hey guys,

so i'm feeling really bummed out right now. for the past 5 months i've been really excited to go through with the surgery. i'm now having second thoughts. i don't want to let everyone down that i've told i was getting it but i also don't want to be unhappy and depressed post-surgery. i feel like such a disappointment not only to myself but to my family and friends. they were all so happy and proud of me for doing it, but honestly i don't know if i'm ready right now. i'm only 24 and i do want to lose weight, i've already started eating healthy the past few weeks and lost 10 lbs on my own. i'm just not ready to give up all of these things like caffeine, nicotine, drinking and eating, sparkling water, the 5% carb and fat rule (which basically everything has more than that in a serving), etc. i feel like maybe i should re start my 6 month weigh-in. on the other hand that's just how i'm feeling right now, everyone has their bad days and today is just one of mine. but i feel like if i don't go through with the surgery i'll always be overweight and that i'll regret not doing the surgery now. has anyone had such mixed emotions so close to surgery?

Many people have nervous feelings about surgery and life after, however the length of your mixed emotions should be a clue to you. When you are really ready you will know.

4 minutes ago, GreenTealael said:

Many people have nervous feelings about surgery and life after, however the length of your mixed emotions should be a clue to you. When you are really ready you will know.

Ugh you are so right, I don't think right now is the right time and if I restart the 6 months it'll be right around mid-end of May and I'll still have ~4 months before I move to LA.

But also remember time and health is not infinite. Don't take it for granted.

As for your family and friends being happy and proud of you, that's all well and good, but, ultimately, these feelings should be reserved for you alone. Your happiness and sense of pride should be front and center. The disappointment of others should never be a reason to proceed. There are certain decisions in our lives that belong only to us... and this is one of those decisions.

I recall your inner debate about what you have qualms about giving up (caffeine, nicotine, drinking, and eating). If you're still hanging onto all of these "pleasures", I don't see how you can possibly be ready. You seem to still be at square one.

O,ly YOU and YOU AL9NE know if it is Time. For me, I realized surgery scared me a whole lot less than continuing to live as I was, and that I would not live a lot longer without it. My quality of life had deminshed, I was depressed and ready to give up, thought at my age there wasn't much hope. I was 69 when I started, 72 now and 7 weeks out, Oh there have been snags, even an almost roadblock or 2, but I NEVER,WOULD GO BACK to where I was! But we will always be your friend, no matter YOUR CHOICE! Okay??

7 hours ago, CashmereAndBones said:

hey guys,

so i'm feeling really bummed out right now. for the past 5 months i've been really excited to go through with the surgery. i'm now having second thoughts. i don't want to let everyone down that i've told i was getting it but i also don't want to be unhappy and depressed post-surgery. i feel like such a disappointment not only to myself but to my family and friends. they were all so happy and proud of me for doing it, but honestly i don't know if i'm ready right now. i'm only 24 and i do want to lose weight, i've already started eating healthy the past few weeks and lost 10 lbs on my own. i'm just not ready to give up all of these things like caffeine, nicotine, drinking and eating, sparkling Water, the 5% carb and fat rule (which basically everything has more than that in a serving), etc. i feel like maybe i should re start my 6 month weigh-in. on the other hand that's just how i'm feeling right now, everyone has their bad days and today is just one of mine. but i feel like if i don't go through with the surgery i'll always be overweight and that i'll regret not doing the surgery now. has anyone had such mixed emotions so close to surgery?

As stated, second thoughts are 100% normal. Also, what is going to happen after surgery, more than likely isn't going to be as hard or devastating as you think it is now. Now, that said, it's not super easy, it takes time, effort and a willingness to change, because all those things you are going to "miss" are the things you more than likely shouldn't be eating or... are addicted to. No judgement, just truths. I had issues shortly after surgery, my family would cook and it would smell amazing and I was sitting there with 1 oz of something pureed. It was pretty though emotionally. Then when they would make toast... ugh, so crappy.
BUT
That didn't last forever. I can eat a lot more things that I expected to be able to. I can drink beer without any issues. I avoid soda now anyway, but I've had some. Sparking water is fine too. But these things you *REALLY* want to wait until you are 6+ months out before you start trying to work back into your diet.

Nicotine is an odd one, it's not Nicotine that people get addicted to, it's the other junk the cigarettes that folks crave. I'm a cigar smoker. Cigars have more nicotine per cigar (on average) than an entire pack of cigarettes, yet, I've never, nor have I ever seen anyone, that was "jonesing" for a cigar and just "had to have one"... I never see cigar smokers out in the rain and snow getting their "nic fix". If nicotine was as addictive as folks want you to believe, then cigar smokers would be worse than cigarette smokers... but we aren't.

That said, I smoke cigars still, no issues.
I eat bread on occasion, I just opt for the high grain count versions and I avoid white flour when possible.
I drink beer on occasion, no issues.
I try to follow the 5 grams fat/added sugar thing, but I don't always, I LOVE cheese, which is high in fat... yet, no issues.

Don't worry about what might be now, because odds are, what you are worried about won't be what happens down the road. Just remember all the reasons you want the surgery. Weigh it out, it's your call. If you are happier and want to accept the negatives that come with being overweight, that's 100% up to you.

It's completely normal to second guess any major life changing thing you go through; marriage, weight loss surgery, cosmetic surgery, buying a first home, even kids. I know once you're pregnant and about to go into labor, there's nothing you can do. But I seriously questioned am I ready? And many other questions. Some of the things you are worrying about can still be enjoyed after surgery just not in huge quantities. I'm a vape person and no longer smoke cigs but every now and then. I drink a pot of coffee every day. Sometimes (mostly) it's decaf. I will drink a diet coke here and there. I don't drink alcohol because I'm an alcoholic, but I have friends that do.

You're 6ft and your goal weight is 125lb? How did you arrive at that? Just curious. I'm still wondering if my goal weight is achievable. After four children, I'm not sure it's possible. I think I just like "how it looks" in print.

33 minutes ago, Missouri-Lee's Summit said:

You're 6ft and your goal weight is 125lb? How did you arrive at that? Just curious. I'm still wondering if my goal weight is achievable. After four children, I'm not sure it's possible. I think I just like "how it looks" in print.

Good pick up, while BMI isn't the best indicator it would be about 17 which is technically underweight.

I was wondering about the goal weight too, but assumed it was just numbers quickly filled out. I'm 5'2 my goal weight is 135 and that's kinda on the heavier side for my height. My Dr at the last visit said he would be happy to see me at 140. Either one is still smaller than I've been since a teenager and I've had kids as well. I'm just mostly focusing on becoming healthier and learning better habits

Yeah, it seems normal to me that you're second guessing this, as it is a major decision. What I will say is that I really haven't had to give up much of anything. I can't eat as much as I used to be able to, of course, but I don't stop myself from having something if I REALLY want it. If I want chocolate, I have a small piece. If I want pancakes, I have half of one, which ends up being more than enough....I could go on. No, I don't eat these things all day, every day, but I do let myself have them occasionally.

I do drink coffee everyday; I do better with the cold brew variety, as it's less acidic, and I use a non-sugary flavoring with stevia for sweetener, so I'm not adding a bunch of calories or carbs, but I DO get my caffeine fix daily. I wasn't able to have it for a while, while I was healing, but I'm now 7 months post-op and can enjoy my glass a day.

I also drink alcohol now. Do I do it a lot? No. But I do allow myself to drink occasionally. I don't keep liquor at the house, because I don't need it that often, but when I go out with friends, I may have a drink. I do vodka and water, and I bring Mio to but in it, so I'm still getting a yummy drink, without adding calories and carbs.

I really wasn't a soda or sparkling water drinker before, so I don't miss that.

I'm 32, and I wish that I would have done the surgery when I was your age, instead of waiting.

I agree with you, from this and previous posts, you're not ready.

You are focused on what you will give up, instead of what you will gain.

No one can make you want your health, weight loss, mobility, etc., more than you want a pastry. Hopefully you will get there one day.

I went towards gastric bypass about 5-6 years ago.. but didnt end up going through with it.. I finally had my procedure last Monday at age 44.. it is what it is.. but I'll say not much changed in my feeling about my weight between then and now.. it went down for a bit then came back up.. if you're ready go for it.. it's all up to you.. I had alot of people in my life pushing me towards putting this off till after the holidays but I just wasnt willing to wait. It's all up to you.

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I don’t know if you are ready or not. I will just say that I had been wanting surgery for years but only did it 2 weeks ago (at age 52). I feel I missed out a lot on my life for not doing it sooner - but not anymore! It was the right decision for ME. You need to decide what’s right for YOU! But please make this about YOU and not your family and friends. You need to put YOU first! Good luck with whatever you decide!!

I think you are too indecisive. I have a son your age and I won't push him even though he is super morbidly obese. I think everyone goes through what is described as buyer remorse for a little bit after their first WLS and if you are questioning your motives as much as you are now and in past posts, you should wait a few years. You will (most likely) sabotage your own progress after the surgery and I'm basing that on my experience as a father. I tell my son, "You will know when you're ready to loose weight and get healthy because you will have an overwhelming sense of conviction". The old saying "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make em drink" comes to mind. Go out and try to get healthy on your own one more time and if that doesn't work, (which it didn't for most of us on here) come on back. This community will still be here. As a parent, I wish my kids could learn from my mistakes but that's just not reality. All I can do is try to lead by example and that's the reason I'm going down this path now. Good luck with your decision.