All,

I was attacked by another member for telling a poster what I think is the truth to try to give them some tough love and open their eyes to what is happening. When people post on here, it is not a stretch to assume that they have a real problem and are looking at real solutions. What good does it do to reassure people that they are just fine and they are doing the right thing just to make them feel good. They are on here because they have a problem they need help with. If they want to solve the problem, sometimes they are going to have to hear something that may not make them smile. Sometimes the truth hurts and in order to come to a solution, you have to look at everything realistically to make the corrections needed.

I was accused of purposely being unhelpful and I take offense to that. I have posted many more encouraging posts to people than the opposite because most people here just need a little reassurance and they are doing the right things to be successful. Once in a while, people are not doing what their surgical team recommends or may be doing things counterproductive and I have said that point blank. Does that make me a "mean" person as this person accused me of? Maybe, but maybe, just maybe the original poster needed to hear the "mean" truth in order to understand what needs to be done.

Bottom line is, if people post on here, I again assume they want people to be truthful and helpful, not just be a cheerleader and try to make them feel better. They will feel better when they are successful in their journey.

I read the thread and I’m sorry but there’s too many people who think they’re being supportive when in reality, it’s enabling. This process is tough and yes, sometimes in weight loss there are tough messages that need to be delivered. You stayed your case using data, facts, and logic. Your responses were not emotional. I’d rather surround myself on this journey with helpful people instead of enablers.

15 hours ago, ms.sss said:

Ok. I may regret dipping my toes into these waters, as i am anti-confrontation…but im feeling particularly ballsy today. Here goes:

Im gonna declare myself Team Tony here…to a certain degree.

Tony, i just read “that” thread that is being referred to and specifically looked up this thread up as it was mentioned there (am a glutton for punishment).

For what its worth, your initial response did not read unhelpful and mean to ME. I got what i think was your intention to sincerely (and firmly) help sans any coddling.

I’ve read some truly unhelpful and mean posts here before (and that guy was banned thank goodness Superman/Mikey, anyone???) and yours does not come close.

However.

The OP did not see/read into your post your intention, and said so (however “colourful” thier reply). At this point it *may* have been more prudent to just shrug and walk away. OP was looking for something else (commiseration, maybe? Validation? A place to vent? Love?). Further reading into that thread made it clear they weren’t looking for specific advice for change. Your well-intended words will hold zero Water here.

Now, i also feel for you (or anyone) when you got called stuff in CAPITAL LETTERS. I got second hand bad-feelings reading that.

Anyway just wanted to say a little something cuz i kinda feel you were misunderstood and then dumped on.

I may not agree with everything you say, but i respect your desire to share it (respectfully).

❤️

Thanks....as I said earlier. My intentions were good. I just don't think this person really wanted help.

2 minutes ago, Tony B - NJ said:

Thanks....as I said earlier. My intentions were good. I just don't think this person really wanted help.

As I said on the original thread, you were right, and I apologize. I just err on the side of taking people at their word. She said she was eating 1200 calories, and I know there are people who don't lose weight well after surgery - but I didn't realize that the weight loss with ESG is really kinda low anyway. So, she just chose the wrong surgery and her head wasn't in the right place, as she made clear in her later responses.

I still don't think tough love is the best strategy for most people, but it sounds like she really needed further work on herself before she went through with ANY surgery.

Again, my apologies for attacking you yesterday.

42 minutes ago, lizonaplane said:

As I said on the original thread, you were right, and I apologize. I just err on the side of taking people at their word. She said she was eating 1200 calories, and I know there are people who don't lose weight well after surgery - but I didn't realize that the weight loss with ESG is really kinda low anyway. So, she just chose the wrong surgery and her head wasn't in the right place, as she made clear in her later responses.

I still don't think tough love is the best strategy for most people, but it sounds like she really needed further work on herself before she went through with ANY surgery.

Again, my apologies for attacking you yesterday.

Thank you. Let's move on and try to help others be successful like we have been to this point.

On 05/12/2022 at 12:15, Tony B - NJ said:

Very true....but I feel it is important to tell people the truth. Maybe my method is a little rough but the heart is in the right place, I can assure you.

I think a lot of the commenters on that post are women and perhaps wish it had a more feminine polish on the statement. To be 100% real though, I agreed with you completely. ??‍♀️

I have always been blunt...so Team Tony

I was going to respond yesterday, I didn’t, I’m doing it now. ??‍♀️
I did not find the post that was singled out as being ‘not helpful’ as not helpful. ??‍♀️ I, however, lean towards being forthright and dare I say, blunt. That being said, I did not find (was it Tony’s post?) (I’m new here and truly don’t know anyone) blunt, not helpful, or out of line in anyway. In fact, as I was reading it (and I did read the entire thread), I decided that I didn’t have to comment because ‘that’ comment echoed pretty much I thought. ??‍♀️
I began this entire journey 5 months ago with research into procedure the OP had undergone…Gastroplasty. I had the zoom interview with the Surgery Coordinator and I was asked how much weight I wanted to lose; I replied that I wanted to use 75-100 lbs,and the SC replied that I would not be able to lose that amount of weight via Gastroplasty. Game Over.
I went into all that above to say that my initial reaction to the original post in question was that perhaps the Gastroplasty end results had not been accurately represented to the OP.
That’s all…wishing you all a restful weekend. I finally meet with my surgeon on Monday and I will get a surgery date. ???

12 hours ago, Tony B - NJ said:

Thank you. Let's move on and try to help others be successful like we have been to this point.

Group Hug ❤️

“Other peoples opinions are none of my business” I move on