Donali inspired me to start this new thread. She has been providing information to us regarding Morbid Obesity being a disease, which is a very powerful topic for all of us.

Lately I've been discovering that there are many different categories that we fit in, so I was wondering what category you are in. I don't have labels for the categories, but let me start by telling you why I am obese.

First, my family history includes severe mental illness (Mom, aunt, etc.) I inherited a branch of mental illness - Generalized Anxiety Disorder, which had me extremely ill in my youth. My panic attacks have been under control for years, but I still have many anxiety-related problems, one being that I never stop thinking, and at night, the thoughts are consumed by food. Part of the reason I'm obese is becaseu I can't fight the mental struggle to eat for long periods of time. That part of my brain is stronger than the sensible part.

But my biggest problem is portion control. I'm obsessed by enormous quantities of food. I simply don't understand how anyone could order just one taco, or have a small serving of anything. With me, it's all or nothing. I would rather fast all day than to eat one chicken thigh. It's torture. A half gallon of ice cream is two servings. A family dinner is two servings.

And mine is all a night time disorder. Someone baked us fresh Cookies, all warm and steamy, and I didn't even look at them. I don't give a damn about food during the day. I feel like a monster.

Food is a good friend that has now been replaced by my new best friend, the lapband. I never overate. I couldn't eat large amounts of food. However, I would be on the run most of the day and remember that I forgot to eat.....then I would eat the wrong things. Lack of planning also contributed to me becoming MO. I loved to eat after everyone else went to bed. It was comforting. Now, LBT is my comfort and keeps me from eating at night.

I was so happy to hear from you yesterday and hear that everything went fine for you. You have been in my thoughts and prayers, and I thank you for keeping me in yours.

I wish you the best of luck on your band journey. I know you will do incredibly well.

Hey my friend...Tony hurt his ribs pretty bad last night and I lost all interest in the race. I don't even know who won...and don't think I care Did you watch it?

Take care. I'm sorry you had that PB so soon after surgery. That's about the soonest I've heard of anyone having one, so you are officially a bandster.

God Bless,

Dody

Uh thats an easy Question., Choices that I have made...................

I'm fat because I use food at a coping mechanism rather than some other healthy alternative. Add a lack of exercise and a little depression, and voila! Fat Me.

Why I am fat....LOL well there are a couple of reasons... Ever watch DR. Phil??? When I heard him say I believe people gain wieght for a reason and then to keep it on for another reason, well thats me.

When I was young I knew that my mother had a problem with her body, she thought she was fat, and her greatest fear was that would become fat... You see my fathers sisters were all over wieght. But she was not fat, she was beautiful, but never saw that in herself... When I was 9 my mom met my future step father, and there was little time spent with me... I was angry, and hurt, so I started acting out. Ate all the girl scout cookies I "sold". When they married I was 11, and changes happened. I was so angry about being ignored that I started stealing the special food mom bought for dad. Cheeze itz, Snickers, ice cream... things we never had before. My mom was so angry because I had started gaining wieght. At 12 she took me to Wieght Watchers, but I had a plan...I would eat half a can of creamed corn and put the other half in my closet so when she would search my room she would find it....When I gained wieght she pulled me out of Wieght Watchers, but I always got attention one way or another.... but then things changed. Men started noticing me, not boys, but men. And that was a problem....

When I was 2 years old, my cousin came to live with us for a couple of months in the summer. While he was there he molested me. Due to this as a child I was very permiscious. So when I was 12 everything changed .....I was not fat as a child but at 12 I looked like a woman. Men would follow me home, stop me on the street, buy things for me... I remember once sitting in the back of the truck with my 19 year old step brother and the car behind us was honking his horn. He rolled down his window and yelled can I get your phone number, I would like to take you out... My brother jumped out of the truck and was yelling at the man, she is 12 years old what the hell is wrong with you? But I know I did not look 12..... When I was 14 I met a man that was 25. As our relationship progressed I was feeling uncomfortable... the last conversation I had with this man still haunts me today, we were talking about sex, and he had found a hotel out in town (lived in Japan at the time)... And he said to me when we make love you will always be mine, forever...I completely freaked out, and never spoke to him again, but he would stalk me in the commisary...He would follow my mom and me in the next isle and sing the song he sang at the talent show, Secret Lover... I never told my mom about this, I never talked to anyone about it, but I remember this was the first time I ate a bag of Cheetos and threw up halfway threw and continued eating them till they were gone... Just internalized the fear... As time went on I noticed something, men did not look as much, with the more wieght I gained, and that was a comforting feeling... I was tired of being hurt by men, and making bad choices with them....As a senior in high school I was moved away from my family due to my mom having cancer. I gained 100 lbs that year.By the time I graduated high school, men never approached me, and I was happy about that... I was on my own, with an appartment and a job, and I stayed to myself for many years... I was hiding, my fear of being hurt emotionally and physically had taken over my life...I stayed fat to prove a point, in my stuborness I have abused my body....Now it is just painful to work out and I am LAZY!!!! Fast Food is EVIL and so Easy. I usually starve all day and eat 1 meal at night...ARGGGGGGGGG..... I have created a cage that I no longer wish to live in...BUT, I found a man that loves me for who I am. We were married last Halloween (2005) LOL... now I just need to get approval from the insurance for the BAND... One side note, I just found out a week ago I have diabetes and I think I have PCOS too but I feel much better now that I am on drugs. I dont feel tired and sick all day!!!! Now I just need to get my fat arse to the gym!!!!

SOOO SORRY IT WAS SO LONG...

I just wanted to say Hi, I am new here, and trying to see if I set everything up right. I dont know how to get that ticker thing downloaded right. Anyway, I sooo relate to what you have said. My struggle right now is that I am at the end of my ropes with the insurance. I have been going to the Dr for about 11 mos now and my insurance has used so many delay tactics. Last month, I gave up, gained a few pounds, and was told that even if my insurance okayd the surgery, the surgeons would say no because I screwed up and arent proving that I am serious. Here is the thing though. I have never ever ever been as healthy as I am now. I actually like water!!??? I make healthier eating choices, I am not getting the weight off like I used to. I swear I hit 30 and it is so hard. I never believed everyone. I know I did some stupid crap to loose weight in the past before, which I am paying for now. At least I can say I learned my lesson the hard way. I have never been this big, and for the first time in my life I actually love myself, and think I am hot. LOL. Thats a whole other discussion.. Anyways,, My thing I think I wanted to bring up while I was aimlessly ranting, is that, I freak out before my monthly weigh in. I do good all month, then like 5 days before I have to go get on the scale and answer what I have been eating, I binge. WTF?? Its making me want to just say forget it all. Now after all this time, I dont know what to do. All my insurance co. wants now is a letter from the surgeon. Which the surgeon tells me is not protocol, and is just another delay tactic. Ive done everything a good lap band wanna be should. The psych consult, dietician, exercise class, monthly weigh ins. I guess I am glad I found this site. Hopefully reading all of your posts will help me make a final decision.

Sorry for going on in 8 different directions, I could seriously write a book here with all I have to say!!!

Why am I fat?

Oh, the stories...like so many of you, there was abuse and neglect. I thought I was huge because I had a sister who was slightly built and I was regular.

Food is an institution to me. I know more about how and where and why we eat than anyone else I know. FoodTV was created for me. I could have written the programming when it first hit the air 10 years ago.

More interestingly, in my quest for the band and getting my head shrunk a few times a month I've gotten over my depression that I would have to give up my history of all things food. Certainly my relationship with food will change, but even if I tried I couldn't forget the trivia I've learned or the consideration of the social impact food has on humans...and with the band I don't need to. It made me very sad thinking that it would all come to an end.

Anyway, thanks all for sharing.

I got fat one way, and stayed this way for another. I gained 100 pounds in less than 2 years. Came to find out I had an underactive thyroid. Figured if I was going to be fat anyway I might as well eat. I also gained another 30 pounds in 2 months from the depo shot. Pigging out, and 3 kids later, I still have all 130 of it plus an extra 25.

Before-120

After-275

5'7"

ditto to almost all above stories. a couple different things though. i have never been in touch with my body. always put taking care of othes needs first and didn't see that i had/have needs to take care of on myself. add that to eating for for numbing purposes and gives you a recipe for "fat". began putting weight on after marriage. my self esteem has always been low and i have always interpreted affection/conversation from men as interest in me sexually. Though sometimes I'm sure there was a two way intrest. I wasn't very tame and responded on impulses frequently. when i got married i had made a committment. i became worried that i would mess up (affair) and began packing weight on as a way to protect myself from anybody being interested in me sexually and thus I would not screw up my marriage. I've only come to realize this when my shrink and I have talked about me getting the band. This is a new revelation to me and I am worried about how I will behave if I am approached sexually by another male when I lose weight. I'm very different than I was when I married 13 years ago. I believe I've matured in many areas and the struggle won't be as intense. If for no other reason, my libido is different. Just FYI I have been faithful to my husband throughout our entire marriage. This is probably TMI but I'm guessing that I'm not the only one out there who has had a struggle with weight for a similar reason. Take what you can, leave the rest.

Wow, I really loved reading what everyone has discovered about themselves!! I wish I could put my finger on why I am fat. My mother of course claims it is just genetics, so I should just learn to be happy. Other than never feeling satisfied after I eat ( I think my " i'm full " button is broken) I don't know why I over eat. Or maybe I should say, I don't know why I cannot seem to excersise the self control to stop eating. I know in the end the eating will only make me miserable and disappointed with myself, but I do it anyway. I have never really binged on anything. Never eaten a carton of ice cream or a bag of chips, I just over eat at lunch and dinner. I have no reason to be unhappy. I have an amazing family. A good husband, 5 great kids that I gave birth to and a step son. Great friends, active in my church. I got a roof over my head and enough money to meet my needs.... so why would I need to medicate myself with food? I am not sure. How do you figure out the reason?

I too have mental ilness, which runs in my family. I have been diagnosed with schizophrenia, clinical depression, and I suffer from pannic attacks and fear. I have been thin for most of my life, due to severe depression and fear. I couldn't eat for days. Nothing, not even a bite. I would sometimes force myself to swallow a couple of bites every few days. Then, came the symptoms of schizophrenia a few years ago, and i had to be placed on an anti-psycotic, which made me gain alot of weight real fast. They had to switch my meds and now I'm on one that doesn't cause weight gain, butI can't shed the pounds. But, I must admit that now that I feel good, I do eat quite a bit. I enjoy going out to dinner at buffets and such. I also eat late when the kids are in bed because its more peaceful and I can enjoy it.

Wow! This question sure made me dig deep to find the roots of my problem. I guess it's a good thing to do. But I am finding that this is such a Chimera (a mythical beast with many heads) that I am wondering how I will slay this beast.

Simplisticly, I am fat because of speed and volume. I eat so fast that my body doesn't let me know I'm full until I have eaten a tremendous amount. But where did this come from?

When my son was a year old his father left (I never saw him again, nor a single penny of child support) There were times when there was no food for me, and not much for my son. After the divorce became final I applied for food stamps. The government in it's wisdom issues the same amount of food stamps for a 1 year old as for an adult. So from that time there was plenty of food. But food stamps don't pay for neccesities like toilet paper, soap, laundry detergent, but you can get all the candy bars, cakes, and soft drinks you want. When there is no money for Christmas, but plenty of food stamps, you give food as gifts. And if you feel good about something you've accomplished, you can't afford to have your nails done, but you can reward yourself with a big cheesecake. This is why so many of those living in poverty in this country are obese.

I remarried and the man I married sold meat for a living. I went to work in a resturant making desserts.Up, up, and away! Enough said about that. After eight years of marriage, my husband was diagnosed with cancer, and died six months later. During his hospital stay the hospital would bring his meal, and bring me one, too. When he was too sick to eat, I ate both meals.

Ten years ago I remarried again. Thing are much easier now, money is not as tight, but my attitudes are set. If I go to a buffet I have to "get my money's worth." Food has become a reward, a comfort, a symbol of freindship,a lifestyle. But now I don't see food as my freind. I have constant back pain, knee pain, I get winded putting on my shoes.

I'm glad that I had to try to identify the Chimera, now I just hope to able to kill it!

I'm fat because food was my comfort, my friend, and it made me feel good, even if it was just for a little bit. Now my band is my new friend. Food will still be there, but more of an acquaintance now...at least that's the plan. :clap2:

Hope what I typed isn't too cryptic....nobody to blame but myself and since this is a public message board I don't want to get too detailed. :confused:

I started gaining weight in my late teens early twenties, just a little bit at a time. As an early mid teen I did some modelling, and wanted to become a model. At 5'9" I was just 135lbs. The modelling agency I wanted to sign with wanted me to drop 10lbs and 3 inches off my 37" hips. I decided I didn't want to model, since I felt Ideally I actually needed to gain 5-10 pounds at that time, and definitely didn't think I could lose and still be healthy. I was a loner, I was shy, I was unpopular. Kids, particularly other girls used to tease me a lot, they used to call me a lot of names, stuck up, slut, whore, - I didn't know what I had done 'wrong' - my family constantly reassured me saying they were just jealous, they told me I was beautiful and smart. I got good grades, and modelling offers didn't I? and a lot of attention from boys and men, which when I ignored the cat calls and 'attention' - I got those remarks again - stuck up, bitch... the reaction from guys who don't have their attentions returned. Hell, I was a kid, I was shy. I wanted to be liked. I was smart... I decided to try being less smart, less pretty. I started gaining weight, the less smart I seemed, and the more weight I gained, the more I seemed to be accepted. In college the girls were less catty, I didn't seem to stand out so much, I started to feel a little more normal somehow. I still wasn't obese, I was plump, I still felt pretty. I don't think any of it was a super conscious decision, at least with the weight gain, I did 'dumb myself down' intentionally on occasion. I was torn in two directions all the time, I wanted to be smart and pretty, and I didn't. I was torn between wanting to please people, and wanting to strive for perfection, I was pretty mucked up. I got into a relationship with a not so nice guy, he didn't treat me very well, my self esteem took a turn for the worse, and I gained a little more weight, I had crept up to about 175, It's funny, because I felt fat then, now I would be unbelievably thrilled to be 175!. I broke up with him, plateaued for a while, got together with an unbelievably wonderful man, who I've been together with now for 13 years. After a couple of years in that relationship my first episode of depression hit me, I gained during that, and found myself around 200 or so pounds. My weight stabilized when I came out of that depression, and then fluctuated up and down around 30-40 pounds at a time. I got involved in martial arts, kickboxing, worked my way up to a high blue belt, just two belts away from a black belt, I was teaching lower belt levels and working at that dojo, and training with my hubby all the time, I was down to a lean muscular 190lbs for a lot of that time. I had a number of crises happen in my life then, some deaths of very close loved ones, a lot of loss. I spiraled into depression again, this one extrememly severe. I was suicidal, made several attempts over the course of a year and a half, and spend weeks, sometimes months at a time hospitalized. I went on disability from work, and we entered into bankruptcy because of it, it kept the cycle of depression kicking for a while, it took a long time for them to find a chemical cocktail of anti-depressants that worked for me. Having spend months at a time doing nothing but laying in a hospital bed curled up in a little ball, basically bedrest, no activity, completely unable to do anything at my worst times, my metabolic rate and my cardio and my physical health deteriorated rapidly along with my mental/emotional health. All the medications I take are ones linked to weight gain, they lower your metabolism, they cause you to feel hungry all the time, crave carbs, overheat easily making excersize difficult, they make you tired and lethargic, still 100 times better than me without medication though. I've tried many many meds and med combinations, the one I'm on now is the best. I'm still unable to work, I still am depressed, but I feel functional, I get some enjoyment out of life, I'm able to do somethings, it seems it's about as good as it gets for now. Most people on the type of meds I take, according to my psychiatrist, gain 50-150lbs... I topped out at 295. I went from teaching kickboxing, to not being able to walk a block without struggling. My blood pressure skyrocketed, I'm on meds for that, and my cholesterol creeping higher all the time. I felt so physically ill from carrying this weight, pains in my joints, my knees and back, tired all the time, and feeling like I'm dying bit by bit. I consulted with my family doctor, my psychiatrist, and the lap-band surgeon, and got the opinion of a second psychiatrist as well, the consensus, the lap band is a good choice for me. It may take me a little more work to contend with given my medications and things, but it has given me something that is the most valuable gift to any depressive person... hope. I'm just two weeks past surgery now, and I feel healthier and more energized than I have in years.

Thank you everyone for sharing such personal stories about yourselves, it's helpful to read.

XO

Leila

I’ve been on the heavy side for as long as I can remember.

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I look at photos when I was young and I see that I was a bit heavy and then again in High School. In HS I was wearing a size 12. I CAN’T WAIT TILL I SEE THAT ONE AGAIN! :biggrin1:

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I kept hearing from kids at school and my brothers that I was fat. Teased as a kid didn’t make things easy. It became a habit to eat when I was depressed or angry.

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I started smoking w/I was 16, quite when I was in my early 30’s while I was getting ready to become a mom. I knew that I would gain weight so I went on the OptiFast Diet after I was off of cigarettes and was replacing food for cigs. It worked for 4 months until I fainted at work. After being rushed to the hospital by ambulance and having test run, they couldn’t figure out what caused me to faint.

So I:

Stopped the diet (1994)

Got pregnant (1996) Gained 30 pounds

Waited 18 months and got pregnant again (1998) Gained back the 30 plus 10 more

Waited 3 years and got pregnant again—this time it was twins (2001)

Gained back the 40 plus 10 more

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I tried over and over to exercise, watch what I eat and it would work, but then the weight loss would stop. So I gave.

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Now I have knee problems and lower back pain at 222lbs. With four kids ranging in ages of 9-4, I need to be able to play with them, pick them up if I need to or just sit Indian style on the floor with them.

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My mom had a weight issue while I was growing up and it wasn’t until I was in HS that she let it all go. She did OptiFast for a year during my 30’s and did a awesome job. She got a tummy tuck and everything. Well now she heavier then I’ve ever seen her. I’m frightened that I might turn out like her---I DON’T WANT TOO, I’M TAKING CONTROL OF MY LIFE TODAY! I’VE MADE MY CHOICE TO FIND A TOOL THAT WILL WORK WITH ME!! I’VE WILL BE BANDED ON JULY 11<SUP>TH</SUP> AND I WILL SUCCEED!:clap2: