Mother’s bizarre behavior after my surgery

[mrs_brontosaurus 12]

I don’t have anywhere/anyone else to vent about this weird behavior to so I’m putting it here so anyone else with weird/unsupportive people in their lives can commiserate.

I had surgery in May, after beginning the process in December. Things are going great, I’m losing weight slowly but surely, feeling great, and beginning to love my new appearance. You all know how it goes. Anyway, my mother was unsupportive surgery, didn’t think I should do it, tried to make me second guess myself, told me how she would NEVER do something so drastic, that she and I just needed to get on a diet together and lose our weight the “right way.” I got surgery anyway, and now I’m nearly 60 pounds down and over half way to my goal weight. I weigh less than my mom and now she is telling me that she has only been eating 800 calories a day and she’s going to lose weight without surgery and every time we are together and she is eating, she makes a point to eat a few bites and tell everyone how full she is, how she simply cannot eat that much food!

It’s bizarre and annoying. I hope she does diet and lose weight, and if she wants to eat 800 calories, that’s up to her, but it’s just obnoxious and silly the way she is carrying on when we are together.

Can anyone relate? Has anyone been weird about their own diets/weight with you since surgery?

[ValerieInMexico 162]

Sounds like your Mom is competitive. My Mom encouraged and cheered me on, any time I worked at losing weight. Do you favor your Mom in looks?

[mrs_brontosaurus 12]

On 10/11/2019 at 18:01, ValerieInMexico said:

Sounds like your Mom is competitive. My Mom encouraged and cheered me on, any time I worked at losing weight. Do you favor your Mom in looks?

Not really, no. She is honestly has a lot of other issues too, and I do all I can to stick to small talk with her like the weather and gardening etc. she’s a handful lol.

I’m glad you’ve got a supportive mom.

[Moa 34]

My former "friend" used to be the thin one and I was the fat one...but she has gained alot of weight and, of course, I've lost (nearly 100#).

She got so jealous that she began tracking her weight daily and logging her food...but she still ate tons of food and never exercised. She actually gained 10# in 6 months but kept telling everyone about how much she's doing to lose whenever they would compliment me.

Maybe your mom is jealous and feels hopeless that she'll ever lose like you are. Just keep following your weight loss plan...maybe encourage her to exercise with you. My family has been totally behind me, which I'm so blessed.

[ValerieInMexico 162]

7 minutes ago, mrs_brontosaurus said:

Not really, no. She is honestly has a lot of other issues too, and I do all I can to stick to small talk with her like the weather and gardening etc. she’s a handful lol.

I’m glad you’ve got a supportive mom.

My Mom passed away, at 69, two years after being diagnosed with a rare degenerative brain disease. She was able to see me lose 100 pounds after RNY. She could really no longer communicate, but she said "beautiful" when she saw me after a time apart, and a noticable weight loss. So, as odd as your Momma is, she is probably happy to see her baby happy. She is lucky to have a patient daughter!

[Dee2938 71]

Oddly enough, I think we all have friends and family members who are not supportive of our choice to have surgery. But they don’t have to live in our bodies. We do! So it’s important to keep that in mind.

I think your mom just wants to “prove” to you that you could have lost it the old fashioned way. However she may be feeling jealousy or insecurity about your success.

I would just talk to her. It’s petty, and it’s not helping anyone. Wish her luck on her weight loss journey, but tell her you are not interested in her methods, you are focusing on your journey. Let her know that what’s done is done. You cant go back so this display is not helping and let her know it makes you uncomfortable, upset, etc, and that you need her to support your decision.

I have a friend who was hell bent on not letting her best friend have the surgery. She did everything in her power to convince her friend that she could loose the weight on her own. Her friend was overweight her entire life why she thought that would suddenly change is beyond me.

Even after, when she started loosing the weight, she insisted that she could have done it on her own. I got into a bit of an argument trying to convince her that no she couldn’t have. If she could have, she would have. But she was not able to, no matter how many times she tried.

After seeing their struggle I chose to tell very few people about my decision to have the surgery. I knew I did not want to go through that with anyone. Of course, I told my mom she stayed with me in the hospital etc, and was super supportive. That’s one reason I feel for you. It would have been awful for me if she wasn’t on board.

There are many people who’s insecurities come out when they see others succeed. It’s very unfortunate that it’s your mom, but it happens. There are friends and coworkers (and family members) that don’t want you to change. It happens with or without the surgery. If you are down it makes them feel up. We all have to just push through and let go of the negative people in our lives.

Give her time after you talk to her. She may get better. But don’t be surprised if she gets more passive-aggressive as you continue to loose. Especially if she stops loosing or regains weight.

Hopefully that won’t happen and you’ll be back to normal before long.

Good luck.

[JRT Mom 920]

I'm sorry your mother is not being supportive. And yes, she might be able to lose quite a bit of weight, but will she be able to keep it off? It's hard to keep to 800 calories a day without surgical help.

I know your mother's reaction must hurt but just remember you are in this journey for yourself and it's not a competition. But you DO have support here, so let us know how your doing for lots of "attagirls"!

[New&Improved 1,780]

Some people need to be the Centre of attention

[LastChance57 35]

Your mother has a problem - and it is not you. If she were an emotionally stable person, she wouldn’t dare treat you like that at all. She would be so proud of you, your choices, and accomplishments. Just surround yourself with positive people who do support you and keep up the great work! Continue the great work that you have done for yourself. She may never change or apologize for her lack of maternal support and classlessness. It’s a shame that your wonderful progress brings out the ugliness in her. Again, not your fault. She is an example of how not to be when your child is doing well. Keep up the great work!!

[AJ Tylo 1,399]

My view - This was my decision to live longer and healthier, I could give a hoot what others think or feel. I have heard it all also.

- You cheated from my 19yr old who did loose 77 pounds on his own

- Not all of us can afford it? Well work a second job not my fault

- Your attitude has changed, No not really my appearance has changed and you are judging me by how i look

- You cant go out to eat or drinks. Yes i can just wont graze on 50 wings, 2 dozen oysters, and 12 drinks, sorry all good with 3 shrimp and a few drinks

Bottom line who the f**k really cares what anyone says, It is your body your decision and your money.

[looly 361]

20 hours ago, mrs_brontosaurus said:

Anyway, my mother was unsupportive surgery, didn’t think I should do it, tried to make me second guess myself, told me how she would NEVER do something so drastic, that she and I just needed to get on a diet together and lose our weight the “right way.” I got surgery anyway, and now I’m nearly 60 pounds down and over half way to my goal weight. I weigh less than my mom and now she is telling me that she has only been eating 800 calories a day and she’s going to lose weight without surgery and every time we are together and she is eating, she makes a point to eat a few bites and tell everyone how full she is, how she simply cannot eat that much food!

Oh no - you naughty, naughty girl! You didn't immediately admit that you were wrong, give up all your independent ideas and do as you were told. No wonder you must be punished and shown the error of your ways! (-whilst simultaneously having everyone's positive attention taken off you and onto her). 😀

Sounds like mum's feeling a bit insecure and isn't looking forward to you changing!

[always 59]

I'm sorry...Moms are suppose to be your rock and this must really be hurtful for you. So realize it's her not you and be proud of how great your doing...As a mom I cant imagine being this jealous of one of my kids.

Edited October 20, 2019 by always

[Wendyfm 494]

My mom is between an eight and a ten. After I lost my weight she would be sure to remind me how thin she is. Even after losing 100 pounds I am still a size 16. I am perfectly happy at this size, so basically I ignore this.

[JRT Mom 920]

Why do mothers eat their young? They should be supportive, not disparaging. Mine died before I got my WLS but I'm pretty sure if she was alive she'd be giving me a hard time. After all, when I was eleven and only slightly plump she dragged me to a diet doctor who put me on amphetamines to lose weight. At ELEVEN. (Do I sound a bit bitter?)