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Newbie considering surgery. Help with negative thoughts?



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Posted (edited)

Hi, I'm Kam. I'm new and considering weight loss surgery.

I have some negative thoughts about it, however. I see it as a (please don't take this personally, this is me being honest about what I'm going through) "failure," giving up, giving in, I couldn't do it on my own, easy way out, etc. I know, I knoooow how that sounds. Also, I've been struggling with weight my entire life, childhood trauma, abuse, neglect, shitty life, using food as a coping mechanism, 200lbs by middle school, blah, blah, blah. And so I think I'll prob just regain. Plus my insurance doesn't cover it so I think it'll be a waste of money. Just a lot of... less than wonderful thoughts.

But then there is a part of me that is excited beyond belief. That has never had a slim body and wants exercise and life to be easier. Who is excited to try rock climbing and horseback riding and canoeing and pole dancing and barre and wants to do a half marathon and triathalon and hike and for it to be fun and challenging instead of another shitty, not fun hurdle.

I'm already in therapy, but only recently have allowed myself to consider weight loss surgery, so haven't discussed it with her yet.

I'm not sure exactly what I'm asking. Did any of you experience these feelings? How did you get through it? As I type it feels like I'm asking for permission finally give in, to get help with my weight struggles and not just tough it out and make this work alone. Permission to forgive myself for not being strong enough to fix this on my own. Idk. Compassion and reassurance that it's ok that I tried and failed so many times and it's not bad to do something different. Tears are streaming down my face at this point. This hasn't been the happiest post but something inside me tells me I'm ready to try something new. That losing the weight quickly initially so I gain access to the life I've always wanted, might be the boost I need to make a change because I really want so much more for my life. I'm ready for a change.

Edited by Kam1177
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Having wls is not at all giving in. It takes courage and the strong desire to be healthy to put yourself through major surgery. We have all struggled with yo yo dieting. Losing the weight only to put it back in plus more.

This is not your fault. Some of it has to do with genetics. Plus once we put weight on our bodies reach a set point. It thinks this is the weight we are supposed to be so will literally fight us to get back to original weight.

it is great that you are already in therapy. A good bit of our food issues are in our heads. You will do well to get your head straight before surgery. The surgery is just a tool. There is still a lot of work to be done on our part to not only lose the weight but also to maintain.

hang in there. You got this and we are here to support you.

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We all had some of these feelings, to varying extents. Definitely talk to your therapist and work through your emotions. But I have to say, surgery was the best decision I ever made. And it allowed me to finally have success and regain my healthy body and healtjier lifestyle. It is NOT taking the wasy way out. It is taking charge and steering your future towards a better life.

Sent from my SM-G955U using BariatricPal mobile app

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Nope you are wrong it is Not giving in - It is a tool Just like diet pills, exercise equipment etc. The key to this tool is it never turns off and keeps you in Line. Past sucked! So my view is take the tool and get healthy and happy for the next journey of life.

You can do this. we are all here to help

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well, all I can say is I spent about 30 years gaining and losing weight. It finally got to the point, when I was in my 50s, that it finally dawned on me that it wasn't working, it had never worked, and it probably wasn't going to work in the future, either. So if I wanted to lose weight and keep it off, I was going to have to do something drastic.

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I used to see it the same way you did until I spent some time researching how challenging it is to function after WLS. Weight Watchers and the treadmill is NOTHING compared to this. Now I see it as being the hardest thing I will ever do to try and cure my obesity. I hope I'm strong enough.

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WLS is not failure or taking the easy way out, TRUST me! It's difficult no matter what you do, but WLS is a LIFE choice! I struggled with my weight my entire life. I was 130 pounds at 11, 230 at 14, 303 at 17, and at 31 I was up to my highest weight of 389 and that's when I made the decision to do something about it. At my first bariatric appointment I weighed in at 385 and that's why I count from that. I had tried SOOOOO many diets and nothing worked. Turns out I had an issue with my thyroid all along that every time they had tested it they'd missed it because the test weren't thorough enough, but the bariatric surgery clinic required a more thorough test. I had six months of weigh-ins required to be approved for surgery via my insurance and it took an extra two months to schedule me due to them being over scheduled so it was an 8 month process. I went on an elimination diet where each month I cut out something that I wouldn't be able to eat after (soda, rice, Pasta, bread, potatoes, Beans, etc) simply because I wanted to mentally prepare myself because I didn't trust my willpower and I shocked myself by loosing 64 pounds before my surgery on my own. It's been 4 months since I had my surgery and I've lost an additional 65 pounds and I'm really happy about it and don't regret my choice of having surgery because it's helped me get down to 256 pounds, a number I haven't seen since HIGH SCHOOL (I was 15 the last time I saw that number)!

So yes, it's not an easy choice, but if you're making it for the right reasons and have the determination to work for it, you will definitely succeed! I only wish I'd done this ten years ago and most people will tell you the same.

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Wow thanks for the replies guys! I'm reading them all now.

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6 hours ago, Losingit2018 said:

Having wls is not at all giving in. It takes courage and the strong desire to be healthy to put yourself through major surgery. We have all struggled with yo yo dieting. Losing the weight only to put it back in plus more.

This is not your fault. Some of it has to do with genetics. Plus once we put weight on our bodies reach a set point. It thinks this is the weight we are supposed to be so will literally fight us to get back to original weight.

it is great that you are already in therapy. A good bit of our food issues are in our heads. You will do well to get your head straight before surgery. The surgery is just a tool. There is still a lot of work to be done on our part to not only lose the weight but also to maintain.

hang in there. You got this and we are here to support you.

Thanks. I know most of it is mental. I've told myself so much shitty stuff over the years regarding my weight it's a wonder I'm still here. I definitely want to get my thoughts and some new coping mechanisms in place before taking any steps.

5 hours ago, momof3_angels said:

We all had some of these feelings, to varying extents. Definitely talk to your therapist and work through your emotions. But I have to say, surgery was the best decision I ever made. And it allowed me to finally have success and regain my healthy body and healtjier lifestyle. It is NOT taking the wasy way out. It is taking charge and steering your future towards a better life.

Sent from my SM-G955U using BariatricPal mobile app

That's what has me considering it. The thought of finally having success, a win. The only times I've ever successfully lost more than a few pounds was when I became exercised obsessed in high school and when I was on an antidepressant that caused weight loss but also hallucinations. I just want to feel good in my body for once in this lifetime.

3 hours ago, WInston223322 said:

Nope you are wrong it is Not giving in - It is a tool Just like diet pills, exercise equipment etc. The key to this tool is it never turns off and keeps you in Line. Past sucked! So my view is take the tool and get healthy and happy for the next journey of life.

You can do this. we are all here to help

Thank you. Browsing this forum is definitely helping me see it is a tool. I'm ready to work, but I just need help to get over the biggest hurdle. I have an extra 150lbs on me that from here feels insurmountable.

2 hours ago, catwoman7 said:

well, all I can say is I spent about 30 years gaining and losing weight. It finally got to the point, when I was in my 50s, that it finally dawned on me that it wasn't working, it had never worked, and it probably wasn't going to work in the future, either. So if I wanted to lose weight and keep it off, I was going to have to do something drastic.

Exactly. I'm in my early30s now and have been actively trying to lose weight for 25 years. 25 years out of 33. Maybe a little earlier. I just want... a reset. To have a chance to have a healthy body. Obesity is all I've ever known.

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2 hours ago, MaybeMeow said:

I used to see it the same way you did until I spent some time researching how challenging it is to function after WLS. Weight Watchers and the treadmill is NOTHING compared to this. Now I see it as being the hardest thing I will ever do to try and cure my obesity. I hope I'm strong enough.

I hear you, I know we both are. I'm reading some of the challenges and they're a bit scary. I'm considering bypass and I didn't know I'd be on supplements the rest of my life. And the Hair loss. Lol. But anything that helps will be worth it, I think.

22 minutes ago, NovaLuna said:

WLS is not failure or taking the easy way out, TRUST me! It's difficult no matter what you do, but WLS is a LIFE choice! I struggled with my weight my entire life. I was 130 pounds at 11, 230 at 14, 303 at 17, and at 31 I was up to my highest weight of 389 and that's when I made the decision to do something about it. At my first bariatric appointment I weighed in at 385 and that's why I count from that. I had tried SOOOOO many diets and nothing worked. Turns out I had an issue with my thyroid all along that every time they had tested it they'd missed it because the test weren't thorough enough, but the bariatric surgery clinic required a more thorough test. I had six months of weigh-ins required to be approved for surgery via my insurance and it took an extra two months to schedule me due to them being over scheduled so it was an 8 month process. I went on an elimination diet where each month I cut out something that I wouldn't be able to eat after (soda, rice, Pasta, bread, potatoes, Beans, etc) simply because I wanted to mentally prepare myself because I didn't trust my willpower and I shocked myself by loosing 64 pounds before my surgery on my own. It's been 4 months since I had my surgery and I've lost an additional 65 pounds and I'm really happy about it and don't regret my choice of having surgery because it's helped me get down to 256 pounds, a number I haven't seen since HIGH SCHOOL (I was 15 the last time I saw that number)!

So yes, it's not an easy choice, but if you're making it for the right reasons and have the determination to work for it, you will definitely succeed! I only wish I'd done this ten years ago and most people will tell you the same.

Wow. I hope you don't mind me asking. Since you were able to lose that before surgery, did you reconsider having the surgery? I think if I'm able to get on a good path and lose a bit on my own, I might keep on going on my own. Surgery just seems so drastic to me still. But again I've been doing this for so many years, it prob is time for that step.

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2 minutes ago, Kam1177 said:

Wow. I hope you don't mind me asking. Since you were able to lose that before surgery, did you reconsider having the surgery? I think if I'm able to get on a good path and lose a bit on my own, I might keep on going on my own. Surgery just seems so drastic to me still. But again I've been doing this for so many years, it prob is time for that step.

No, I never re-considered surgery because my mind was set. I knew I needed the help and on my own I'd plateau. My mom used to be in the 380's and she lost her weight the no surgery way... she plateaued in the 230's and no matter what she does she can get under that. She fluctuates from mid-240's to low 230's. She also can't do surgery because she gets violently ill when she takes Vitamins and she allergic to tape so the patch is out too. For me, surgery was an easy choice because I've had a worse and scarier surgery so compared to that this was a walk in the park (I had brain surgery in 2017 for my TN). In the end, this is your life, so the choice is yours. You have to be the one to make that choice whether you do surgery or not. I hope everything works out for you regardless of which route you take!

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8 hours ago, Kam1177 said:

Hi, I'm Kam. I'm new and considering weight loss surgery.

I have some negative thoughts about it, however. I see it as a (please don't take this personally, this is me being honest about what I'm going through) "failure," giving up, giving in, I couldn't do it on my own, easy way out, etc. I know, I knoooow how that sounds. Also, I've been struggling with weight my entire life, childhood trauma, abuse, neglect, shitty life, using food as a coping mechanism, 200lbs by middle school, blah, blah, blah. And so I think I'll prob just regain. Plus my insurance doesn't cover it so I think it'll be a waste of money. Just a lot of... less than wonderful thoughts.

But then there is a part of me that is excited beyond belief. That has never had a slim body and wants exercise and life to be easier. Who is excited to try rock climbing and horseback riding and canoeing and pole dancing and barre and wants to do a half marathon and triathalon and hike and for it to be fun and challenging instead of another shitty, not fun hurdle.

I'm already in therapy, but only recently have allowed myself to consider weight loss surgery, so haven't discussed it with her yet.

I'm not sure exactly what I'm asking. Did any of you experience these feelings? How did you get through it? As I type it feels like I'm asking for permission finally give in, to get help with my weight struggles and not just tough it out and make this work alone. Permission to forgive myself for not being strong enough to fix this on my own. Idk. Compassion and reassurance that it's ok that I tried and failed so many times and it's not bad to do something different. Tears are streaming down my face at this point. This hasn't been the happiest post but something inside me tells me I'm ready to try something new. That losing the weight quickly initially so I gain access to the life I've always wanted, might be the boost I need to make a change because I really want so much more for my life. I'm ready for a change.

Like you one dealt with my weight for years and I had lost and gained weight so many times over the years...

WLS was a God send it has literally saved my life.

It is not the easy way out there is nothing easy about it... Most insurance companies make you jump through numerous hoops to start with but then you have to be totally committed to a new way of life you have to fight everyday to stay on track you cannot give in to temptations.

I feel like you need mental health help before any surgery to deal with mental trauma because you've got to be ready to change your life and open your mind.

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Posted (edited)

3 hours ago, Kam1177 said:

I hear you, I know we both are. I'm reading some of the challenges and they're a bit scary. I'm considering bypass and I didn't know I'd be on supplements the rest of my life. And the Hair loss. Lol. But anything that helps will be worth it, I think.

Wow. I hope you don't mind me asking. Since you were able to lose that before surgery, did you reconsider having the surgery? I think if I'm able to get on a good path and lose a bit on my own, I might keep on going on my own. Surgery just seems so drastic to me still. But again I've been doing this for so many years, it prob is time for that step.

Taking Vitamins each day is not hard at all. If you did have some Hair loss, it would only be temporary.
You need to do this for your health. The health issues that arise due to obesity can be quite serious and even deadly. At the very least it will shorten your lifespan if you choose to stay in the obese range.

https://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/effects/index.html

Do it while you are young. You will not regret it. ;)

Edited by Losingit2018

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Vitamins is easy since I'm no longer taking medication for obesity related issues vitamins are simple.

And I've lost weight before but without surgery it always came back but now with the bypass it has completely changed my metabolism from the inside and I'm a new person and lost more weight than I ever thought possible and that's mostly down to the changes the bypass made to my body..

I've blown through all my goals and under goal weight right now within 7 months...

Bypass was the best choice for me no complications either

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4 hours ago, NovaLuna said:

No, I never re-considered surgery because my mind was set. I knew I needed the help and on my own I'd plateau. My mom used to be in the 380's and she lost her weight the no surgery way... she plateaued in the 230's and no matter what she does she can get under that. She fluctuates from mid-240's to low 230's. She also can't do surgery because she gets violently ill when she takes Vitamins and she allergic to tape so the patch is out too. For me, surgery was an easy choice because I've had a worse and scarier surgery so compared to that this was a walk in the park (I had brain surgery in 2017 for my TN). In the end, this is your life, so the choice is yours. You have to be the one to make that choice whether you do surgery or not. I hope everything works out for you regardless of which route you take!

Thank you! It will work out, it's just a matter of me making a decision and committing to it.

4 hours ago, Superman84 said:

Like you one dealt with my weight for years and I had lost and gained weight so many times over the years...

WLS was a God send it has literally saved my life.

It is not the easy way out there is nothing easy about it... Most insurance companies make you jump through numerous hoops to start with but then you have to be totally committed to a new way of life you have to fight everyday to stay on track you cannot give in to temptations.

I feel like you need mental health help before any surgery to deal with mental trauma because you've got to be ready to change your life and open your mind.

Definitely working on the healing from trauma piece. It's a journey in itself lol.

1 hour ago, Losingit2018 said:

Taking Vitamins each day is not hard at all. If you did have some Hair loss, it would only be temporary.
You need to do this for your health. The health issues that arise due to obesity can be quite serious and even deadly. At the very least it will shorten your lifespan if you choose to stay in the obese range.

https://www.cdc.gov/healthyweight/effects/index.html

Do it while you are young. You will not regret it. ;)

Well thanks for calling me young still lol. I definitely don't want to be struggling with this as I get older. And when you say taking Vitamins it doesn't sound like a big deal at all. I need to be vigilant where I take advice from. Depending on the source they make it sound very negative.

1 hour ago, Superman84 said:

Vitamins is easy since I'm no longer taking medication for obesity related issues vitamins are simple.

And I've lost weight before but without surgery it always came back but now with the bypass it has completely changed my metabolism from the inside and I'm a new person and lost more weight than I ever thought possible and that's mostly down to the changes the bypass made to my body..

I've blown through all my goals and under goal weight right now within 7 months...

Bypass was the best choice for me no complications either

You're absolutely right. I'm 33 already taking a high blood pressure medication. And I take vitamins anyway. So nbd to take a few more.

Anywho, I really do need to just make a decision and commit to it. Since my insurance doesn't cover it, I'll have to self pay. Which will take out a chunk of a down payment I was saving up for a new home. But I think this takes precedence. On the upside, doing self pay means I'd likely be able to get the surgery faster, but some of those preliminary steps insurance requires might actually be helpful for me. Hmm. Idk, but I'll def research surgeons and commit to scheduling a consult by the end of the week.

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