chameleon

I was just missing you all and thought i would post just to say im still alive. I started chemo a couple of months ago. I have just finised the second round and today i feel pretty good...actually almost normal with the help of some friendly pain meds. Most of my hair has fallen out again, but I just can't stand to wear a wig so I go around wth a do rag on my head. Actually I am developing quite the collection of do rags with the help of my friend Judy who has been creative enough to make me a bunch of them with sparkly sequins and all! Anyhow, I was just thinkin, maybe I shouldn't totally give up on the band yet. Maybe after Im done with chemo I will think about it again. No need to die fat huh?? ttyl Love, :kiss2:me

I was just missing you all and thought i would post just to say im still alive. I started chemo a couple of months ago. I have just finised the second round and today i feel pretty good...actually almost normal with the help of some friendly pain meds. Most of my hair has fallen out again, but I just can't stand to wear a wig so I go around wth a do rag on my head. Actually I am developing quite the collection of do rags with the help of my friend Judy who has been creative enough to make me a bunch of them with sparkly sequins and all! Anyhow, I was just thinkin, maybe I shouldn't totally give up on the band yet. Maybe after Im done with chemo I will think about it again. No need to die fat huh?? ttyl Love, :kiss2:me

Yep, very very bad news. The pain is not arthritus or a herniated disk, it's bone cancer. I started radiation 2 weeks ago and I will start chemo on April 12. The prognosis sucks..2-3 years maybe up to 5 if I'm lucky. I pray for 5 as long as I'm not in excrutiating pain. I need to see my 15 year old son graduate High School. I need so much more than this..... I'm sorry to be writing about this on here, but I am so sad and I try not to cry too much at home because I don't want my kids to remember me like that. My family is very supportive but its just hard to get a death sentence. I wanted you all to know that I love you and I appreciate all of the wonderful help and support you have always given me. I'm gonna ask for one more thing though. Please put me on your prayer chains. I believe in the power of prayer and the power of love and of human compassion and I know that if a miracle could happen that your prayers might bring one on. Here's my info: Donna Cartwright 11696 New Buffalo Road North Lima, OH 44452 Love, Donna:help:

Yep, very very bad news. The pain is not arthritus or a herniated disk, it's bone cancer. I started radiation 2 weeks ago and I will start chemo on April 12. The prognosis sucks..2-3 years maybe up to 5 if I'm lucky. I pray for 5 as long as I'm not in excrutiating pain. I need to see my 15 year old son graduate High School. I need so much more than this..... I'm sorry to be writing about this on here, but I am so sad and I try not to cry too much at home because I don't want my kids to remember me like that. My family is very supportive but its just hard to get a death sentence. I wanted you all to know that I love you and I appreciate all of the wonderful help and support you have always given me. I'm gonna ask for one more thing though. Please put me on your prayer chains. I believe in the power of prayer and the power of love and of human compassion and I know that if a miracle could happen that your prayers might bring one on. Here's my info: Donna Cartwright 11696 New Buffalo Road North Lima, OH 44452 Love, Donna:help:

Well, I haven't been on here for awhile. Just as I was about to get insurance approval I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in my hip bone on Jan 23rd after about 2 months of unexplained pain. Yeah...sucks, but it has really made me realize something. All my life I have worried about being fat. Now I worry about living long enough to see my son graduate from High School. I could care less about this extra 120 pounds that I have on me. It used to be 145 but I have lost 22 pounds in the last 8 weeks due to pain meds that make me sick to my stomach so that everything except ginger ale and soda crackers come right back up. I started radiation 2 weeks ago and have had 10 treatments so far. It has shrunk the tumor that had grown through my pelvic bone and was preventing me from walking without extreme pain. I can now walk almost without pain, but only for short periods of time. I don't want to go on abou this, just wanted to let some of you who read my journal whats going on. I Love you all and good luck in your quest. I know that God will do what he thinks is best for all of us.

I finally got my MRI done on Thursday. No results back yet but at least the Orthopaedic Surgeon gave me a perscription for darvicet which has helped. I have not heard back about whether or not Cleveland Clinis is ready to resubmit to the insurance company or not and they seem to be too busy to call me back....well I won't give up. I am in better spirits today and I am still very hopeful Thanks to all my buds out there!

I finally got my MRI done on Thursday. No results back yet but at least the Orthopaedic Surgeon gave me a perscription for darvicet which has helped. I have not heard back about whether or not Cleveland Clinis is ready to resubmit to the insurance company or not and they seem to be too busy to call me back....well I won't give up. I am in better spirits today and I am still very hopeful Thanks to all my buds out there!

I am still in terrible pain with what they are calling arthritus in my hip. I am unable to sleep without taking pain pills, vicodin to be exact and the Dr's are so afraid of getting in trouble for perscribing htem that they don't want to write a prescription for me. I don't know what to do about this though! I just took the last one which I have been metering them out and trying very hard to make them last at least so that I have something available to take some of the edge off this pain so I can fall asleep for awhile at night. The pain doesn't seem so bad in the morning and in the early afternoon, but as the day gets later I get more and more miserable...and mean. Chronic pain makes a person mean and crazy I think. I am not this person! Ifeel so helpless and the Dr's just say Oh we'll see how you are in a couple of weeks and then I have to discreetly beg for medicine and they finally relent and five me a perscription for like 12 or something. 12 will last me 4 days, I know I sound like a crack whore but I am not! I do not like to have to take these but I also have to sleep and I have to go to work and I have to function! There is no position that I have found that gives me any reief...none so there is nothing that I can even do. Sometimes I am afraid because I get so crazy with pain that I will get up at 1,2 3,4,5 in the morning and just wander the house looking for anything, something that might help. I take ibuprofen by the gross, drink some vodka, take a couple of otc sleeping pills, drink Nyquil, anything to help me fall asleep and not feel pain for a couple of hours. I was watching HOUSE MD the other night and I thought..."really what the hell does a person do when they are in chronic pain like that???" I mean I completely love and empathise with his character! I cry in bed every night that I don't have any pain meds, I don't cry myself to sleep, I just lay there and cry. I do sleep for 2 or 3 hours a night just out of exhaustion but otherwise I pace the house and cry. I am sooo tired and sooo frustrated and I don't know what to do.:scared:

I am still in terrible pain with what they are calling arthritus in my hip. I am unable to sleep without taking pain pills, vicodin to be exact and the Dr's are so afraid of getting in trouble for perscribing htem that they don't want to write a prescription for me. I don't know what to do about this though! I just took the last one which I have been metering them out and trying very hard to make them last at least so that I have something available to take some of the edge off this pain so I can fall asleep for awhile at night. The pain doesn't seem so bad in the morning and in the early afternoon, but as the day gets later I get more and more miserable...and mean. Chronic pain makes a person mean and crazy I think. I am not this person! Ifeel so helpless and the Dr's just say Oh we'll see how you are in a couple of weeks and then I have to discreetly beg for medicine and they finally relent and five me a perscription for like 12 or something. 12 will last me 4 days, I know I sound like a crack whore but I am not! I do not like to have to take these but I also have to sleep and I have to go to work and I have to function! There is no position that I have found that gives me any reief...none so there is nothing that I can even do. Sometimes I am afraid because I get so crazy with pain that I will get up at 1,2 3,4,5 in the morning and just wander the house looking for anything, something that might help. I take ibuprofen by the gross, drink some vodka, take a couple of otc sleeping pills, drink Nyquil, anything to help me fall asleep and not feel pain for a couple of hours. I was watching HOUSE MD the other night and I thought..."really what the hell does a person do when they are in chronic pain like that???" I mean I completely love and empathise with his character! I cry in bed every night that I don't have any pain meds, I don't cry myself to sleep, I just lay there and cry. I do sleep for 2 or 3 hours a night just out of exhaustion but otherwise I pace the house and cry. I am sooo tired and sooo frustrated and I don't know what to do.

Ok, well I am bored so I thought I would write about my stupid ass hip and leg dilemma. In the beginning of October my herniated disk started to bother me again...it hasn't for like 5 years...so then it went into sciatica in my right leg and then my right hip started hurting with pain radiating down my leg. I have been seeing a chiropractor and my Doc for three months for this now, I have had an xray which shows the same thing as 5 years ago, degnerative disk aka arthritus in my lower lumbar region..nothing new...but this hip/leg pain is now excrutiating and constant. I will be seeing an orthopedic surgeon next week to see what he thinks but I am ready to saw my leg off right now! I told ya I was bored...why am I writing about this??? bye bye

Ok, well I am bored so I thought I would write about my stupid ass hip and leg dilemma. In the beginning of October my herniated disk started to bother me again...it hasn't for like 5 years...so then it went into sciatica in my right leg and then my right hip started hurting with pain radiating down my leg. I have been seeing a chiropractor and my Doc for three months for this now, I have had an xray which shows the same thing as 5 years ago, degnerative disk aka arthritus in my lower lumbar region..nothing new...but this hip/leg pain is now excrutiating and constant. I will be seeing an orthopedic surgeon next week to see what he thinks but I am ready to saw my leg off right now! I told ya I was bored...why am I writing about this??? bye bye

Well it's 2007 and I am still not banded. I have my last meetintg with the Dr. on Jan 8, prior to them re-submitting my stuff to insurance. I am really hoping and praying for a Feb. surgery date....keep your fingers crossed! Other stuff...I am battling a horrible cold/flu this week and spent New Years Eve in bed sick and today, New Years day I fell a little better, but still achy and fevery and stuffy...yuck. Anyhow, I think my daughter is moving back home for awhile to get her head on straight and hopefully to make college her priority rather than bf's which, as we all know, tend to complicate college and life in general sometimes. I am afraid she i just like me in that she feels that she can't be alone so she is always in some convoluted relationship or just breaking out of one as she is now. She is a beautiful intelligent girl too...she just needs to get a little confidence in herself and also to recognize more value in herself than she has in the past. When I say she is beautiful, I don't just say that as her mom but also objectively she really is a beauty. She could literally have any guy she wants but she always seems to get sucked in by loosers...Guys with no future, no ambition, selfish little weinees all of them. I don't know what to say or do except to try to help her identify patterns of behavior that put her at risk of picking up a loooooser. Oh well enough of that for now. GTG

Well it's 2007 and I am still not banded. I have my last meetintg with the Dr. on Jan 8, prior to them re-submitting my stuff to insurance. I am really hoping and praying for a Feb. surgery date....keep your fingers crossed! Other stuff...I am battling a horrible cold/flu this week and spent New Years Eve in bed sick and today, New Years day I fell a little better, but still achy and fevery and stuffy...yuck. Anyhow, I think my daughter is moving back home for awhile to get her head on straight and hopefully to make college her priority rather than bf's which, as we all know, tend to complicate college and life in general sometimes. I am afraid she i just like me in that she feels that she can't be alone so she is always in some convoluted relationship or just breaking out of one as she is now. She is a beautiful intelligent girl too...she just needs to get a little confidence in herself and also to recognize more value in herself than she has in the past. When I say she is beautiful, I don't just say that as her mom but also objectively she really is a beauty. She could literally have any guy she wants but she always seems to get sucked in by loosers...Guys with no future, no ambition, selfish little weinees all of them. I don't know what to say or do except to try to help her identify patterns of behavior that put her at risk of picking up a loooooser. Oh well enough of that for now. GTG

I'm just thinking that if not having chocolate in the house causes someone to panic then there is a whole lot going on beyond a craving. The choices that you make as a mother for your family, what you buy from the grocery store will dictate 95% of what your family ends up eating. Obviously, you will not be making food choices for them all the time, but if you can get them turned around to healthy substitutions for unhealthy foods, they will begin to make the "right" choices on their own time as well. So many people have this love of food that goes way beyond anything healthy, and thats why we are obese, and why at least one of our children are or will be obese and our spouse probably has some junk food related problem, if not obesity, then hypertension, or high cholesterol, or high triglycerides, etc. You are NOT depriving anyone by removing junk food and simple carbs, you are SAVING them. Remember to substitute a healthy snack for each cheeto, chip, and bon bon that you toss. They might bitch and moan for a few days but they will get used to it and the new foods will become normal. Do we really need to know there is a bag of snack size snicker bars in the cupboard that we "accidentally" bought too many of at Halloween?? AND....do you ever just eat one? Even one a day?? No...I didn't think so. If not having snack foods causes you to panic its time to seek psychiatric advice. Good Luck to your sweet girl and remember you're the mom and no one has ever killed themselves over the lack of a candy bar.

green...it's never supposed to be "fun" but it really is a great test because early detection of colon cancer results in a very very good long term prognosis. People don't have to die from colon cancer, it is one of the more "treatable" cancers out there as long as people use the tools for early detection. Actually in most cases people don't mind the procedure at all! Diladid is a wonderful drug and I just thank God it's not available on teh market as a recreational drug!! ahaha...Don't put off your scope anyone...It would really suck to wind up with a late stage colon cancer just because you're a little apprehensive or uncomfortable! We should never discourage others from getting this test!!

I agree with bevers...do all you can to help her to feel valueable and normal. Society treats fat women and girls very badly and it is very important to look your very best, well dressed, nails done, hair done well highlighted, a little make up, cute under clothes, every little thing to make her feel pretty and as proud of her physical self as possible. Also clothes are important. Torrid, Fashion Bug, and a lot of other stores cater to trendy cute clothes for her age. You may have to have some altered for her but its worth it. She needs to be enrolled in a daily workout program at a gym. The Y would be best if you have a nice one nearby. Get her a personal trainer if you can afford it or you be one. No matter how much she cries and whines you must force her to do it...do it with her, make it fun, make it your time to bond. Reward weight loss or even every 10 consecutive days of working out with a non food treat like a movie or a horseback ride or anything but food that would inspire her to continue. Get rid of all junk food...ALL of it. You are doing everyone in the house a huge favor any way. Get rid of all simple carbohydrates too. Whole grains only. I could go on and on with stuff you already know but the bottom line is discipline and consistency. Good Luck!

I quit smoking when my dad was dying of lung cancer. He was a very healthy young active 66 year old still working, still swimming in the Ocean, traveling, hunting, riding 4 wheelers etc. He was diagnosed in August of 2004 and He died on Jan 21 of 2005. I lost my best friend and my family lost the glue that held us together. I was 41 years old and 1 month to the day of his death I was diagnosed with lung cancer (a metastisis of my breast cancer that I had 4 years prior...which amazingly the surgeon told me at the time of my lumpectomy that that cancer had nothing whatsoever to do with my smoking....that gave me a license to keep smoking!) I had been a smoker for about 20 years all together and I had only quit 8 weeks before I was diagnosed. I have never even thought of smoking again. Losing my dad to cigarettes was the biggest waste of a wonderful life and I knew that I could never endure having to leave my kids over a selfish habit...I have never looked back. I am healthy, and cancer free right now as far as I know and I pray every day for another day with my family.

everyone is different and the insurance companies are getting tougher and tougher because they are getting hit with so many of these now that everyone knows about them. My insurance co is supposed to be one of the toughest. Medical Mutual...I have been persuing this since last Feb 06! And I meet and exceed all the criteria. They added the 6 month MEDICALLY documented weight loss attempt last May. Unfortunately, my hospital didn't inform me of this until September so I had to start seeing a dietician in Sept. and I wont be finished with this last requirement until Jan 3 (my prelim visit to the dietician in Mar 06 counted toward the 6) Anyway, supposedly thats the last step I need to finish in order for the ins co. to clear me for surgery....but if they decide to add some crazy requirement between now and then they could and I'll be screwed again! Thats just the way it works with this co. unfortunately! I am hoping for a Feb surgery date.

oh dear bk...please doon't give up!!! You sound so despondent. What if you talk to the Dr. about a bypass. I don't know if thats the answer but maybe it would work since it is malabsorptive as well as restrictive and if you can't control your intake at least you won't get all of the calories. I do agree that the sweets addiction has got to be a psychological thing and that you should continue counseling by definately find a therapist who is understanding and who you are comfortable with. You may not like what they have to say but they ought to be saying it with respect to you as a patient. Good luck and God Bless YOU. Donna

Maybe people would be intersted in more casual stuff like jeans and stuff...I just have a lot of both. I am actually interested in buying more than I am selling even. I would love to find some cute stuff. I am in about a 22 right now. Anybody got anything good they have shrunk out of????

I hope to be in your boat angyl! I still do not have final insurance approval but they expect to get it in Dec after I have jumped through my last ring of fire for the ins company and finish my 6 month clinically supervised weight loss attempt....what a joke! Try a 20 year weight loss attempt. Just the ins co. pathetic attempt to delay the inevitable. I will be going to the Cleveland Clinic and they are about 3 weeks out after I get ins approval and approval takes about 3 weeks so I could possibly get scheduled for the last week of Jan!!

My band dietician said that I need to get used to using either a kids chewable or a liquid vitamin. Also she wants me to start on chewable calcium citrate. I have been using caplets so far and I plan on finishing them then going to the chewables before surgery. Those viactiv chewables look like they would be good....they have chocolate, caramel, or strawberry.

Ariel, Don't ell him at all!! Just go to the hospital and have it done,and tell your mom to act like she didn't know you were doing it either, that way he won't be mad at her!!! Thats what I would do any how. You deserve your privacy and you are entitled to it legally, even if his health insurance is paying for it, they are not allowed to let him know.

I have been wrestling with this issue since I decided to persue this procedure. I am still not banded but it looks pretty promising for a January or February surgery date. Anyhow, on on ehand I totally agree with yeehaw...I don't care what kind of stuff people spout about not caring what anyone else thinks, we all do care to some extent, and she is right about having to endure the judgement of stupid people. On the other hand I feel the need to help other fat people out there who are suffering pysically and mentally because of their weight so I know that my need to help will over ride my need for privacy...this is just how I am, but I can appreciate both points of view.

beachee...first off, you look great! Is it ok to just stop taking bipolar meds or did you wean yourself off. Does the DR. know you took yourself off because I know that when my friend did this a few years ago she had a terrible manic episode. Take care and I'm glad you're doing so well!