My mom was sleeved 2 years ago in September. I was sleeved this year May 21. My mom has always been an incredible cook and baker. We come from a long line of Sicilian women who love to cook and eat. This surgery has for sure changed her life and how she cooks and bakes and I've only just started figuring all of this stuff out. Tell me why, though, she will not only bring the not-so-bariatric-friendly food she makes to my house but on top of that bake me a whole loaf of banana bread? ??? She knows it's my favorite so that's nice of her but a whole loaf? I have a 13 year old who is obese and I've changed her diet as well. My mom knows all of these things. She said, "You can have a little piece and it won't hurt you. After that use self-control." Sigh... I ate a little piece of it. IT MADE ME VOMIT so I suppose self-control won't be an issue. I never want to see banana bread again. I've been sick all day. It's not the first time she has done this kind of thing. I just don't know why she does it. I don't understand why she doesn't remember the beginning of her journey. Why would she even want to tempt me or my daughter? I have even talked to her about it. Okay, I'm sorry. Rant over. I just really needed to vent to some people who may understand my frustration. I am, too, disappointed in myself.

Yeah sounds like she's trying to set you up for failure maybe talk to her so she knows what's wrong and good on you for helping you're daughter while you can

Yeah sounds like she's trying to set you up for failure maybe talk to her so she knows what's wrong and good on you for helping you're daughter while you can

Thank you. I definitely have to talk to her again. This is hard enough without something like that.

UGH!! I would hate that!! I guess if she doesn't stop, just pass it on to a friend, neighbor, or take it to work. She may even stop doing it if she knows you're just giving it away to someone else. Or another idea - if she refuses to stop, tell her you're tossing it into the trash from now on??

UGH!! I would hate that!! I guess if she doesn't stop, just pass it on to a friend, neighbor, or take it to work. She may even stop doing it if she knows you're just giving it away to someone else. Or another idea - if she refuses to stop, tell her you're tossing it into the trash from now on??

I dooooo hate it. I bet she would hate me throwing out her food as much as I hate her bringing it. I hadn't thought about bringing it to work. I've only just started working a few weeks ago for the first time in a year so it just didn't dawn on me but I could do that. Thank you!!

Were you honest with her when you talked to her the first time? Mom, at this point my daughter and I can’t have that type of food in the house. Some suggestions of things you can bring are ______.

Were you honest with her when you talked to her the first time? Mom, at this point my daughter and I can’t have that type of food in the house. Some suggestions of things you can bring are ______.

I have been honest with her a couple of times now... It's funny you say that because just a month ago she told me about these bariatric friendly recipes for banana bread and brownies so when she handed me the loaf I got excited and asked if that's what it was and she said nope just regular banana bread. I will try to make suggestions to her as well. Anything will help. I love her endlessly but she does stuff like this sometimes. It wouldn't be AS bad if she didn't know exactly what I was going through and exactly what I need to do. Thank you.

Maybe negligence not sabotage... Only you would really know

BUT

I would suggest telling her EXACTLY what you do and don't want. Clarify everything so no one is in the dark about the new family diet moving forward. Adamantly saying no to non-Bari friendly foods people offer isn't rude its self preservation.

Good Luck ?

Edited July 24, 20197 yr by GreenTealael

I could understand if she hadn’t had surgery but when she has been through it herself it seems very odd

Maybe negligence not sabotage... Only you would really know
BUT
I would suggest telling her EXACTLY what you do and don't want. Clarify everything so no one is in the dark about the new family diet moving forward. Adamantly saying no to non-Bari friendly foods people offer isn't rude its self preservation.
Good Luck [emoji171]

I hope it's negligence. I am going to have one more talk with her. You're right... Saying no isn't rude. Thank you for reminding me of that. [emoji171]

I could understand if she hadn’t had surgery but when she has been through it herself it seems very odd

That's the one part of it all that makes me so confused and upset. And just under 2 years... That's pretty new. She's not dumb. Ugh I just have to sit her down again and keep it as real as I can and try to get her to understand. I'll definitely keep you all posted on the outcome.

Is she still thin? Maybe she's reverting to old eating habits and subconsciously wants to make you into her?

Throw it out or give it away. Have the talk.

((hugs))

That's different considering she's been there, done that. Give it to a neighbor and don't eat it. Have the "You need to be supportive" talk with her again.

Is she jealous that the attention might be shifting to you, now that her weight loss is “old news”?

She may not think flour, eggs, bananas, etc. are things you and the rest of your family cannot have anymore. Especially if she tolerates them well or has tweeked the recipe to make it acceptable for everyone. It may have just been an oversight.

I can make pies etc (that seem off limits but they aren't) and simply adjust the ingredients slightly to go regular or super bariatric style. Sometimes the ingredients are so natural amf whole food styled i see no reason to make it Bari specific style. But at almost 2 years out as well i can tolerate those items and work them into my life.

Please consider trying confront the issue plainly instead of speculating because your relationship may be affected. Your Mother could be a fantastic resources for you (or cautionary tale)

p.s. IF you find out it is sabotage...

*accidentally* drop the food in the trash ?

Good Luck ?

Edited July 24, 20197 yr by GreenTealael

I don't see this as intentional sabotage.

I have someone in my life who has difficulty showing affection and they use food to show me they care. Is it possible that this is what your mother is doing? You said she's a fantastic cook and baker.

Maybe you need to have a heart-to-heart with your mom. Reassure her that you know she loves you, but that right now you need her support in other ways.