Onederland

[It'sAlbright 22]

Post surgery question(s)... Has anyone struggled with body dysmorphia? I have reached onederland, and thought I would be more excited than I am. I see some weight loss, but my brain isn't connecting the dots and I feel like I should be more excited than I am to have reached such a great milestone in 6 months. Instead of being excited I am just trying to reach my next goal and keep telling myself that maybe then I will be happy. I just need my brain and body to be in unison. I think this is part body dysmorphia. Any advice would be great!

[learn2cook 487]

Yes, I have definitely felt this, though not currently. I always recommend therapy, even a two month “tune up.” It can be cost prohibitive so other resources I found useful are body movement classes like yoga and Thai Chi that ground me in my physical body. I like to walk meditate, journal. Use what you have done in the past that helped you recover or grieve like art, music, a house of worship. O.A. meetings have discussions on the topic. WLS is a wonderful tool that helps with weight loss, but it doesn’t fix our brains. The fabulous thing is you have already begun your amazing journey of great success to heal your whole self.

[NovaLuna 709]

I still suffer body dysmorphia and I think the loose skin doesn't help (but skin removal surgery seems like too much of a hassle because I don't like the idea of having drains. That's a no), but when I see pictures of myself now I'm always surprised at how small I look. Because when I look in the mirror I see someone a lot bigger than the person in the pictures. I don't run and hide when people take pictures anymore like I used to when I was at my absolute heaviest (417 pounds in late 2016).

[TRAVELRN 68]

8 hours ago, It'sAlbright said:

Post surgery question(s)... Has anyone struggled with body dysmorphia? I have reached onederland, and thought I would be more excited than I am. I see some weight loss, but my brain isn't connecting the dots and I feel like I should be more excited than I am to have reached such a great milestone in 6 months. Instead of being excited I am just trying to reach my next goal and keep telling myself that maybe then I will be happy. I just need my brain and body to be in unison. I think this is part body dysmorphia. Any advice would be great!

This is a big issue that I don't feel gets addressed enough before or after surgery. I really felt this alot and spoke to my doctor about this. I didnt try to hide what I was feeling, they are your feelings. I also started a journal that I write positive affirmations about my weight loss journey. If I feel like I am going down that dysmorphia rabbit hole I reach out and speak to someone about this. It really helps when speaking with someone that has had the surgery and the same challenges and understands the process emotionally that goes with this surgery. Its hard to explain stuff or get true feedback and support from someone that doesnt really understand this process in my opinion. One of my coworkers had the same surgery and when we first met we smiled at each other and said "sister". I know that sounds odd but we bounce stuff off each other whenever we work together. For example she reached out to me because she was having issues with her husband (who is very supportive of her, but just doesnt understand the process emotionally.) talking about her watching her carbs. He felt she was getting "overly obsessive" about it. She is 3 yrs post op and has been struggling with some weight gain. Her husband makes her lunch for work and the stuff he puts in there is just bad! lots of breads, pastas, etc. well you can imagine. she has been making her own and bringing more healthier choices and she has started to drop again.

The thing is you can't be afraid of your feelings, and need to address them whether its finding a support group or connecting with someone that you feel comfortable talking to. I talk to my doctor (reg doc) and have come up with some approaches that work for me. For me the anxiety is what gets me and I am proud to say I have a good handle on that now and the dysmorphia is so much more under control if you will. One really important thing that also helped me was to be realistic in my vision of myself. I am not 18 years old and will never have that body again. Accepting my self now at the age I am at now (60) and really feeling comfortable with my body now is extremely important. Society does woman an injustice by attempting to dictate how we are supposed to look. I feel great, better than I have EVER felt and I feel more alive now that before my surgery. I embrace that. I am happy and healthier for my surgery and owe it to myself to love myself and enjoy the rest of my life feeling good.

Don't be hard on yourself. I recommend getting a book of positive affirmations and reading one every day. It sounds corny but the more positive you put into things (its hard in this negative world we live) the more positive you will feel.

Love and light.

[catwoman7 10,846]

it's super common. It takes a long time for your brain's perceptions of your body and what your body actually looks like to align (I had this issue pre-surgery, too - I was always shocked when I saw a picture of myself (the few that there were, that is - I HATED having my picture taken back then!). I think in my head I weighed in the 200-250 range, not 373! And after I got down as low as the 130's, I *still* saw myself in the 200-250 range for quite awhile (I've gained about 20 lbs since hitting bottom (which is also super common) - between that and the fact I'm several years post-op, I think I'm finally in alignment!!

[Jeanniebug 472]

Taking pictures can really help. I second the recommendation for therapy. I started therapy before surgery and I'm so glad I did. Edited to add: Congratulations getting to Onederland!

Edited December 21, 2022 by Jeanniebug

[qtdoll 534]

I get a lot of weight related videos on Tiktok, I'll see certain girls & think "ah yeah she looks like me!" (in a good, relatable way) only to find out they weigh 40-70lbs more than me. I don't think I'm used to being a smaller size yet, I still relate to the bigger girls way more than the girls who wear my current size.

I think I will always feel big until I get close to my final weight goal. If not, I'll definitely have to seek tharapy

[Arabesque 6,450]

Firstly, congratulations on reaching onderland. Yay!

Body dysmorphia doesn’t disappear with your weight & sometimes you only start to experience it as you’re losing & when your weight stabilises. It takes time for your brain (& how you picture yourself to be) to catch up with how you really look now. And it affects family & friends the same way - all those ‘you’ve lost too much weight’ comments we all get.

I still have days when I look in a mirror or a reflection in a window & am surprised that the reflected person is really me & I’m 3.5 yrs out. But I was bigger for a lot longer than I’ve been slim. It may seem silly but I actually used to look up the height & weight of actors & I also took pxts standing beside family & friends so I could better see my size in comparison.

You can always seek support from a therapist if you think your body dysmorphia is hindering your physical, emotional & mental progress in any way.

[It'sAlbright 22]

On 12/21/2022 at 8:42 PM, Arabesque said:

Firstly, congratulations on reaching onderland. Yay!

Body dysmorphia doesn’t disappear with your weight & sometimes you only start to experience it as you’re losing & when your weight stabilises. It takes time for your brain (& how you picture yourself to be) to catch up with how you really look now. And it affects family & friends the same way - all those ‘you’ve lost too much weight’ comments we all get.

I still have days when I look in a mirror or a reflection in a window & am surprised that the reflected person is really me & I’m 3.5 yrs out. But I was bigger for a lot longer than I’ve been slim. It may seem silly but I actually used to look up the height & weight of actors & I also took pxts standing beside family & friends so I could better see my size in comparison.

You can always seek support from a therapist if you think your body dysmorphia is hindering your physical, emotional & mental progress in any way.

Thank you!

I never struggled with body dysmorphia until I started losing weight. I definitely understand that it takes time, it is just such a weird experience. I look at myself now, down 86 lbs and I don't see a difference, I feel like I look exactly the same, even though my clothes size has shrank and the scale says differently. I look at before photos and see a difference, but when it comes to just walking by the mirror and looking, I feel nothing. I feel like I should be proud of how far I have come and the struggles, but nothing. I talked to my doctor who said he would be happy to refer me to a therapist if need be. I am going to wait it out for at least a year and see if my mindset changes. I am only 7 months out.

I just got a comment about my weight! It was so uncomfortable. An old guy asked if my husband had stopped feeding me because I had lost a lot of weight. He then asked if I was ok. It was awful. People can be so rude!