What...What Is This? Lol.

[kc892020 90]

Hi! So this may sound like a stupid question but I just joined this site, forgive me.

Is this section for dating as in like...dating-dating? Or is it more for advice for single WLS patients? Lol, again, sorry if this sounds stupid.

If it's for advice, what have been people's general experiences with WLS and dating? Are people who haven't been through or are unfamiliar with it usually understanding when you explain it them? I'm thinking it's probably hit or miss like with anything else when it comes to dating. But still, a date may wonder why you're not eating this or that, etc.

I'm afraid of looking weird when going out like when I have to ask for smaller portions or having to explain my dietary restrictions. Lol and admittedly, I'm also nervous about sex. While I've dated plenty, I've never actually had sex with anyone (gasps! LOL). I was always too uncomfortable or shy about how I looked as a heavy person. But now, I'm thinking I'm probably going to feel the same as a lighter person because of the expected loose skin. 😕

I've heard some pretty fierce horror stories from the support group I was attending at my WLS Center. From what I've gathered, dating isn't very successful and a lot people who were already married claimed their spouse couldn't be with them anymore because they became "too high maintenance" or jealous of their weight loss. Even our MODERATOR was telling us her husband cheated on her because he got too jealous of her weight loss and couldn't handle all the changes she had to make in her life because of it.

[AJ Tylo 1,398]

I have seen a few issues already with my relationships, Mostly with those who feel awkward now around me cuz i don't go out to eat and when i do - I don't order. Drinking is also a problem. Me and my X are good friends and this is becoming a issue the surgery has made me so aware of food and the amount people eat i have a tendency to voice my opinion when i should not. She is a large girl and if you bring the subject up she gets defensive and says I dont have 20k like you and i like eating out. I then fly off the handle and say then Die young and miss your grand kids and life. Its not a money thing with her i would gladly pay it, Its she is not able to give up food and garbage.

I have read most of this site and found that sex and relationships do have issues, We have changed and I can see that, Lucky for me I only have casual relationships with a few people so Feelings and emotions are kept to a limit. My suggestion is still the same - Other fat people are going to get jeolous or defensive, sexual partners should be happier, Friends should support you, Family is just a pain in the ass by nature and if not ........

I don't care what you think i did this for myself not you! Fu@K food! I am way happier and way healthier then i was before.

[Maidenhail 16]

Hi

i would just concentrate on getting well after your surgery and eat what you need to - sooner or later you will meet someone fabulous who will accept and love you as you are- strange dietary habits and all!!

xx

[Recidivist 1,141]

Happily married here, but a couple of observations:

You will able to eat more food and a greater variety as time goes by. I agree with Maidenhall that you should just concentrate on your health and recovery for now. There are quite a few emotional ups and downs during weight loss, and you probably don't want to throw the stress of dating into the mix.

My biggest issue with socializing after surgery is friends who don't know I had surgery trying to force food on me. I tell them I'm on a medically supervised diet, but they insist that "one piece of pizza / cookie / glass of wine won't hurt." I have to be quite insistent at times.

Finally, you don't need to explain anything on a first date (or second, or third). If it looks like the relationship might have potential, you could bring it up and some point, but wait and see whether you even want to see the person again.

[New&Improved 1,780]

On 11/2/2019 at 9:02 AM, Recidivist said:

Happily married here, but a couple of observations:

You will able to eat more food and a greater variety as time goes by. I agree with Maidenhall that you should just concentrate on your health and recovery for now. There are quite a few emotional ups and downs during weight loss, and you probably don't want to throw the stress of dating into the mix.

My biggest issue with socializing after surgery is friends who don't know I had surgery trying to force food on me. I tell them I'm on a medically supervised diet, but they insist that "one piece of pizza / cookie / glass of wine won't hurt." I have to be quite insistent at times.

Finally, you don't need to explain anything on a first date (or second, or third). If it looks like the relationship might have potential, you could bring it up and some point, but wait and see whether you even want to see the person again.

That's how it starts "I'll have just one...."

[kc892020 90]

Thank you @Mikeyy, @Recidivist, @Maidenhail and @AJ Tylo for taking the time to respond. I know my health is top priority right now, but it's difficult to not start thinking down the road. We all know how much this changes a person's life. I sometimes get discouraged because I'm already starting to notice changes in my friends, who seem kind of weirded out by the whole thing. It's frustrating, but the important thing is to stay optimistic, right? :)

[mousecat88 2,279]

Random comment about eating out on dates:
Since I am loud and proud about my WLS, a date not knowing isn't an issue BUT there's plenty of things you will be able to eat and it won't seem strange! Some days I can eat a full 6oz steak and a side. Or a good portion of a salad. You won't need highly obvious micro portions forever. I think it's all workable as far as eating out. You can order off the "healthy" side of the menus and it's usually lighter fare with smaller portions anyway.