I was removing snow from my car in freezing weather when a neighbor who is like a stranger to me snuck up behind me and was within inches from my face and said "you have lost alot of weight". I don't associate with this person as there are over 100 tenants here and you can't know everyone. I was startled as I didn't even know they were there and what popped out was "oh? I don't know." To which they replied, "well you have!". They then turned around and walked away. The way they said "well you have" was kind of in a mean tone of voice. Almost like they didn't like me saying "Oh? I don't know".

I felt uncomfortable about what happened. During a support group, the dietician at the bariatric center I go to said we can respond any way we feel fit when people make comments about our weight loss that make us feel our privacy is being invaded or if someone is being nosy compared to someone paying us a heartfelt caring compliment.

If someone you don't associate with mentions your weight loss in a way that doesn't feel complimentary or genuine, what are some approaches you have taken?

I could have said "mind your own business", "can't you see I am busy", "why did you just sneak up behind me like that", etc. And maybe I should have!

Thanks.

Edited December 17, 20223 yr by Jamiepierce

I would have just said "thanks" and gone back to my business.

i get comments all the time from people i dont know who see me every once in a while. Even the staff at my local post office that i go to recently told me "You loosing a lot of weight, looking good" and so on. I personally like it. I am not a person that is easily offended in anyway regardless if someone is mean or nice. They are just words.

At about 4am when I was doing one of my morning runs, a police car pulled up and stopped about 30 yards away, then turned on his lights and over his megaphone started sharing how proud he was of my losing weight so well, that he'd been watching me these months, and was personally invested in my success...

At 4am. Over the megaphone.

This went on for about a minute when the police academy on the street was starting their morning run, and over the megaphone he told them to congratulate me and shake my hand, so about 25 cadets ran over and did just that.

At 4am. Over the megaphone.

Thanks officers.

Tek

Edited December 17, 20223 yr by The Greater Fool

15 minutes ago, The Greater Fool said:

At about 4am when I was doing one of my morning runs, a police car pulled up and stopped about 30 yards away, then turned on his lights and over his megaphone started with how proud he was of my losing weight so well, that he'd been watching me these months, and was personally invested in my success...

At 4am. Over the megaphone.

This went on for about a minute when the police academy on the street was starting their morning run, and over the megaphone he told them to congratulate me and shake my hand, so about 25 cadets ran over and did just that.

At 4am. Over the megaphone.

Thanks officers.

Tek

best. story. ever.

My typical response is "yeah" and then I just nod my head and continue doing what I was doing. Sometimes I get the feeling they wonder if I got sick, just waiting for more information. People can be nosy.

I also get "How did you do it? I need hints." I get that too. Again, I don't say much back to that either. It doesn't bother me though. They are un-important to me. Even the rude comments don't bother me, for the same reason.

Some people aren't very good at giving compliments! I try to learn from them, and instead tell people they look great, radiant, beautiful, etc, without mentioning their weight.

Take it as a compliment, awkward as it may be! Keep up the great work!!

I

6 hours ago, liveaboard15 said:

i get comments all the time from people i dont know who see me every once in a while. Even the staff at my local post office that i go to recently told me "You loosing a lot of weight, looking good" and so on. I personally like it. I am not a person that is easily offended in anyway regardless if someone is mean or nice. They are just words.

I am someone who has developed self respect. If someone says something to me that is "mean", it crosses a boundary.

4 hours ago, The Greater Fool said:

At about 4am when I was doing one of my morning runs, a police car pulled up and stopped about 30 yards away, then turned on his lights and over his megaphone started sharing how proud he was of my losing weight so well, that he'd been watching me these months, and was personally invested in my success...

At 4am. Over the megaphone.

This went on for about a minute when the police academy on the street was starting their morning run, and over the megaphone he told them to congratulate me and shake my hand, so about 25 cadets ran over and did just that.

At 4am. Over the megaphone.

Thanks officers.

Tek

LOL! You handled that beautifully.

Just now, Jamiepierce said:

I

I am someone who has developed self respect. If someone says something to me that is "mean", it crosses a boundary.

Reminds me of those mafia people that say "You said something about my brother" and go wack them. They are just words. In this country (USA at least) we are all free to speak our mind. Some people are nice, some are rude...

6 hours ago, catwoman7 said:

I would have just said "thanks" and gone back to my business.

My views on weight loss have changed since I had my surgery. I no longer evaluate someone by their weight. So someone commenting on the weight of another is no longer something I think is OK. Unless it is from someone you know and trust. As I stated in my post, I don't know this person. It did not feel comfortable.

3 hours ago, Tomo said:

My typical response is "yeah" and then I just nod my head and continue doing what I was doing. Sometimes I get the feeling they wonder if I got sick, just waiting for more information. People can be nosy.

I also get "How did you do it? I need hints." I get that too. Again, I don't say much back to that either. It doesn't bother me though. They are un-important to me. Even the rude comments don't bother me, for the same reason.

Rude comments didn't used to bother me because I hade no self respect. I do now, and rude comments cross a boundary.

6 hours ago, catwoman7 said:

I would have just said "thanks" and gone back to my business.

Thanks for what? It wasn't a compliment. They were being nosy.

This person would have put me on edge too. I probably would have responded as you did in the moment too. They crossed several boundaries that would make me feel unsafe. I’m learning more about ABA. So being weary, but kind of nonchalant would give a nice non response that would keep encounters with that person deescalated.

Would be Ok with me, I would of just told them I switched to Lite beer. ?

youre better than me i wouldnt have responded

ppl think its a compliment but its a statement that youre not expecting

well handled, hope you drove safe in the snow