Surgery Shaming Should Be A Thing…

[KymmieDS 3]

I tell everyone I had surgery bc I’m so proud of myself! Surgery is not easy and being obese is extremely hard. It’s my business and I don’t care what anyone thinks about it.

[ms.sss 14,970]

had surgery 4.5+ years ago.

i told a total of 5 people: Mr., the Kid, Mom, Sis & BFF...all of whom i knew would not say anything to anybody if i asked them not to.

BFF was the only one who brought up the "cheat" word, but i was prepared for it, and just took it in stride.

People around me would constantly ask about my evident weight loss (un-solicited advice about speed of loss, amount i ate, how much weight loss was "enough", how i sick i looked, etc)...and i too became a master-subject-changer (earlier OP has it right, people LOVE to talk about themselves, so subject-changing is relatively easy, for the most part).

If its any consolation, as the months and years go by, you and your weight loss become old news and it is rarely, or ever, brought up again.

...Now...im going to bring up something that is sorta against the grain here: while i don't think WLS is "cheating" by any means (i mean, weight loss is not an exam for effs sakes! there are no rules or laws about how it should be done 🙄), i do actually sympathize with the idea that it was the easy way...or at least one of the "easi-ER" ways.

In all my attempts at weight loss, no other method (at least for ME) was as "easy" to adhere to than WLS. Getting the sleeve helped me lose more weight in less time than any other time in my life. I had to put up waaaay more effort to control food intake in all my previous diets than i ever did with WLS. with WLS, it definitely was comparatively "easy".

And the icing on the cake is that i have (so far) kept it off. I would only manage to keep the weight off before for like maybe 6 or so months. This time around, the weight has stayed off for 4 YEARS (again, so far - i am not so delusional that i will look like this forever...but i'll try lol)

So in short (sorry it took so long for me to get here):

1. People suck. Ignore them, OR just feed their narcissism.

2. Suckiness is temporary. Ride it out until its behind you.

3. WLS makes losing weight easier.

4. You look fab!

[KymmieDS 3]

On 2/23/2023 at 7:40 AM, pintsizedmallrat said:

I feel like the people who act this way don't understand the mountain of obstacles and commitment that is the difference between being able to lose 20 or 30 pounds this way vs a few hundred. I always COULD have lost 20, 30, 40 pounds the "old fashioned way" but I need the tool my sleeve provides to get to where I ultimately wanted to be.

I think of my sleeve like a combo multiplier in a video game; for every good choice I make, it multiplies the benefits.

So weird. For me, it is skinny people who seem to understand why I got the surgery. It’s people who are overweight but not as big as me who say silly things like “cheating” and “u could have tried this” or “this is what I am doing” blah blah blah

[pintsizedmallrat 470]

2 hours ago, KymmieDS said:

So weird. For me, it is skinny people who seem to understand why I got the surgery. It’s people who are overweight but not as big as me who say silly things like “cheating” and “u could have tried this” or “this is what I am doing” blah blah blah

I guess we're all different (and it depends a lot on the "culture" of the people we encounter), but definitely the worst amount of shade I received was from a woman who lives a very "adventurous" lifestyle who I imagine has never struggled with her weight whatsoever, who is one of those thin people who looks at anyone with a few extra pounds as a moral failure. She treated me like I'd told her I'd gotten a completely-cosmetic procedure, and with all the judgement that implies.

I feel like people who have been thin most of their lives but have experienced "success" at losing 10-15 pounds at some point don't understand how different it is to need to lose 100, 200 pounds and how that is a much bigger, difficult task.

[uniVee 2]

Just had a friend reach out to me asking for an update on my upcoming surgery and then the irrigation began where I felt like I was fighting for my life trying to prove myself. I just don't get it.... "I just wouldn't want you to go through this and you don't make the changes and fail and have to live with that guilt" she said to me... I'm like...if I fail at this at least I tried and at that point maybe I was meant to be obese lol.

[Gabbie-1 44]

I just read “if someone says something cruel or prying” you should respond with “are you ok” in a concerned manner. If they push respond with “it just isn’t like you to be so_____.” Fill in the blank. Suggestions= rude, catty, mean, insensitive, prying, whatever fits the situation

[BabySpoons 541]

Anyone who knows me in RL knows I was facing some serious health issues, so no one has given me any grief...so far.

For those who don't know me well, I don't really care what they think and don't care if they know I had a procedure or not. I tell them I had Metabolic surgery which leaves them scratching their heads

When people think of RNY or sleeve they assume it's all about restriction. Hence "cheating". But when you explain it's much more than that. Resets the metabolism, setpoint, reverses insulin resistance, some will see obesity more for what it is. A disease that needs medical intervention and not just a lack of willpower.

Sadly the majority will never understand that regardless of recent studies. For them, it's easier to just think we're lazy.

[RitaJade 0]

You do look amazing my lovely, and speak a lot of sense!!

[wendydmk 0]

No one knows you better than you do. If you haven’t experienced being FAT I can say that they will never understand. Most people don’t lose the wt needed without some type of medical help. Medication surgery MD following diet. Losing wt is freaking hard so they can kiss our butts.

[pintsizedmallrat 470]

On 5/9/2023 at 9:58 PM, Gabbie-1 said:

I just read “if someone says something cruel or prying” you should respond with “are you ok” in a concerned manner. If they push respond with “it just isn’t like you to be so_____.” Fill in the blank. Suggestions= rude, catty, mean, insensitive, prying, whatever fits the situation

That is a brilliant strategy I need to put in my back pocket; thank you!

[Breaking notsobad 56]

I had my first meeting with the psychologist this week. I brought this up. She had a good suggestion which I like - "'I'm working hard at improving my health."

[Thompddn30 0]

You look amazing I had the sleeve on May 17 and my whole family is hating especially my sister I hate going around them

[BlondePatriotInCDA 275]

On 2/17/2023 at 7:23 AM, NettyD said:

You go gurl you look good! People are very judge mental these days.

I haven’t had the surgery still in pre op stage but I plan on telling NO ONE but GOD that I had the surgery!

I've told only my best friend and swore her to secrecy - pinky swear with it locked down 😋 and my family. No one else, its not their business especially as you've noticed ppl are judgemental and rude.

I'd ask your friends how they'd feel if you said the same about any surgeries, Child birth, medications etc., they've had - after all human bodies have immune systems, given birth outside hospitals for thousands of years and can fight infections without antibiotics etc.. How dare they take the easy way out type of things. I'm a strong believer in putting situations on others plates in ways they can understand. These things ppl do for their health - no different than what you're doing. Also, mention that you're under the care of doctors who are more knowledgeable in your health and needs than they are, along with the pains of insurance companies who won't pay for "unnecessary" surgeries so apparently their belief is its necessary for your health! Would they question your need for insulin if you were diabetic??

Ppl amaze me with their judgement, I've had ppl tell me upon looking in my shopping cart that I shouldn't be eating/purchasing sweets/chips (that were for my husband) because I'd never get rid of my fat eating that, so, I proceeded to explain their food choices, nutrient in each, calorie content vs. Macros and processing of each along with were it was sourced and suggested they weren't as knowledgeable as they thought and perhaps they shouldn't throw stones in glass houses. Fat ppl are the last group where its socially acceptable to look down upon ppl for who and what they are 😔 and ppl feel they have the right to comment and that surgery is the "easy way out!" So I always take the self righteous judgement and throw it back in their laps.. (Sorry for my rant).

In other words, make it personal to each person so they can understand you didn't question what they did for their health, why would they question yours!? Or, just ignore what they said and do what you need to for you.