June 9th 2021 was my surgery date. My fiancé and my family were so elated. “You finally get to start you life again”, they said. I was ready to bloody do this! Surgery was supposed to start at 11am and then got pushed back severely due to an emergency the surgeon had to deal with. My surgery didn’t commence until 9:30pm that day. I...was still ready but everyone was anxious and worried the surgeon would be exhausted and what not. Well not 30 minutes after, the surgery was aborted leaving me with six incisions and a pool of tears and anguish. My liver was too big to navigate the surgeon says. I did the pre-op diet. I DID it!!! What f**king gives? Now I did all this for nothing! He tells me lose 20-30 pounds then come back. Oh, it’s that easy, huh? I gotta lose more goddamn weight. Do you know how hard it was to lose the necessary amount to even get this f**king far? In the heat of the moment it just felt insincere of this guy to say such things and just leave me in my pool of tears saying “it was hard for me too”. Haha I don’t doubt that after doing another surgery right after this one for 12 hours straight but it is t about you. This was supposed to be it. Now look at me. 6 incisions, one bleeding out, 6 new ugly scars and nothing to show for any of it but more starvation. More misery. More depressed and sadness. How am I to recover from all this? I don’t want to quit but I’m so tired. I don’t want to do this anymore. I mean no blood tests indicated a fatty liver at all. No abdominal scan was done to indicate that as well. Mom wants me to sue. My finances mom wants me to talk to a malpractice lawyer. I just hate everyone and everything. I’m filled with so much shame. To be honest I know he may have made the right decision but I still hate him for how unsincere it all felt. I am so distraught and I cannot stop crying. I may not have another chance at this for awhile. So much was riding on this. So f**king much. I waited so so long for this second chance.

Oh my! How frustrating and disappointing, I know. BUT, and I know you don't necessarily want to hear this but, it's for the best. You wouldn't want some complication pop up because the liver got in the way, ya know? And, while this is not typical, it HAS HAPPENED to many people. They get in there and have to stop for one reason or another. I know you're angry, but I wouldn't let it stop me from going forward if it were me. I'd just try hard to lose the weight they mentioned and go for it again. So sorry but I know if you can do it!!

I'm so sorry!! I have heard of this happening to people who don't follow the pre-op diet, but even then it seems rare. Only you know if you did everything you were supposed to do. If you followed your instructions to a T, then tell your surgeon that, and tell him that you need to make sure this isn't going to happen again next time. If you weren't perfect on the pre-op diet, then you know to be perfect next time. Heck either way, you need to be perfect next time.

As for losing another 20-30 lbs, I would white knuckle it, do mostly protein shakes, and basically live on the pre-op diet for the next 2 months.

I'm so sorry, and can only imagine your frustration! I would be in tears also. Lots of HUGS!!!

Sorry this happened to you

I am sorry for your troubles and can only imagine the tears and frustration. Although not something you want to hear at this time, your feelings about how and why the decision to stop surgery was made are not relevant. Ask for a copy of the surgical report which should provide details. Give yourself time for the strong emotions to pass and then make a clear-headed decision on how to proceed.

So sorry this happened to you. If I were in your position, I would be feeling the exact same way. Your feelings are absolutely valid. I know it's easy for people who have already had the surgery to say "Just keep trying." Those words sound good, but when you just had your dream crushed, they are very little consolation at all. I can't imagine being in your position. I honestly would feel like giving up as well because for me, this surgery was such a light at the end of the tunnel. I felt like it was my absolute last hope. All I can say is I'm so sorry this happened to you and you have the right to be devastated for a while.

2 hours ago, Maisey said:

I am sorry for your troubles and can only imagine the tears and frustration. Although not something you want to hear at this time, your feelings about how and why the decision to stop surgery was made are not relevant. Ask for a copy of the surgical report which should provide details. Give yourself time for the strong emotions to pass and then make a clear-headed decision on how to proceed.

I should have been more clear in what I wrote. Your feelings are not relevant to a decision about any potential legal action.

Your strong emotions are a normal reaction to an immense disappointment. Emotions don't just exist. We create our emotions by what we tell ourselves in response to an event that occurs. Emotions result from that. Of course, it's not quite that simple. Read about cognitive behavioral theory if you are interested in more details. Take the time to identify all of the problems/obstacles, brainstorm solutions and your final goal. Then act on the best solution once you've evaluated your choices. Good decisions are rarely born from emotion.

On 06/11/2021 at 14:52, Maisey said:

I should have been more clear in what I wrote. Your feelings are not relevant to a decision about any potential legal action.

Your strong emotions are a normal reaction to an immense disappointment. Emotions don't just exist. We create our emotions by what we tell ourselves in response to an event that occurs. Emotions result from that. Of course, it's not quite that simple. Read about cognitive behavioral theory if you are interested in more details. Take the time to identify all of the problems/obstacles, brainstorm solutions and your final goal. Then act on the best solution once you've evaluated your choices. Good decisions are rarely born from emotion.

I’m sure you mean well, but telling someone who just essentially had their dreams shattered and is recovering from surgical pain (with no surgery) is not likely going to research cognitive behavioral theory.

There is no need to research anything. I simply wanted to provide a background for the advice and to make it clear that it is not something I am making up. Giving a loved one advice to seek a legal remedy when she is in a highly emotional state, is questionable. Well intended, I’m sure but likely not realistic unless there is factual information to support it. All I am suggesting is that she take the time to work through her emotions and then make the best decision.

Oh hun, I'm so sorry that happened to you! I can't imagine how heartbreaking that must be! If you DO decide to eventually try for surgery again, try another doctor. The surgeon you had doesn't sound like someone with good bedside manner nor someone who tried at all to comfort you and seemed to come down on you instead. That's just unacceptable behavior! I know that it's going to be hard to get passed this so I'm going to suggest seeing a therapist. They really do work wonders and it really helps to talk about your worries and about the disappointment and fears. No matter what decision you make from here and out, I hope that things get better for you and I wish you the best.

I'm very sorry you're going through this. After all the struggle, anxiety, effort, discipline and determination of the pre-op process, it would be devastating to wake up and find out your surgery could not proceed. Please do be gentle with yourself, give yourself time to process what has happened before determining next steps. I'll second the suggestion to talk to a therapist - it can be really helpful. When you've recovered, physically, mentally, emotionally, I might consider finding a new surgeon. Aborting may have been the right medical decision, but because your doctor came across as uncaring and insincere, your trust in him has been compromised. Or perhaps when you talk to him again, you'll find that he's not as indifferent as it seemed in the moment. Either way, focus on self-care and when you're ready, I hope you'll find the motivation to keep pushing toward your goal. Hugs.

On 6/11/2021 at 10:22 AM, ChubRub said:

I'm so sorry!! I have heard of this happening to people who don't follow the pre-op diet, but even then it seems rare. Only you know if you did everything you were supposed to do. If you followed your instructions to a T, then tell your surgeon that, and tell him that you need to make sure this isn't going to happen again next time. If you weren't perfect on the pre-op diet, then you know to be perfect next time. Heck either way, you need to be perfect next time.

As for losing another 20-30 lbs, I would white knuckle it, do mostly Protein Shakes, and basically live on the pre-op diet for the next 2 months.

I'm so sorry, and can only imagine your frustration! I would be in tears also. Lots of HUGS!!!

I agree with this post. Years ago when I was on a diet of protein shakes, I lost about 40 pounds in two and a half months. After the first few days, I wasn't really hungry any more. I recall having special vitamins, so you might ask the doc's office if you should start bariatric vitamins if you're going to do just shakes.

You might also ask the person who did your psych consult for a referral to a therapist to help deal with the disappointment.

That really sucks. I can only imagine how must feel. I hope you don't give up though.

I am so sorry to hear you’ve been through such a traumatic and frustrating experience. This was my greatest fear as well going into surgery. I would definitely recommend a second or third opinion on this to see what your options are. I would also be sure to request a full copy of all your medical records so they can be examined by another party, and to make sure that protocol was followed correctly.

How disappointing for you. No wonder you’re frustrated & deflated by the experience. It’s unfortunate your surgeon was unsupportive & not forthcoming about what happened. I agree with @Jaelzion’s suggestion to try to speak with him again to find out what really happened & what it means for you. Sometimes, regardless of the scans & tests they do or don’t do before surgery, what they find when they operate & can actually see is not what they expect. Better they stop the surgery then risk complications, a less successful surgery or prolonged recovery.

On a positive, he’ll likely use the same incisions as he made with your aborted surgery when you do finally have your surgery. When I had my gall bladder removed my surgeon used three of the incisions he made when he did my sleeve & only had to make one new one to better access my gall.

Good luck.

Thanks for all your support.