Telling others

[Esi 179]

Up to you! No one’s business unless you want them to know. I said I was having surgery, and when I returned to work, basically said I was eating differently when asked about the weight loss. (Which makes me uncomfortable to have people ask about my body)

I had tried and failed so many years that I didn’t have confidence WLS would work. If I didn’t lose weight, I figured people would say that I was such a glutton that even surgery wouldn’t help. If I lost weight, people would say I took the easy way out.

I did tell my husband and two family members who protect my privacy.

[Jordan1 14]

Only my husband and my best friend know - that's it. My husband knows because, well it's obvious. And my best friend knows because I needed a ride from the hospital that my husband could not do!! I didn't want all the chatter so I thought it was best to not tell people.

[ms.sss 15,835]

Who says you have to tell anyone?

Its really up to you and your comfort level.

I told 5 people: Mr., the Kid, BFF, mom and sister. All of whom I know wouldn’t say anything to anyone else if i asked them not to.

That was almost 4 years ago.

During weight loss phase, everyone and their mothers would ask or comment about my changing appearance. i simply said i was on a diet and changed the subject to be about them. That pretty much did the trick.

No one asks/says anything to me anymore. My size just old news now.

Tell who you want to tell, it’s not anyone else’s business but yours.

Good luck! ❤️

[Capri81 21]

I’ve decided not to tell anyone else for now (I’m preop). A big part is because of how my mom and sister reacted. I have a couple friends I have discussed it with and the rest of my close family who are very supportive. We just had family vacation and my mom made a point of pointing out all the things I was doing she thought I wouldn’t be “able” to do after surgery. Drink alcohol (I had 1-2 drinks a day) and have ice cream. Yep. Will I explain to people later? Maybe

[SHORTY_ 155]

So this is something I have been struggling lately with tremendously. I talked to my parents when I decided that surgery is what I wanted to do (after 2 years of contemplating it). I just spoke with my 12-year-old daughter over the weekend since my surgery is getting close and there will be some drastic changes in the home for a while. I haven't really thought much of telling anyone until a few weeks ago when I bumped into a close mutual friend in one of my classes that I had no idea was going through the program as well. Immediately my heart kinda sunk because I knew if some of my close inner circle found out without it coming from me they would probably feel a little hurt I didn't feel like I could talk to them. I'm not embarrassed or trying to hide it. My dad's reaction was about what I expect most will respond with, not too much understanding since I have lost the weight before and was able to maintain it for a few years. I don't want to not tell people and feel like a fraud or try to dupe anyone that it was all on my own. I agree that I don't owe anyone an explanation... I just feel a little defeated the more I think about it.

[Muffinman1119 84]

I won't lie, I have friends and co-workers who have had some sort of weight loss surgery (lap band, gastric bypass, etc.) and I unfortunately didn't look at them as I should. I thought they "took the easy way out, didn't work hard enough, etc.". However, now that the shoe is on the other foot, I realize it was wrong for me to unnecessarily project my opinion on their situation. All that aside...

I think it's up to you when, who, and how you tell. You can be as detailed or as vague as you'd like. I've told my boss at work and just told her I was having "surgery". I have told close friends and family, who I know would be more supportive and receptive to it. Ultimately, it's up to you who you tell and how you tell them. Good Luck!

[Esi 179]

Another idea that I learned from someone on a post a while back: if you had any other medical condition, and sought treatment for it, are you obligated to be truthful with anyone who asks about you? Such as mental health—does anyone deserve to know that someone takes medication for depression?

[KevinS62 73]

20 hours ago, Capri81 said:

We just had family vacation and my mom made a point of pointing out all the things I was doing she thought I wouldn’t be “able” to do after surgery. Drink alcohol (I had 1-2 drinks a day) and have ice cream. Yep. Will I explain to people later? Maybe

And that's why it's so hard to share this with others. Even my mom was a little less than encouraging the first time I mentioned it to her. She just said that I needed to talk to my sister since she had it.

But back to my thought, as soon as I tell some, they say "Say good-bye to your beer", or "You know you can never have xyz again.", or "I'm losing weight the natural way.", meaning their way is the right way and I'm taking the easy way/cheating. To those, you can either laugh it off or try to enlighten them.

Edited July 19, 2022 by KevinS62
Their, not there. Duh

[Esi 179]

18 hours ago, Capri81 said:We just had family vacation and my mom made a point of pointing out all the things I was doing she thought I wouldn’t be “able” to do after surgery. Drink alcohol (I had 1-2 drinks a day) and have ice cream. Yep. Will I explain to people later? Maybe

I had sugar free ice cream about 3 months post op. I have it a few times a year and enjoy it still!

[Esi 179]

6 minutes ago, KevinS62 said:

But back to my thought, as soon as I tell some, they say "Say good-bye to your beer", or "You know you can never have xyz again.", or "I'm losing weight the natural way.", meaning there way is the right way and I'm taking the easy way/cheating. To those, you can either laugh it off or try to enlighten them.

Yes! Some people just don’t understand. WLS is still losing the “natural way” by changing one’s diet. It’s just we are put on a more level playing field as far as appetite and stomach capacity. I don’t have time nor energy to deal with judgmental people so the less they know the better.

[KimA-GA 540]

9 minutes ago, Esi said:

Yes! Some people just don’t understand. WLS is still losing the “natural way” by changing one’s diet. It’s just we are put on a more level playing field as far as appetite and stomach capacity. I don’t have time nor energy to deal with judgmental people so the less they know the better.

Yes! WLS is a tool for success. Once you reach a certain size it can be extremely hard without medical help to loose enough weight and this is one way to get medical help. You still have to work hard at it and you still have to monitor diet and exercise but the modification makes the weight loss more achievable!

[SleeveCaroline 23]

My surgery is this Friday and I have only my husband and close family that know about it. At the moment I have no desire to tell anyone. Most of my close friends have seen my weight fluctuate drastically. On another note, throughout this process (specifically endoscopy) I was diagnosed with Celiac Disease and my friends know about that diagnosis. My plan is to say that I am working with a dietician and really watching my food intake...which is true. I feel I have no need to expand after that.

I did tell my family not to tell anyone. Once I have the surgery, I may feel more relaxed and tell people but right now it is a definite NO. I told them that I am telling them for their support and not to have secrets. However, this is only my story to tell when and if I choose to reveal it.

Side note: it took me almost 10 years to get the Celiac diagnosis. Whenever I tried to explain my symptoms, my doctor would always say I have IBS and gastric issues because I am fat. I switched to a new doctor and I couldn't believe my ears when she said that my gastric issues were making me fat! I finally feel like I am on the right path!

[SuziDavis 549]

On 7/15/2022 at 12:33 PM, KimA-GA said:

Greetings,

how long before surgery did you inform other people of your plans t get gastric sleeve surgery? I am currently looking at a flurry of doctors appointments leading up to a surgery in October. I work in a small office so my absences are seen. Getting the surgery isn’t a shameful thing, but I see it as private for now. I don’t know how much closer to time I should wait.

I am concerned about other people’s reaction. I know there will be judgements and gossip. (I know they already are!) Once I tell, I want to be open and honest because I hope the results will be noticeable. I just don’t look forward to dealing with the people. Getting the surgery is a huge positive step to allow me to live life to its fullest and have a healthier life. I don’t have doubts about it, but I know how people are.

When did you tell people before surgery?

what kind of reactions did you get ?

I have only told the people who matter to me. I do not feel I owe anyone an explanation on my personal health. and some people would be jerks. All of my family and friends know, and my co-workers who I am close with.

[fourmonthspreop 525]

You don't owe anyone an explanation. I stick to telling people I feel it'd be important for them to know which is virtually no one haha.
I told my immediate family and my best friends, that's it. I told my boss I was having digestion issues and needed surgery.

Sent from my SM-G975U using BariatricPal mobile app

[Capri81 21]

2 hours ago, Esi said:

I had sugar free ice cream about 3 months post op. I have it a few times a year and enjoy it still!

The thing was the ice cream we got was very healthy. A small local place that makes dairy free low sugar options (that tastes good!). Plus gluten free