Slipping back to old habits - scared

[amandalp1021 25]

Hello everyone! I’ll try to get straight to the point, and give my backstory after...

I’m 2 years post-op, lost over 210 pounds, but I’m slipping back into old habits, and have already gained 15 pounds. I’m petrified of becoming what I once was. Here are the details of my journey:

I had gastric sleeve surgery September 28, 2016. I started at 348 pounds and the lowest number I’ve seen on the scale was 135. My goal weight was under 145 but I kept pushing it . I couldn’t stay at 135 very long (about a week), I would fluctuate back up to 140 and attempt to get back down to 135. My friends and family told me I looked gaunt at that weight (and they were right) so I eased my anxieties and decided that between 140 and 145 pounds was right for me. But ever since I reached that initial goal of less than 145 and hit the “maintenance” stage I feel like I’ve been spiraling. For a good year and a half I consistently exercised 5 days a week, now it’s been two weeks since I’ve worked out. I binge, and can consume 5,000 calories easily in a day (eating around the sleeve of course). Every time I try to get back on track I fall off the horse. I will admit that I think I was able to lose so much weight because I was obsessive. I have diagnosed OCD and I’m medicated for it. I don’t know if that’s related. Right now I’m 151. I took a “week off” from my exercise and proper diet for my birthday and went from 145.6 to 152. I tried to reset this week but yesterday and the day before I went on a spree again and ate 4,000 calories each day. I don’t know how to reel myself in and just be normal. My whole life I’ve either been dieting or gaining. I don’t know how to maintain. I’m so scared to revert to my old self

[Orchids&Dragons 9,047]

It really sounds like you need counseling. I don't know what else to tell you other than I hope you get yourself under control. 5000 calories a day will add up fast (hug)

[FluffyChix 17,410]

Second the need to call your doc/team and get going with therapy.

Congrats on your initial losses and on catching this at 15lbs regain!!!! You CAN turn this around. You have the power.

What's changed to throw you off track like this? I mean so completely off track.

[summerset 5,261]

1 hour ago, amandalp1021 said:

But ever since I reached that initial goal of less than 145 and hit the “maintenance” stage I feel like I’ve been spiraling.

Did it start with reaching that goal or did something else in your life happen that started the disaster?

[Yessican 42]

1 hour ago, amandalp1021 said:

Hello everyone! I’ll try to get straight to the point, and give my backstory after...

I’m 2 years post-op, lost over 210 pounds, but I’m slipping back into old habits, and have already gained 15 pounds. I’m petrified of becoming what I once was. Here are the details of my journey:

I had gastric sleeve surgery September 28, 2016. I started at 348 pounds and the lowest number I’ve seen on the scale was 135. My goal weight was under 145 but I kept pushing it . I couldn’t stay at 135 very long (about a week), I would fluctuate back up to 140 and attempt to get back down to 135. My friends and family told me I looked gaunt at that weight (and they were right) so I eased my anxieties and decided that between 140 and 145 pounds was right for me. But ever since I reached that initial goal of less than 145 and hit the “maintenance” stage I feel like I’ve been spiraling. For a good year and a half I consistently exercised 5 days a week, now it’s been two weeks since I’ve worked out. I binge, and can consume 5,000 calories easily in a day (eating around the sleeve of course). Every time I try to get back on track I fall off the horse. I will admit that I think I was able to lose so much weight because I was obsessive. I have diagnosed OCD and I’m medicated for it. I don’t know if that’s related. Right now I’m 151. I took a “week off” from my exercise and proper diet for my birthday and went from 145.6 to 152. I tried to reset this week but yesterday and the day before I went on a spree again and ate 4,000 calories each day. I don’t know how to reel myself in and just be normal. My whole life I’ve either been dieting or gaining. I don’t know how to maintain. I’m so scared to revert to my old self

Don’t stress about about it I think it will make it worse. It’s okay you had your birthday week off just get passs that. Plan ahead what you will eat for a week and start off slow working out. Make it fun look for new recipes or go to a dance class! It will be okay. Things happen you just have to get focused again on your goals. Best of luck! You got this!

[amandalp1021 25]

1 hour ago, Orchids&Dragons said:

It really sounds like you need counseling. I don't know what else to tell you other than I hope you get yourself under control. 5000 calories a day will add up fast (hug)

I'm going to reach out to the psychologist that I used to speak to a few years ago. I tried to avoid it, but I think I really need it. Thank you!

[elcee 3,340]

It is good that you have recognised this early as that means that you can nip it in the bud.

Give yourself a talking to. Make a list of what you can do and wear now that you couldn’t before. Look at your diet and do some planning. Make sure the foods that you are allowing yourself are tasty and interesting. Look up some new recipes. Plan to have a reward meal ( not huge but something you really want to eat) if you have kept to your other targets

[amandalp1021 25]

1 hour ago, FluffyChix said:

Second the need to call your doc/team and get going with therapy.

Congrats on your initial losses and on catching this at 15lbs regain!!!! You CAN turn this around. You have the power.

What's changed to throw you off track like this? I mean so completely off track.

Definitely going to reach out to a therapist. Thank you so much for the encouragement!

I think I may know at least some of the reasons why I'm so off track. I was always a very big girl since I was a kid. And I just kept gaining weight until about 15 years old when it caused a big health problem. Since then (I'm 30 years old now) I've known nothing but dieting and/or gaining. And that was/is my life. A constant yo-yo diet. And I don't know if it's my OCD, but I go to extremes. I'm super obsessed with calorie counting and tracking and "perfect" eating and constant exercise or I'm completely off course, binging and giving up. I think once I hit my goal weight, a flip of panic switched off in my mind. It was like "uh oh. What do we do now?" I don't know how to maintain, I never maintained my weight before. And I don't know what it's like to live life not being focused on food every second of every day. The more I write, the more I realize how much I need psychological intervention lol.

[amandalp1021 25]

1 hour ago, summerset said:

Did it start with reaching that goal or did something else in your life happen that started the disaster?

I think it did start once I reached my goal. A sort of panic set in where I didn't know what to do anymore. All I know is dieting and gaining weight. So maintenance is a totally new world for me.

[amandalp1021 25]

1 hour ago, Yessican said:

Don’t stress about about it I think it will make it worse. It’s okay you had your birthday week off just get passs that. Plan ahead what you will eat for a week and start off slow working out. Make it fun look for new recipes or go to a dance class! It will be okay. Things happen you just have to get focused again on your goals. Best of luck! You got this!

Thank you so much! I'm going to try to keep a clear focused head. I know getting anxious about it makes it worse

[amandalp1021 25]

10 minutes ago, elcee said:

It is good that you have recognised this early as that means that you can nip it in the bud.

Give yourself a talking to. Make a list of what you can do and wear now that you couldn’t before. Look at your diet and do some planning. Make sure the foods that you are allowing yourself are tasty and interesting. Look up some new recipes. Plan to have a reward meal ( not huge but something you really want to eat) if you have kept to your other targets

Thank you so much. I'm definitely going to have a heart-to-heart with myself today and really understand myself and my habits

[Orchids&Dragons 9,047]

20 minutes ago, amandalp1021 said:

I think I may know at least some of the reasons why I'm so off track. I was always a very big girl since I was a kid. And I just kept gaining weight until about 15 years old when it caused a big health problem. Since then (I'm 30 years old now) I've known nothing but dieting and/or gaining. And that was/is my life. A constant yo-yo diet. And I don't know if it's my OCD, but I go to extremes. I'm super obsessed with calorie counting and tracking and "perfect" eating and constant exercise or I'm completely off course, binging and giving up.

1

That's me as well. Started dieting at about 12, up and down for the next 48 years. I'm nearing goal now and will probably need a lot of mental adjustments to handle it.

[elcee 3,340]

58 minutes ago, amandalp1021 said:

Definitely going to reach out to a therapist. Thank you so much for the encouragement!

I think I may know at least some of the reasons why I'm so off track. I was always a very big girl since I was a kid. And I just kept gaining weight until about 15 years old when it caused a big health problem. Since then (I'm 30 years old now) I've known nothing but dieting and/or gaining. And that was/is my life. A constant yo-yo diet. And I don't know if it's my OCD, but I go to extremes. I'm super obsessed with calorie counting and tracking and "perfect" eating and constant exercise or I'm completely off course, binging and giving up. I think once I hit my goal weight, a flip of panic switched off in my mind. It was like "uh oh. What do we do now?" I don't know how to maintain, I never maintained my weight before. And I don't know what it's like to live life not being focused on food every second of every day. The more I write, the more I realize how much I need psychological intervention lol.

So if the way you stay on track is by being obsessed with calorie counting and tracking continue to do that. Work out how many calories you need to maintain and add it into your plan. It might seem obsessive but if that is what works then stick with it

[harmony love 22]

Were all human and don't beat yourselves up we mess up. You've done so amazing on your weight loss and gaining a couple pounds isn't the end of the world. You made it just don't let yourself get to you. You've done it before and you can do it again easier said than done just be proud and be happy with yourself. I'm sure you'll get back to a better you again.

[ttnurse 21]

Hi dear,thank you for sharing. I met my goal at 6 months post-op 2 years ago.i stayed at goal for a few weeks, goal is 150 I, yoyo to 160 and back down again. I convince myself it's ok to go up and down a bit but it scares me. I need a pouch reset I think,not sure what to do.

1 hour ago, amandalp1021 said:

Thank you so much! I'm going to try to keep a clear focused head. I know getting anxious about it makes it worse