Fighting the Negativity

[Danny Paul 761]

On 7/10/2018 at 11:07 PM, jmccarty said:

Something about her sister having gained all her weight back from bypass

Since having WLS I view a statement like this in two ways. First people will throw anything at you if they don't agree with you. Hence, they say after WLS you'll only gain the weight back so you should diet instead. ( Like we haven't dieted and gained the weight back as well) Secondly, I find this to be true for people like me. I am a compulsive overeater and I can gain the weight back. What mentally made me choose to over eat and become obese didn't go away with my WLS. I still carry these same destructive behaviors with me. To help me overcome them I have been seeking help via a therapist and Over Eater Anonymous. For those who do not have this compulsion WLS is a sure thing to take the weight off and to keep it off. You're doing the right thing for yourself by doing something that will make you healthier and no one should discourage you from trying to be healthy.

[anita428 4]

I’m glad to hear that someone else has the same problems I deal with Calen people about having the surgery I am in very early stages I go I’m just had my third appointment and medically supervised diet that the rain is gone I’m due to probably have surgery sometime in November I too was very limited who I let know about this there’s one certain person I have not told that’s a relative but every time I talk to her she talks about all I can eat this I can’t do that just need to be exercising watch what you eat she’s never had a weight problem in our whole entire life she doesn’t know what it’s like to be overweight for the most part my family is following me on this And supportive of it I have been overweight almost my entire life and I just decided is now time to really do something to have a better health I’m 64 years old and it’s time that I take control of my health I’m really nervous about it and done a lot of soul-searching because of what the lifestyle is going to be like for me later but I’ve decided I can handle it

[GirlShrinking 110]

On 07/10/2018 at 23:29, jmccarty said:

It's just hard to listen to. She gives "her reasons" as to why I'm heavy. Why I haven't lost weight. Hearing that makes feeling good about having surgery almost impossible. Makes me (temporarily) wonder if something is wrong with me.

I think something is wrong with her for making someone else feel like there is something wrong with them.

I think you know your body best and only you can and should do what’s best for you..

I have little to no support with the exception of my fiancé supporting.. I have family and friends telling me that I should just workout because I’ve lost 31 lbs on my own(not Keto diet) just low fat low carb and high Protein diet.. they don’t understand that it’s not about them and that it’s not about just losing weight (there’s a lot of reasons ) everyone’s reason is different (personally, I have been limited to doing thing with my daughter) I’d like to sit on the floor with her and play games , go on field trips with her at school..etc.. the list goes on. I’ve already told a couple people to suck me sideways and keep their stupid comments to themselves. So with that being said?

.. no, I don’t think there is anything wrong with you. That lady needs to just shut up and find something better to do with herself than to put others down.

[KJan 4]

I haven't really told anyone either only a few people that I truly trust. Anyone who asks me how I've lost the weight I just say I gave up carbs. My mom and my husband were not keen on me getting the surgery. I delayed it for about 2 years because of it. Then last year I had severe gallbladder attacks and realized I couldn't live life like this so I told my husband I'm doing it with or without his support. My mom finally understood when I told her my concerns about being sick. They are both supportive of me now. I haven't felt this good in a long time and being able to feel comfortable enough to go on the amusement rides with my kids this summer, being able to get up on my son's bed without a struggle and seeing their faces when I can play longer with them is all the encouragement I need. I tune out the negativity. So remember it is your life it does not belong to anyone else.

[magpie26 244]

My mom had WLS surgery 12 years ago and I wasn't for it actually, then I saw how happy she was and how high her self esteem was. I guess I just worried about her then. When I decided to have it she was very supportive (duh!) and my siblings were too. I told my close friends and they were kinda supportive but they told me they could never do that to their bodies(they are both overweight), so after I had it about 2 years later I just didn't tell them. My doctor was not great either, I wanted a referral and the first thing she said to me was "you know, 50% of those fail" yeah, I switched doctors. I never announced it on Facebook, and my mom tells her sisters everything, so they know but they're b*thches.

[Frustr8 7,886]

Anita if not now, when? I am very proud of you making this stand for a new way to manage your weight trials. I'm cheering. you on to the Final victory!🚩😛🚩

[AllyJonesVSG 184]

On 7/10/2018 at 11:07 PM, jmccarty said:

So, I've been very selective with whom I have told about my upcoming surgery. Just close friends and family. Most of them gave their encouragements and support. However, one work friend I told (who I thought would be sympathetic seeing as how she is very large and understands what it's like) was very much against me having surgery. Actually against VSG or other WLS in general. Something about her sister having gained all her weight back from bypass (or something to that affect). She keeps telling me I just need to get some willpower and work hard. Sends me diets and workout routines on FB. Doesn't she realize that if all it took was willpower and hard work that I would already be fit and thin; those things just haven't worked for me.

How have you dealt with bad reactions/negativity you received when people found out about your choice to have VSG?

There's probably a bit of envy/jealousy in there. You said she is very large, and clearly all this diet and workout routine advice she's sending you hasn't worked for her, either. I'd gently but firmly suggest that, although you appreciate her concern, you're fine doing things your way just as she should do things her way.

[AllyJonesVSG 184]

On 7/11/2018 at 10:32 AM, AshAsh1 said:

My point is... be selective. And ultimately, not to be blunt... but settle on a *I don't give a f*ck what you think* attitude.

Honestly, this is great advice for all of life, and how I live mine. When people give me unsolicited advice, I give them such a wide-eyed look of shock, like "I can't believe you have the balls to weigh in on this personal part of my life!" and often that's enough to make them back off. When they don't, I just tell them gently but firmly that my choices are mine, and they should concern themselves with their own. If they persist after that, I get Seriously Blunt.

[Plucky 24]

On 7/10/2018 at 11:07 PM, jmccarty said:

So, I've been very selective with whom I have told about my upcoming surgery. Just close friends and family. Most of them gave their encouragements and support. However, one work friend I told (who I thought would be sympathetic seeing as how she is very large and understands what it's like) was very much against me having surgery. Actually against VSG or other WLS in general. Something about her sister having gained all her weight back from bypass (or something to that affect). She keeps telling me I just need to get some willpower and work hard. Sends me diets and workout routines on FB. Doesn't she realize that if all it took was willpower and hard work that I would already be fit and thin; those things just haven't worked for me.

How have you dealt with bad reactions/negativity you received when people found out about your choice to have VSG?

One thing my surgeon brought up, and that it is only women who will do this to other women, we will encounter pressure from other women either not to do it, or later on how you are losing too much weight. Just thank her for her input, and stay the course! I'm very selective about who I have told because I know many who will try to dissuade me.

[Frustr8 7,886]

I found something profound in my readings I'd like to share:
When I ask you to listen to me
And you start giving advice
You have not done what I Asked.
When I ask you to listen to me
And you begin to tell me why I shouldn't feel that way
You are trampling on my feelings.
When I ask you to listen to me
And you feel you have to do something to solve my problem
You have fails me, strange as that seems.
So please listen and just hear me
And if you want to talk
Wait a minute for your turn
And I'll listen to you.
........Source Unknown.......

[goldenbarbie 329]

Ignore the negativity! Do what’s best for you, get the surgery. It’s your life, your body and YOUR health! I support you. 💓

Many people say I should not have gotten the surgery but I feel better and look better so I am happy and that’s what matters.

[NYJenn 1,461]

I started the conversation with “I’m not looking am opinion, I wanted to let you know I will be ______”

[anita428 4]

Hello again. I am still fighting feelings if I am doing the right thing? can I do this? Do I have the will power? I hope I am not the only one that feels this way. I'm hoping it will pass. It just worries me about the after. There are so many foods that I am not fond of. I have broaden my palate in the last few years but there is still a lot of things I don't care for, or I like but I like the wrong way. ie, I love broccoli but I want cheese on mine. I love salmon but I want it as a patty, mixed with egg and crackers. I like to go out with friends on occasion and have a few beers. Am I going to be able to do this after surgery? Just feeling frustrated today. Doing some venting.

[KCgirl061 1,529]

Is it possible to politely say something along the lines of “I was just sharing a part of my life with you looking for support, but I really wasn’t looking for your opinion or dieting advice.”?

[nibble 201]

On 7/18/2018 at 11:16 AM, anita428 said:

There are so many foods that I am not fond of. I have broaden my palate in the last few years but there is still a lot of things I don't care for, or I like but I like the wrong way

Anita - I imagine most of us have allegiance to favorite foods prepared in certain ways. Most of the recipes I see for the Nutribullet and on Pinterest don't appeal to me. i have adopted two strategies: 1) I get creative to see how I can modify my favs so they will be healthy, or at least have a ton more protein; 2) if I can't modify it to my liking, I agree to give it up for the 10 weeks until I can begin regular food textures, etc. It really depends on your long term goal. My NUT says "There is no cheating - only choices." I don't want ANY food having control over me, and already I find things I used to favor just have no more appeal to me. Perhaps you can discuss this with your NUT and counselor, and in your support groups. I know a few who have an occasional beer 1 yr after surgery, but again, it is a choice only you can make for yourself.