April 29th 2019 Surgiversary

[Darktowerdream 421]

I’m having so many mixed thoughts swirling around my head. I hesitate to post this today. I am grateful for having gastric bypass to have the tool to combat metabolic disorders and inability to exercise due to disability (post exertional malaise) and I was at the point it was all or nothing. All my fight was getting me nowhere fast. I know I’ve come a long way, I’ve also paid a hefty price physically and am still dealing with many health challenges. But I also know my body could not carry the burden of all that weight. And I will do everything in my power to maintain the weight loss.

i reached goal Sometime last month. I overshot it a little. Although based on my height of 5’ I’m within my goal range. I haven’t been actively trying to lose for a few weeks. I raised my calories somewhat but not drastically. I started out at 208lbs with a BMI of 40.6 and today am 102.4 and a BMI of 20.

its Funny though, I write my weight on a calendar daily, and write Daily log of my weight, meals, calories and Protein to Track and plan what I will eat the best I can based on what’s available in the fridge, freezer, pantry. I haven’t given solid thought to my progress, I’ve just taken it one moment at a time. My weight fluctuates slightly and that’s ok. Other things weigh on my mind though.

I hesitate to call it a celebration when even my birthday this month went unmentioned and Covid-19 will be around for the foreseeable future. It’s not impacted my odd daily routines of living with lifelong chronic illness and disability. I’m homebound much of the time as is. It’s risky going to get groceries but a necessity. But It’s had more of an impact on healthcare.

i Had an early one year follow up with my surgeon February 11 and discussed continuing severe pain and spasms in left side under ribs along with other symptoms along with my history of ulcers in the remnant stomach and small intestine, they said I needed a double balloon enteroscopy. But I had to see a different doctor for the test. I couldn’t get an appointment until March 12 to see that doctor, I asked if they could schedule the test since it takes a while but no I had to wait to see the doctor first, who of course ordered the test. Which was then scheduled for April 27. And what happened, of course no one called until the last minute and it was then canceled indefinitely. And I’m left in pain, I sent them a message and they tell me I could go to the ER to be evaluated. First of all how is that a good idea? And evaluated for what? That’s why I saw the doctor and he ordered the test (actually both doctors did) I’m at a loss as to what to do and meanwhile I’m just trying to move ahead.

i don’t even want to discuss this. I’ve other health issues that I’ve been waiting months to deal with. My doctor gives me attitude. Even things are obviously a problem. I saw my general doctor February after waiting a few weeks. I had sudden severe pain just lightly touching the front of my throat. I had a thyroid ultrasound. I also saw an endocrinologist. I was supposed to go to the hospital for further tests. But this was cancelled indefinitely. I’ve also been having nosebleeds and I don’t know why ... but it’s all been put on hold and none of the doctors care to follow up.

I have been making plans about having skin removal surgery. Since it’s the only thing I can manage to do right now. The excess sagging skin is very problematic especially my thighs. A thigh lift, and Having a Belt lipectomy/Butterfly lift to remove excess skin might also help benefit strengthening my core which I can’t do with exercise. I’ve been working on this with Hospital BC that is part of BariatricPal and they are so helpful in the process. I’m trying to think of it as a vacation in Mexico with benefits. I’ll need financing of course. I’m far away from rich. It’s a goal to have a body I haven’t as long as I can remember. I haven’t been this weight as long as I can remember either. I could never reach this goal on my own before even as hard as I tried with strict low carb and calorie counting. I only managed 124lbs and it didn’t stay there long. So taking that last step of getting rid of ugly sagging, rashy problematic skin feels like part of the journey to finish. A crazy thing in times like these. I’ll be pinching pennies as hard as I can. But part of me is determined. And also ... trying to ignore the rest. I had wanted to deal with the other health issues first but looks like that won’t happen so I’m going to try to roll with it and see what happens.

maybe it’s dumb for me to write this. I don’t know anymore. I’m exhausted. But I think that I want others to know that if I can do this with my chronic illness and disability And despite how hard it has been for me ... that others can succeed and reach their weight loss goal.

[lisafrommassachusetts 320]

Congratulations on your weight loss; I am so sorry you are having so many other health related issues. It must be very hard during this pandemic to have to wait to confer with your doctors. Good luck, I hope you get some answers and some relief!