How are people becoming comfortable in there own skin with all the judgement of others

[BlueAngelEyes 164]

Hi everyone! First off my spelling sucks so sorry for all you reading this. Im venting (you all are my therapist right now) maybe even looking for other peoples opinions on how to deal with family.

With this weight loss process there has been alot of ups and downs. Not only with the stalls with the weight loss but emotionally, mentally, physically its hard. I have found that getting the sleeve done and losing the first 50pounds ive started speaking my mind becoming more confident in my own skin with getting thinner but alSo getting angry with family and friends. My family is so judgmental! I dont believe what they think is best in life. I find ive lived in the shadow of my mother's religion for too long scared to do what i want in fear of my family not liking my choices thinking things i want are childish or stupid. I dont want to break our family communication but it seems its going that way.

For instance i love tattoos i do, always have and have wanted a few for several years on my back. If i get what i want my sister would tell her kids im a bad example and she would look down on me because she believes its a sin. How do i separate what i want and what my family thinks. My family will blame my weight loss for getting the tattoos i know it. Bothers me!

I mentioned how when i lose 30 more pounds hopefully by Christmas this year i want to cut my long hair to my shoulders and do something drastic maybe bleach it blonde. My sister flipped and said why would you do that to your beautiful hair when so many cant even grow it that long. She makes me feel bad and has me second guessing everything. Another topic ive mentioned id like to have a baby in the next year or 2 and she says you almost divorced your husband last year why would you even consider having another baby with him. First off my husband and i are doing a thousand times better now and what we went threw has brought us closer together. Then She said our family has issues so why would i bring another baby with our genes into this world.. its funny she says this when she has alot of kids with the same genes as i do. She also said why would i want to get fat with a baby when i did this surgery to get skinny seems stupid.

I find myself wanting to pull away maybe even move out of state to feel like our family can start over with out all there drama.

My sister also says soo are you likeing that ur getting thinner faster with your surgery and not having to work for it. It made me really annoyed and wanting to cuss her out. This is a hard process i actually feel like i could of lost more doing weight watchers and the gym than i do now. So many foods upset my stomach. Healthy food is hard to eat. My stomach hates all raw veggies and home made meat i find it hard getting in Protein unless its store bought and cooked then it seems to go down fine. Its frusterating! I tend to go to crackers because there soothing to my tummy. Im upset as u can tell i may sound nuts. Lol. Im sick of having to buy acid reducers now. I have to take one everynight to be able to get to bed it burns soo much with out it.

Im 32 and feel as if my family has a say on what i do in life. I hate it. I hate there dumb comments. I dont know if i should sit down and talk to my family or just pull away and maybe later in life we will get closer together.

My mom doesnt see how rude she is ether. She comes in my house and tells me how much im finally becoming a cleaner person with less clutter and how worried shed been with my clutter in the past few years.

My moms worries now with the weight loss ill become a ****. Haha i laugh saying it out loud. When i was obese i wore sweatpants and tank tops with rips in them cause i was soo depressed with myself i didnt care how i looked because it didnt matter i was still fat nothing i did i was still ugly. All she can talk about is negative with me. Im Sick of it.

Now every bite i take there watching me and judging what im eatting and how much. They all practicality took a pole saying i was going to eventually gain all my weight back because thats how i am.

I feel as if im the black sleep in my family and everything i do isnt good enough. I am looked down on. My husband says ignore them and dont talk to them but i feel like they are the only people i have to talk too. Maybe its normal to have so much judgement with family members.

I never noticed before this surgery how much i didnt notice all the criticism and judement friends and family have and how it effects me. I guess i could go on for hours with everything thats upseting me so i guess ill stop now.

Sorry for the long vent. Feeling alittle better just by writing it down..... maybe i should start writing in a diary:)

[Flo-grown 195]

Hi everyone! First off my spelling sucks so sorry for all you reading this. Im venting (you all are my therapist right now) maybe even looking for other peoples opinions on how to deal with family.
With this weight loss process there has been alot of ups and downs. Not only with the stalls with the weight loss but emotionally, mentally, physically its hard. I have found that getting the sleeve done and losing the first 50pounds ive started speaking my mind becoming more confident in my own skin with getting thinner but alSo getting angry with family and friends. My family is so judgmental! I dont believe what they think is best in life. I find ive lived in the shadow of my mother's religion for too long scared to do what i want in fear of my family not liking my choices thinking things i want are childish or stupid. I dont want to break our family communication but it seems its going that way.
For instance i love tattoos i do, always have and have wanted a few for several years on my back. If i get what i want my sister would tell her kids im a bad example and she would look down on me because she believes its a sin. How do i separate what i want and what my family thinks. My family will blame my weight loss for getting the tattoos i know it. Bothers me!
I mentioned how when i lose 30 more pounds hopefully by Christmas this year i want to cut my long hair to my shoulders and do something drastic maybe bleach it blonde. My sister flipped and said why would you do that to your beautiful hair when so many cant even grow it that long. She makes me feel bad and has me second guessing everything. Another topic ive mentioned id like to have a baby in the next year or 2 and she says you almost divorced your husband last year why would you even consider having another baby with him. First off my husband and i are doing a thousand times better now and what we went threw has brought us closer together. Then She said our family has issues so why would i bring another baby with our genes into this world.. its funny she says this when she has alot of kids with the same genes as i do. She also said why would i want to get fat with a baby when i did this surgery to get skinny seems stupid.
I find myself wanting to pull away maybe even move out of state to feel like our family can start over with out all there drama.
My sister also says soo are you likeing that ur getting thinner faster with your surgery and not having to work for it. It made me really annoyed and wanting to cuss her out. This is a hard process i actually feel like i could of lost more doing weight watchers and the gym than i do now. So many foods upset my stomach. Healthy food is hard to eat. My stomach hates all raw veggies and home made meat i find it hard getting in Protein unless its store bought and cooked then it seems to go down fine. Its frusterating! I tend to go to crackers because there soothing to my tummy. Im upset as u can tell i may sound nuts. Lol. Im sick of having to buy acid reducers now. I have to take one everynight to be able to get to bed it burns soo much with out it.
Im 32 and feel as if my family has a say on what i do in life. I hate it. I hate there dumb comments. I dont know if i should sit down and talk to my family or just pull away and maybe later in life we will get closer together.
My mom doesnt see how rude she is ether. She comes in my house and tells me how much im finally becoming a cleaner person with less clutter and how worried shed been with my clutter in the past few years.
My moms worries now with the weight loss ill become a ****. Haha i laugh saying it out loud. When i was obese i wore sweatpants and tank tops with rips in them cause i was soo depressed with myself i didnt care how i looked because it didnt matter i was still fat nothing i did i was still ugly. All she can talk about is negative with me. Im Sick of it.
Now every bite i take there watching me and judging what im eatting and how much. They all practicality took a pole saying i was going to eventually gain all my weight back because thats how i am.
I feel as if im the black sleep in my family and everything i do isnt good enough. I am looked down on. My husband says ignore them and dont talk to them but i feel like they are the only people i have to talk too. Maybe its normal to have so much judgement with family members.
I never noticed before this surgery how much i didnt notice all the criticism and judement friends and family have and how it effects me. I guess i could go on for hours with everything thats upseting me so i guess ill stop now.
Sorry for the long vent. Feeling alittle better just by writing it down..... maybe i should start writing in a diary:)

Hi,

I suggest opening up to your family and tell them how they are making you feel. It's your life and you are the one who has to live it. You are old enough to make your own decisions. If they cannot be happy for you and only bring negativity into your life you then you should pull away and do what's best for YOU and your family. I'm sorry you are going through this. I truly hope they realize how negative they are being.at the end of the day, your life is your business.

5'4"
Starting weight 297
VSG on 7/31/19
Surgery wt: 266
CW 233
GW 135

Sent from my [samsung Galaxy] using BariatricPal mobile app

[Healthy_life2 8,330]

57 minutes ago, BlueAngelEyes said:

Hi everyone! First off my spelling sucks so sorry for all you reading this. Im venting (you all are my therapist right now) maybe even looking for other peoples opinions on how to deal with family.

With this weight loss process there has been alot of ups and downs. Not only with the stalls with the weight loss but emotionally, mentally, physically its hard. I have found that getting the sleeve done and losing the first 50pounds ive started speaking my mind becoming more confident in my own skin with getting thinner but alSo getting angry with family and friends. My family is so judgmental! I dont believe what they think is best in life. I find ive lived in the shadow of my mother's religion for too long scared to do what i want in fear of my family not liking my choices thinking things i want are childish or stupid. I dont want to break our family communication but it seems its going that way.

For instance i love tattoos i do, always have and have wanted a few for several years on my back. If i get what i want my sister would tell her kids im a bad example and she would look down on me because she believes its a sin. How do i separate what i want and what my family thinks. My family will blame my weight loss for getting the tattoos i know it. Bothers me!

I mentioned how when i lose 30 more pounds hopefully by Christmas this year i want to cut my long hair to my shoulders and do something drastic maybe bleach it blonde. My sister flipped and said why would you do that to your beautiful hair when so many cant even grow it that long. She makes me feel bad and has me second guessing everything. Another topic ive mentioned id like to have a baby in the next year or 2 and she says you almost divorced your husband last year why would you even consider having another baby with him. First off my husband and i are doing a thousand times better now and what we went threw has brought us closer together. Then She said our family has issues so why would i bring another baby with our genes into this world.. its funny she says this when she has alot of kids with the same genes as i do. She also said why would i want to get fat with a baby when i did this surgery to get skinny seems stupid.

I find myself wanting to pull away maybe even move out of state to feel like our family can start over with out all there drama.

My sister also says soo are you likeing that ur getting thinner faster with your surgery and not having to work for it. It made me really annoyed and wanting to cuss her out. This is a hard process i actually feel like i could of lost more doing weight watchers and the gym than i do now. So many foods upset my stomach. Healthy food is hard to eat. My stomach hates all raw veggies and home made meat i find it hard getting in Protein unless its store bought and cooked then it seems to go down fine. Its frusterating! I tend to go to crackers because there soothing to my tummy. Im upset as u can tell i may sound nuts. Lol. Im sick of having to buy acid reducers now. I have to take one everynight to be able to get to bed it burns soo much with out it.

Im 32 and feel as if my family has a say on what i do in life. I hate it. I hate there dumb comments. I dont know if i should sit down and talk to my family or just pull away and maybe later in life we will get closer together.

My mom doesnt see how rude she is ether. She comes in my house and tells me how much im finally becoming a cleaner person with less clutter and how worried shed been with my clutter in the past few years.

My moms worries now with the weight loss ill become a ****. Haha i laugh saying it out loud. When i was obese i wore sweatpants and tank tops with rips in them cause i was soo depressed with myself i didnt care how i looked because it didnt matter i was still fat nothing i did i was still ugly. All she can talk about is negative with me. Im Sick of it.

Now every bite i take there watching me and judging what im eatting and how much. They all practicality took a pole saying i was going to eventually gain all my weight back because thats how i am.

I feel as if im the black sleep in my family and everything i do isnt good enough. I am looked down on. My husband says ignore them and dont talk to them but i feel like they are the only people i have to talk too. Maybe its normal to have so much judgement with family members.

I never noticed before this surgery how much i didnt notice all the criticism and judement friends and family have and how it effects me. I guess i could go on for hours with everything thats upseting me so i guess ill stop now.

Sorry for the long vent. Feeling alittle better just by writing it down..... maybe i should start writing in a diary:)

Vent away,

Funny how WLS can open your eyes to your role in relationships. Some relationship may change. You get to decide how much time you spend on negative people. Love that you are gaining confidence and discovering new things you want in life. Keep supportive people around you.

[always 59]

This is not an easy journey you still have to do the right foods, exercise , and make proper choices. You should join a support group to keep you positive. Family is family if they have been doing this for years it's gonna take time for them to change. You just don't have to tolerate it. Your stronger and realizing their words are hurtful. Just say to them when they start being negative you are going to leave or hang up. You are changing your life to be better not to keep getting knocked down. After the 100th time maybe they will realize they are not being nice. Sorry for all the stress......

[always 59]

This is not an easy journey you still have to do the right foods, exercise , and make proper choices. You should join a support group to keep you positive. Family is family if they have been doing this for years it's gonna take time for them to change. You just don't have to tolerate it. Your stronger and realizing their words are hurtful. Just say to them when they start being negative you are going to leave or hang up. You are changing your life to be better not to keep getting knocked down. After the 100th time maybe they will realize they are not being nice. Sorry for all the stress......

[MeowAMR 219]

I would honestly talk to them and tell them how you feel so that way they know how their judgment hurts you. If they are so religious then they should stop being so self righteous and judgmental and calling your sins out while they are sinning. We will never be perfect so they shouldn't expect you to be. After you talk with them you shouldn't pull away from them, but limit what you tell them.

I'm like that with my sister. I love her she's my sister and we have a great relationship, but we had a falling out once and she used everything I told her as ammo on me. Right then and there I knew I couldn't trust her. So I never tell her my problems anymore or anything I couldn't tell a normal friend. I do have a bestfriend that I can vent to or my hubby. So those are the only people I talk to about my problems. I always find its better when you keep your family out of your problems and relationships. They never forget or forgive like you would so it just creates more problems. Its sad when you can't talk to your family, but sometimes its for the best if you don't want drama in your life. Hugs!

Sent from my SM-G965U using BariatricPal mobile app

[BlueAngelEyes 164]

Thank you everyone for your comments. You all are so very nice! Thanks for reading my rant. I think i may talk to my mom about it all. She cant keep a secret so she will tell my sisters and i hope all the negative comments stop. That or im going to have to start speaking my mind to them and see how it goes. (I hate confrontation so hopefully not) Appreciate you all!

[AZhiker 2,253]

I agree that some honest confrontation may be necessary for them to see how they are hurting you and the relationship. You need to take care of YOU now! You are worth it, you are precious and you are valuable in God's sight, even if you don't measure up to the family. I would encourage you to seek out some other social contacts that are healthy and supportive. Find some new friends, join a support group, join a Bible study or small group at another church. Start setting limits on how much damage you allow your family to inflict - that probably means limiting time around them. That will be hard with holidays coming, but let them know if they start in on you, you will leave. I have friends with dysfunctional families who actually moved across town to minimize contact. They are also considering a move to another part of the state, because they want to be their own family without the others butting into every situation. That is something to consider. Glad you and hubby are working things out and I sure hope your new confidence will carry the day!!!!!

[ANewStart4Me 20]

I am gonna go against the grain here. I would suggest opening up to them less. From what you write here they don’t sound very open to actually listening to your opinion unless it aligns with theirs. Will telling them how you feel actually change anything?

Being the black sheep of the family myself I understand how hard of a role it can be. The way I have learnt to deal with it is, I make general small talk and keep things pleasant, anything that is important to me eg tattoos, haircuts, extra children, things that effect my life and the lives of my nuclear family(husband and children) I only discuss with my husband. If I don’t want to feel my outside families judgement in my decisions, I don’t involve them in my business. You can’t change how other people think or how they will react. My husband and I are so much happier now. I am so less stressed. Sometimes it is hard and I fall back into old habits. Being the black sheep, you always seek your families approval so sometimes you give them more information then you mean too when things are going good, then it bites you in the ass.

I honestly have a much better relationship with my outside family. What they say and do doesn’t seem to hurt me as much when they don’t approve of me anymore. And not letting them into my nuclear family relationships has made my nuclear family so much stronger. My husband and I are a solid team now and united on all fronts.

[S@ssen@ch 745]

I'm going to have to agree with ANewStart4Me on this. While your family seems much more extreme than mine, that is one of the primary reasons I didn't tell my family about my surgery. To this day, none of them know. When I realized that my outlook on life and their approach were different, I started keeping them at arm's length.

The only person you can change is you, so you need to adapt to them in the best way that works for YOU.

I also recommend that you consider formal counseling. We're here to vent and give our "Dear Abby" versions of advice, but formal counseling might help you to work through this and develop some good coping mechanisms.