Is there anything I?ve forgotten?

vinesqueen · February 5, 2005

I believe I’m ready.

I’ve done some serious soul searching. I know some of the reasons I’ve been holding on to my armor of fat. At least, I think I know. A big thank-you to everyone here for helping me along this journey. I’ve read almost everything posted since October, and that is sure a lot! J Most of it has been very thought provoking for me. I hope I’ve been able to add to the quality of the board, and not just created a lot of useless noise! The before-and-after pix are such an inspiration, as is the NSV thread. The results y’all have shared amaze me and give me hope.

I need all the hope I can get. You see, I am still in the camp where I don’t quite believe that this band will actually help me. I have tried just about everything, but I only end up fatter than ever. I worry that it won’t work for me. I know that the band is only a tool, and not magic. I know I still have lots of hard work ahead of me.

I believe I’ve set a realistic goal for myself; I want to end up a pants size of 12, and end up around 170 pounds. So, that’s just shy of 100 pounds, and a full 10 sizes. My first NSV goal is to nicely fit into a desk at school, not feel like a sausage squeezed into the desk…

food and exercise:

I’ve examined my relationship to food, and I’ve discovered why I HAVE to have a house full of food even if I never ever eat it. I know most of the foods that trigger a binge. I have learned a lot about some of the various eating disorders. I’m learning that even thin people think they are fat and are made miserable by that.

I’m practicing chewing everything to mush…. I even masticate in public! However, I’m a little worried about not drinking with meals though because I find some foods too dry to swallow without the added benefit of a sip of Water.< /p>

Because I’m currently recovering from a severe asthma episode that lasted for several months, I’m slowly getting back to where I was physically. I actually took the stairs yesterday without even thinking about it! Sure I was winded when reached the next floor, but I was exhilarated at the same time. It sucks being limited to “as tolerated” especially when I am still not tolerating as much as I was before this episode started in November. But one of my goals is to get my black belt in Tae Kwon Do before I graduate, and I know what that work will require.

Aftercare:

All aftercare will be taken care of in Seattle, which is groovy with me because it means I can write off trips home. And any excuse to go home is a good one. Okay, well, almost any excuse…

Jammin & Losin · February 5, 2005

Vinesqueen,

I am so with you on everything your feeling right now. I think we are having feelings that are pretty normal at this point . We are trying to be positive,but yet that is really hard when nothing else has worked long term before. So..... we just gotta take that step and give it all we got and that will have to be good enough.

I keep wondering if I'm really ready for what lies ahead after banding, and the thing is we just don't know...I am telling myself take it one day at a time and it will get a little easier with each day and we will cope with the changes as they come.

We can only have hope that we will get what we want and that is to be healthy. It will be hard and the journey will be long and that is what we want (LONG TERM RESULTS) . IT HAS HELPED SO MANY. IT WILL WORK FOR US!!!

whippledaddy · February 6, 2005

Shortly before I went to surgery I was full of doubt. My main concern was me. I remembered all those times I had lost weight, fifty, eighty, pounds at a time. And each time I would gain it all back, and then a little more. I had always been a failure, and had nothing to show me any different.

But now I have a band. I have had two fills. The band doesn't fail. And slowly, day by day, I prove to myself I'm not a failure all the time. Sometimes I fail, but sometimes I don't. Sometimes I win. And sometimes is far better than no times.

You may not trust in your own will power, and you shouldn't, you've already proven how fickle a friend willpower can be. But you can trust that band. It'll stop you short. It will always be your friend. It'll gently remind you that you need to slow down, and if you don't, the reminders get a little less gentle.

So, you're going to be just fine. You'll get the band. You'll heal. You'll get very tired of liquids, and mushies. But you will get past that. Then you'll really begin. You're like a car, liquids are first gear, mushies are second gear, and then out on the highway for overdrive, normal food.

Yes, sometimes you'll fail. But that only means sometimes you'll succeed. You'll win sometimes. Fat will begin to disappear. And this whole journey is a little like an auction: It isn't where you start, it's where you end up, that counts.

Good luck. Trust the band. Trust this board. And the day will come when you realize you can trust yourself.

the best me · February 6, 2005

Vinesqueen,

I so wish I could make the same post, "I believe I'm ready". I want to thank you for your thoughts on this board. I suspect you and I have very different religious beliefs, but that's okay, we can still learn from one another. I have learned from you to question whatever it is within me that feels spiritually deficient because of my weight. Thank you for that. What I have realized is that if there is an area in my spiritual life that "needs work", I am not able to find it stuck here. I also suspect that having the Band, losing the weight and being forced, if you will, to face my relationship with food in ways I cannot predict, I may very well find the spiritual journey equally as difficult, yet rewarding. I look forward to not just thinking I'm ready, but believing it as well.

You will do great, I know it. Congratulations!

Vickums · February 6, 2005

Vinesqueen,

Wow, you sure are thorough. I've had many of the same internal discussions but wasn't able to articulate them as well as you have. I think examining one's relationship with food is important prior to surgery to minimize the nasty surprises. I'm sure there will still be things that surprise us, and there will be a mourning period as far as food goes (and its comfort). But knowing that ahead of time prevents us at least from being blindsided by it.

Like you, I still am not a believer that the band (or any WLS for that matter) will help me. I've tried so many things, over and over, with little or no success. And it's not as though I eat vast quantities of food; my intake is fairly modest. It's just that in order for me to lose, I have to extremely decrease my intake (down to 900 cals a day or so), which is very painful with a normal sized stomach. It's hard for me to believe that the band (or bypass, which I'm considering because of insurance/aftercare issues) could actually work for me. But what I do know is this: what I'm doing now clearly is NOT working. I'm continuing to gain weight so obviously I must do something. And my options are pretty limited.

I'm definitely with ya about any reason to visit Seattle. I left there in 1998 and have missed it terribly since. I haven't made it back since, something I hope to remedy someday. Isn't it a lovely place?

Best of luck with your journey.

vinesqueen · February 19, 2005

Okay, I'm still obsessing over this. Reading the various threads about gas, it just occured to me would taking something for the gas before surgery be a good idea???? Something like those baby drops?

Jammin & Losin · February 19, 2005

Vines Queen~~ I would just wait and see if you get any gas. I have been very suprised that with my Gallbladder surgery gas hasn't been much of an issue. I know everyone is different and the band surgery is a little different than gallbladder but I would think the gas pain is about the same. I bought Gas X chewable tabs took 1 yesterday burped really big and have been fine since. I would take no meds before surgery unless your surgeon knows about it first. They are very through about asking what you ate drink and what meds you took before surgery.