Should I have the surgery?

[GreatHope 8]

I’ve been thinking about bariatric surgery for a few years now. I was actually scheduled to get a sleeve a few years ago but my financing fell through at the last minute. I’ve been heavy my whole life and nothing has worked long term. I feel like it’s either surgery or be heavy my whole life. I want to get it but my partner doesn’t like the idea and my parents are super against it.. I’ve heard horror stories about complications.

Should I have the surgery? Was it worth it? I’m 255 now but my highest weight was 278. The lowest I’ve ever gotten by diet and exercise was 211 (on Keto which damaged my liver so I had to stop).

[The Greater Fool 1,952]

No.

There are horror stories and every last one is true. They are on the rare side of surgery outcomes, but they happen. Heck, I almost died after a tonsillectomy (tonsil removal) when I was 4, which in retrospect I should have skipped. But the 99% of folks it's not an issue for it was a great decision.

Only you can decide if it is worth it. If you're looking for us to decide for you, then NO it is not worth it.

Have weight loss diet's EVER worked for you? In the long run? I'd say no, since you are here asking us if WLS is worth it.

I was over 1/4 ton overweight and still believed I could do it without surgery. I had lost large chunks of it before gaining it back and then some. Then I realized I was deluding myself to believe I could lose it and keep it off. Eventually, I then decided WLS was my last resort since everything else failed eventually.

I committed 100% to WLS and in 2.5 years lost every last pound and then some. I lost 500+ pounds and it stayed lost. I had surgery, and had all sorts of pain early post-op. Over time I lost 500+ pounds and was more than happy. After 20+ years I am still a normal BMI. I still follow my plan, and still deliriously happy.

The horror stories are all true for those rare people. Fortunately, they were not true for me. Even if they were, I was prepared to deal with it. I would have been crazy not to take this last chance.

It's up to you to decide what cost you are willing to pay. You may not think the cost is worth it now, so you should wait. Eventually, it will be worth the cost, then you will wonder why you didn't do it sooner.

This is up to you and not random people on the internet.

Good luck.

Tek

[DaisyAndSunshine 301]

Like the above poster mentioned, it is your decision end of the day since you'll have to embrace the lifestyle and whatever else that may come with the package of WLS!

If you ask me, for me it was more than 100000% worth it. There is no way I would have been able to continue living had it not been for WLS. I have said this a few times out here but it is true that WLS has blew in a new life within me. And whatever good or bad (hoping for allll good only) may come in the future, I'll gladly embrace it than having to embrace the extra 100+ lbs of weight I have lost!

Good luck with your decision!

[GreatHope 8]

I 100% want the surgery. I’ve tried everything else and it’s the only way I’d lose weight and keep it off.

However, I’m scared of complications that could leave my young kids without their mom or my family without income. But I could also do those things if I develop health issues because of my weight. I’m not at the point yet where my weight is causing significant health issues but I know it’s only a matter of time. I’m trying to weigh the pros and cons and I wanted to hear about the experiences of others

[Arabesque 6,482]

Best thing I ever did.

As @The Greater Fool said yes there are horror stories but there are horror stories & stories of complications with every surgery. Bariatric surgery has some of lowest stats of post surgical complications. I’ve read they’re lower than an appendectomy. And the risk of serious health complications & the risk of earlier death are much higher with obesity.

I didn’t have any comorbidities before my surgery. No high blood pressure, cholesterol ok, no heart or breathing issues, no sleep apnea. But it was only a matter of time before I did. Now I’ve lost weight they likely will never happen.

Regardless of what we all say (& we will be pro surgery here even those who may have had issues), this has to be a decision only you can truely make not anyone else. You have to be ready to commit to this 100% as much of the successful weight loss & maintenance is mental. The surgery provides you a tool & a limited time of bonuses effects to help get you started but the majority of the work is what you will have to do yourself. It is not an easy out to weight loss.

Meet with a surgeon & a therapist who specialises in supporting bariatric & disordered eating patients & ask your husband to accompany you to some appointments. He can ask questions then too which may alleviate some of his concerns.

All the best whatever you choose to do.

[Jeanniebug 472]

I agree with @The Greater Fool.

Surgery really should be a last resort. It's the nuclear option. It's a life-changing event. You will forever be changing your relationship with food.

The physical healing, complications, and learning how to eat are the easy part. When your hunger and food addiction issues kick in (and they will!), then the real work begins - and it's hard.

I'm very happy that I had the surgery. I believe it saved my life. But, I had half a century of failed diets behind me and finally threw in the towel. If you think you can lose the weight by dieting, then I suggest that you do.

[DaisyAndSunshine 301]

4 hours ago, GreatHope said:

However, I’m scared of complications that could leave my young kids without their mom or my family without income.

That is definitely a valid point and cause of concern. I am not sure how I would have felt had I had kids dependent on me. I had my family but I was single, hence the worry for surgical side effects wasn't a lot there. It was a do or die situation without any hinges for me.

May be you can chat up with someone with family and kids. In the long run, you do want to be healthy for your kids and family too. It's a catch 22 of a situation. But I truly hope you find it within you to make the decision. Positive vibes and best wishes for you!

[pintsizedmallrat 470]

11 hours ago, GreatHope said:

However, I’m scared of complications that could leave my young kids without their mom or my family without income.

I don't have children, so my opinion may not be valid or desired here...but considering I was headed toward being able to barely move by my mid-40s and potentially dying from a heart attack or stroke in my 50's, my motivation for having the surgery was 100% based on extending my life. If I had done nothing, my husband and loved ones were going to be left alone within 20 years.

Full disclosure: I desired children. I was unable to have them. I've made peace with this.

Edited July 6, 2023 by pintsizedmallrat

[ms.sss 14,679]

I’ve got kids (teenagers and adults now, but still)…my relationship with them became EXPONENTIALLY better after I lost the weight: I am happier, less cranky, can participate in all their interests, less tired, more patient. Plus I’ll likely live longer now to spend more time with them.

but I do get the fear of surgery. When I woke up in the recovery room after surgery, the first thought in my head was: “YEEEESSSS! I’m alive!!!!”

It took me 3 tries to finally get sleeved…I backed out of two scheduled surgery dates cuz I was apprehensive. Third time was the charm. Looking back, I wish I just went through with it the first time.

you are ready when you’re ready. Only you will know when.

Good Luck!

❤️

Edited July 6, 2023 by ms.sss

[summerseeker 1,851]

As everyone has said it got to be your choice in the end. We all had to face our demons going through the theatre doors. Some walk away at the last minute, most of us white knuckle it. FYI I had a nasty time for the first months but would do it again and again now. Its massive surgery and an even bigger life long change after. You will know when you are ready

[SmolGojira 20]

I don't think anyone here can really tell you if you should or shouldn't as it's a forever decision and some people might not be suitable for it. You just need to be 100% honest with yourself and what you want in life and what you're happy to sacrifice to have it. But I will be brutally honest with you and tell you my experience.

Are you happy to spend the rest of your life unable to eat normal size meals? Are you happy spending the rest of your life prioritizing nutrition and Protein and avoiding high calories/high sugar foods? You'll even have to monitor when you eat and drink as you can't do both at the same time. These are some things people don't realize you will have to do. I think there's a big misconception out there that you get the surgery, and the weight just falls off and you don't have to do anything but it's so far from that, people do fail with this surgery, people do stay obese and some even gain the weight back once they've lost a little, it happens. You will struggle, you will have to see a nutritionist, you will have to learn to eat right, you have to learn to focus on getting as much protein as possible and if you eat sugar and chocolate and cakes, the weight will just come right back only this time you'll also have deficiencies. Even so, it's not a bad thing. I think all of that is a lot easier than being obese and I'm happy to have this as a life, if it means I can run without knee pain. Also there's more deaths caused by obesity than the surgery, having the surgery adds years to your life, just make sure you go to a legit surgeon.

I wanted the surgery 12 years ago, when i was only 215lbs, had 0 stretch marks and was still pretty young, but many people talked me out of it and I decided to go hard core instead and crash dieted my way to 150lbs, within a year I was at 200lbs again and then after another year 250lbs, then crash dieted again to 175lbs, then I went all the way up to 265lbs and yoyo'd like that for 7years. My weight gain had started when I met my now ex, before I met him I was tiny and fit, it took me many months of therapy after I left him, to find out I was dating a narcissist that was feeding me to keep me fat and then using my weight as justification to hurt me and call me names... and prevent me from leaving him thinking i wasn't good enough for anyone. Every time I had lost the weight in the past, he would freak out and make me feel bad, accuse me of trying to get fit to leave him and that was part of the reason I think I yoyo'd so bad. I was doing it for the wrong reasons, and i lived with someone that enjoyed watching me in pain. So the dieting would have never worked. I got the surgery thinking that it would be the end of arguments and part of me thought it would make him happy in the long run and things would change but no, our relationship ended and now I'm actually glad, because if I had stayed with him, even with the surgery, I'd still be obese.

Am I happy I had it done? Yes, but there's times when I'm sad I can't just eat a normal meal at a restaurant, thankfully you can take left overs home and eat the rest as another meal later . There's people that will never understand and will say you cheated, talk behind your back and just be rude. It's gotten to the point I don't tell anyone I had the surgery because I'm tired of justifying it. Overall for me it was the right thing to do, even if i wasn't in the right mindset at the time, because it helped end a toxic relationship, it fixed my binge eating disorder, I got therapy and have been working on myself physically and mentally with the aim to maintain my health for life. I've still got a long way to go but i'm already feeling better about myself. I actually bought a corset for the first time in 10 years having loved them when i was younger... And it fit and looked good!!! My insurance wouldn't pay for the surgery, so i used all my life savings and I'm still happy I did.

Take the time to really think about this, look at all the pros and cons. Decide if your reasons for wanting it are worth it. It is an amazing tool to help you lose weight and I think with the right guidance many people will benefit from having this done but you need to decided it you're one of them. Either way, if you decided to do the surgery or calorie count, we're always here to chat and support you. All the best on your journey to a healthier life.

Edited August 4, 2023 by SmolGojira

[SleeveToBypass2023 1,820]

It's absolutely your choice. But for me, it was a no brainer. I tried everything there was to try, more than once. My health was terrible. I knew I couldn't do it myself, and I knew I wouldn't be here for my kids and granddaughter if I kept going the way I was going. And even though I had some complications with my initial surgery and had to have a revision, I still feel having bariatric surgery was the best decision I have ever made. My only regret is not doing it sooner.