons I'm sure......

I'm a big fan of fast food. I haven't been employed in a long time so being able to get jack in the box or McDonalds was way too easy. I'm also a habitual snacker. Those plus zero exercise don't mix and is why im fat.

I have tons of reasons why im fat:

my whole family is obese. my 3 older brothers are all over 300lbs and my daddy is so big he has to waddle (just as examples). it goes farther back than that but on the whole... we're big.

i have my grandmas sweet tooth. i cant helo it. i love sweets. esp. sour patch kids.

my mom loathes cooking so since i was little its always been fast food. mcdonalds especally. so even growing up its always been fatty non healthy food. now away at college its a bit better since our diner has "home made" meals, but the junk food habit still rears its ugly head.

i have horrible joints and a bad heart. i cant do cardio to lose weight since my heart and joints are bad. its a horrible cycle. theyre bad because of my weight, but i cant lose weight since theyre bad.

and i just have this thing about eating out of boredom :hungry:

Growing up I was always eating when I felt bad, and since a very young age I was always on the chubby side. I didn't socialize with other children well and my weight and height was something that made me a target.

Even though I was a very active child the more I felt like an outcast the more I avoided going outside and doing anything. I self medicated with bad food choices. I would hide food wrappers of the stuff I had eaten in the couch, in my bed, and any other place.

My worst moments were when I was in 4-6th grade or so. My mom would pick me up from school and take me to her job. She was a manager of a local airport. In the small lobby someone had set up a snack basket where you could place a dollar and take out one snack item. Downstairs was a storage room where they kept the boxes of snacks for restocking. I would visibly put a dollar in and then say that they were out of what I wanted. I'd then go downstairs and fill up my socks and shoes with candy and other snacks to smuggle out. Then I would find quiet place and stuff my face until the pain of being a social outcast with no friends(when I say no, I mean ZERO) would go away. I felt so bad that the shame of being caught stealing was worth the risk to stifle the emotional pain for a little while.

Eventually I stopped exercise of any kind with others due to embarassment about my body. PE was always a total mess. I devoted all of my free time to escapism with books and video games refusing to have anything to do with highschool and when I had failed enough classes so that graduation was imposible my school counsiler signed me up to take the "California High School Proficiancy Exam" which is like a GED but is taken before highschool is over. I passed it with ease.(which pissed off the school and my parents because I obviously knew what I needed to know in school but I refused to participate in any way)

After leaving highschool at 16 the next 2-3 years were me attending college for a couple classes a semester and spending the rest of my time reading, playing video games, and eating poorly. Already overweight I ballooned up to 400 pounds and have been stuck between 350 and 400 in my diet and exercise attempts since then. So thats why I'm fat.

My problem is I'm a stress eater. I have always been able to semi-manage my weight, but over the past 6 years have gained about 75 lbs. I remarried, sold my home, bought another, changed jobs a couple of times, nursed my daddy through lung/brain cancer and then my husband through recovery from a massive heart attack. Throw in stressful jobs and teenagers and viola' that's how I ended up at 299 lbs. I have been working on new ways to handle the stress, but today, for example, I had a really bad day at work. I walked through the front door and the next thing I knew I had a bag of doritos in my hand. I wanted to just eat and eat to get to that numb stage, you know? For honesty sake I will confess that I took one chip and licked it till it was soggy. How's that for an issue? At least I didn't give in and eat them. I'd have to say that today was the hardest day since I started my band journey. Also, I have to admit I'm looking forward to being able to eat some "mushies" as I'm getting pretty bored with broth and blended soup and sometimes my stomach really rumbles with hunger....which for me is a new sensation!