I've always had a problem of looking in the mirror and seeing a fat chick no matter what my weight. Are y'all like that too? It's so frustrating now that we can't try clothes on and I always buy them too big and have to return them.

Is there anything you can do to see yourself the way you truly are? Thanks!

I dont like looking in a full mirror because I dont like my body. I have worked so hard to drop 70 pounds to get sick and gain 70+ back

On ‎6‎/‎9‎/‎2020 at 4:16 PM, ms.sss said:

...its funny because when I was bigger, I thought I was smaller than I really was. Now that I’m smaller, I think I am bigger than I really am....

This is literally me. Its...bizarre.

i struggle with this as well. Ive been in maintenance now for a couple months and i still dont feel as if im where i need to be. i think a lot has to do with the extra skin for me. Part of me feels like it keeps me strict on myself though. So maybe its not the worst thing. Fear of going back is the worst part about all of this for me.

Most days I feel great. 6 1/2 years later my biggest issue is tucking my shirt in. I just can’t. I waited a long time. I’m ready for some plastics now. I wanted to make sure I was over feeling the fat girl thing. I think if I would have done it years ago I would not have ever got to where I felt good. Make sense? I would have kept finding things wrong with me. Maybe just get someone to take pictures of you at all angles. Sometimes I see pictures and I’m like damn I’m thin!

I do. With clothes on I really like my body shape (minus the fact that my boobs always shrink when I lose weight lol - I am small chested). For me, I do still think my calves are way too big. And clothes off, I don't like my belly yet... but part of that is the fact that I had 3 c-sections. And also when I lost weight this time, I see more stretch marks and it's a bit too saggy/loose. Not sure if I will ever like those things about myself. I thought I was done losing weight/clothing sizes... but this week I have started dropping pounds again. I weighed 103 and wore size 3 when I graduated high school. After nursing school and before my first baby I weighed 135 and wore a size 5. I was 24. I have never been that small since (although I came close when I lost my last baby weight before my whole body rebelled against me). Today? I weighed in at 128.3 and wear a size 4! And I stopped trying to lose weight a couple months ago. Anyhow, like I said, I am happy with my clothed body, but still wish I could get my stomach and calves to a size/shape that makes me happy. I do think it is hard for most of us to be completely happy and not view some part of our body through a warped lense.

Edited June 21, 20206 yr by momof3_angels

On 6/17/2020 at 10:59 AM, alissajs said:

This is literally me. Its...bizarre.

That was me, too. I always saw myself as overweight, but not really obese. Now when I look at old photos I am mortified at how fat I really was. Now it is hard to envision myself as anything but large. I went from a 24 jeans to a 10, and am very comfortable with that. I did save some old jeans and it is really pretty horrifying to think that I could now fit TWO of me into that pair! What has helped reframe my new size is looking at other people at work who wear the same sized scrubs as I do. I used to wear 2XX and now wear small. It has helped to see other people who wear smalls, also, to realize that my size is the same as theirs. It still seems surreal at times, but the small scrubs don't lie. I really am that size. This daily reinforcement has been a positive reality check for me.

I'm regularly told I'm skinny, by family and now I'm getting it from colleagues. Objectively I can see my ribs, and collarbones, and my arms are just muscle and bone (and loose skin!). BUT my size 10 Aus pants fall off my hips and are tight on my calves ?. I look at my legs and think they are huge, but have no butt anymore, just loose skin. I don't feel like I look in proportion. Body dysmporphia is real and hard to move past.

Plus I'm only 0.6 of a kg from from my goal weight of 60kg. But my weightloss disordered eating brain says "we'll, why not get to 59? Why stop there, get to 58?". So maintenance and deciding when is enough is going to be hard for me. At my last surgeon visit the exercise physiologist told me I should stop losing weight as my body fat was getting low. I've lost another 8.5kg since then. And it still falls off pretty easily nearly 9 months out from vsg.

I still watch television and see the actors as "other." In my head, they are thin, normal people and I am still obese. This is how I've perceived people for the past 20 years. Them, a tribe of normal people. Me, a very fat outsider. Every so often, I must remind myself that I look like them now. Normal. They are no longer "other." But the thoughts linger.

I struggle with this also. I have everyone telling me I am so tiny now and skin and bones...which I don't see. I try to explain to them that what they see and what I see when I look in the mirror or at my body are two very different things. I don't deny that I am a whole lot smaller than I used to be, but thin and skin and bones doesn't really seem rational in my eyes. I am well aware that it is body dysmorphia . I do look at side by side pictures of before and after and I do see the difference. I don't still see myself as heavy as I used to be but I don't see the thin. Some days I can see it in my face and then the next day my face looks really puffy and big. It's a really strange game our minds play on us.

On 6/23/2020 at 10:02 AM, Prestonandme said:

I still watch television and see the actors as "other." In my head, they are thin, normal people and I am still obese. This is how I've perceived people for the past 20 years. Them, a tribe of normal people. Me, a very fat outsider. Every so often, I must remind myself that I look like them now. Normal. They are no longer "other." But the thoughts linger.

You are so right. It is more than just how we see ourselves, but also how we see others. There is a HUGE difference between being a member of the "outsider fat tribe" and the "normal tribe." Not only has our personal perspective changed, but others have, too. If you walk into a room of people you don't know, you are now automatically included in the "Normal Tribe." Any obese people in the room see you this way, also, when in fact, we most likely still feel like members of the "fat tribe." The fat tribe members will assume you are judging them, because that is how WE felt when we were fat. It's so weird. I've had patients tell me I couldn't relate to their obesity, since I am thin. Then I tell them I lost 110 pounds and that I really CAN relate, and they just don't know what to do with that, either, because now my success demands a response that many of them, unfortunately, are not willing or ready to make. I've heard all the "reasons" - genetics, slow metabolism, thyroid, can't exercise, etc, etc. - the same ones I used to use to explain my obesity.

It is sooooooo strange to navigate this shift in how we think and how others think about us, and then having to reconfigure our responses to others' shifted views. The good thing, is that it gets better with time. Things really do start to feel more normal, the longer out I am from surgery. It's a matter of learning how to live in what feels like a new world with reverse polarity!

I'm currently reading "Hunger" by Roxane Gay. It is a memoir about being morbidly obese, how one perceives the world, and how the world perceives the obese. At her heaviest, Gay was 577 pounds at 6'3. She does not disclose her current weight, but Google Images shows that she's still very obese.

I found it interesting that Gay went with her father to a seminar about weight loss surgery and walked out disgusted. She called the videos of the surgery "grotesque and chilling" and the weight loss seminar "a total freak show." She and her father concluded that she is "not at this point yet." "A little more self control. Exercising twice a day. That's all you need," said her father. Gay admits she desires the results of weight loss surgery but does not want to undergo the surgery.

Though she repeatedly denies the damaging health effects of obesity and devotes an entire book to the struggles of being obese and and coping with the harsh perceptions and judgment of others, she is unable and unwilling to do what's necessary to change her life.

According to one study, only one obese woman out of seven is still alive at 75 years old. Gay is in her forties. I hope she one day saves herself from an early death.

On 6/28/2020 at 11:44 AM, Prestonandme said:

I'm currently reading "Hunger" by Roxane Gay. I hope she one day saves herself from an early death.

Roxane Gay had VSG two and a half years ago, in January 2018. You can read about her decision (it is not one she arrived at easily) and her process here and here.

On 6/9/2020 at 11:16 PM, ms.sss said:

...its funny because when I was bigger, I thought I was smaller than I really was. Now that I’m smaller, I think I am bigger than I really am....

This is me in a nutshell as well. Im slowly slowly coming to terms with how I look now, but I still hate buy pants since women's sizes (even longs) are too short on me. I still have to buy men's pants which infuriates me to no end.

I love how I look in clothes (for the most part) but naked I look wrinkly and saggy ???‍♀️

10 hours ago, Krestel said:

This is me in a nutshell as well. Im slowly slowly coming to terms with how I look now, but I still hate buy pants since women's sizes (even longs) are too short on me. I still have to buy men's pants which infuriates me to no end.

Im thinking if anyone has some decent sewing skills, they could make a killing making/altering clothes for all of us on here.

Any takers, lol??

I’m talking to you, @GreenTealael

???

Edited July 3, 20206 yr by ms.sss