Family Causing Second Thoughts about surgery

[Squiddly 2]

I'm turning 25 in a few weeks and scheduled for my sleeve on 8/6. I've struggled with my weight my entire life and the last few years have been especially rough all around. A family member got her sleeve two years ago and told me it was the greatest decision she's ever made and she wishes she had done it at my age. She and my mom are supportive and totally feel the same way, but a lot of other family members have been aggressively trying to convince me not to do it i.e. telling me how permanent this is and it could lead to issues down the road, telling me people gain the weight back all the time and if then they're stuck with half a stomach, etc. I've done a bit of research and spoken to a lot of doctors during the screening process pre-op and they all seem to think it's an excellent surgery, and I know I want this and I want to change my life, but I can't help but worry with all the negativity that's been getting thrown at me. Has anyone else experienced anything like this? How did you deal with the doubt?

[Biddy zz 🏳️🌈 1,004]

So... the people WITH experience of this are saying “it works, it is excellent, as long as you are ready to change your life it is a great tool” and the people whose experience is confined to what they hear in the paper or from gossip is “no, too radical, it might not work, no need, danger danger”? And which group is is sensible to believe?

I think a stock of ready answers might just do the trick! Feel free to pinch any of these, as the situation demands:

“Thanks for your concern, funny how everyone has an opinion about what is best for MY body!!”

“Thanks for sharing your worries, but I have enough of my own! Could you just support my decision?”

”oh, you are such an expert. When did YOU have this surgery?” (Complete with “I see it didn’t work for you - why not?” if appropriate)

”I know it isn’t a magic bullet, but it is a tool and I need this tool.”

”People who regain the weight generally don’t have a good support network to help them keep the weight off. Can I count on you being there as part of that support system for me?”

[Squiddly 2]

Well I kind of forgot to mention almost all of the concerned family members are also doctors and I know they're really smart people too, so it kinda gets to me. But I like that list a lot especially the 2nd one and last one, and I'm definitely going use them

[okayestmom 232]

I did the research, made a decision and then told people. I don't care about keeping it a secret, but if someone is of the opinion that it doesn't work I just agree with them that yes, that can happen. I have heard from several people about everyone regains the weight by the 5 year. I have yet to find anyone that personally knows a person this has happened too. I do know it can happen and the sleeve can be stretched, but I plan on following all the instructions, so I am not concerned about these mystery 5 year weight gainers.

[xx_Momo_xx 19]

I had my sleeve done and 95% of my family doesn’t know I had it done , but my mom dad brother and husband. It’s your decision I wish I did it earlier (by the way I’ll be 28 this year) I have had the option since my early to mid twenties. It’s a great tool and when you see the weight coming off it makes you want to work harder; again it’s your decision but if I had to do it again I would!!

[RaedQ 7]

My family did the same.
What was good for my health was to do the surgery and I've done it.

This was 8 days ago.

Prior to that, I was praying a lot and asking for guidance and that God to facilitate me to the right way.

[Bryn910 519]

This isn’t about your family, this is about you. And so what if you have half a stomach? Are you or they going to be upset you can’t eat more?! The exact thing that made you big to begin with?

and I am sorry, if most of your family are doctors, then they should know the benefits of WLS our weight the benefits of being fat. I have been working in healthcare for 10 years and every doctor, and healthcare profiessional I have spoke to about WLS love it, agree with it and are very supportive of it; most are. Unless they aren’t medical doctors.

Do you, for you. If we all listened to the negative talks, most of us would be on our death beds. If you don’t get the surgery, how would you feel? It’s your life and good luck to you. You will be fine I am sure

[SydneySleever 104]

I didn’t have any negativity from family but I did from myself. At times I felt I was trying to talk myself out of the surgery. I had a huge fear of failure. I had a band before lost weight and gained it back. Bands are no longer used because of their high failure rate but I saw this as a reflection of myself. If I didn’t succeed with the band I won’t succeed with the sleeve. I kept telling myself it was no use because I would just gain it back again and didn’t want to be a ‘failure’. I told my husband how I felt and he said something that really resonated: even if you drop the wait and keep it off for awhile then gain it back, it still seems worth it. And that made me realise that getting the weight off for even a little while is better than doing nothing. Giving myself the chance to succeed is a success. If I denied myself that would be the real failure. Give yourself a chance. No matter what anyone else says, be kind to yourself.

[Sosewsue61 3,185]

People are always surprised when some of the medical community are so against wls, but not all physicians have education regarding it or first hand knowledge of the procedure, they read medical journals, or even listen to anecdotal evidence and really don't understand obesity - plus everyone has an opinion, even doctors. How many fitness 'experts' really know how to help an obese person get in shape?

Shoot there are OBGYN doctors that know squat about breastfeeding, they claim to support it, but really are clueless - I especially find a lot of neonatal intensive care nurses to be the worst at supporting a breastfeeding mom - ' oh you don't need to be concerned about nursing, your milk won't be in for a few days anyway'. Say what!!! Do you not know that the breastmilk of a preemie mom is actually calorically higher and that the colostrum is just filled with immunities and the perfect food for those first couple days. YEP, so called professionals are biased and often not fully educated about a lot of procedures and situations. Don't get me started about doctors that think an insulin reaction is a seizure disorder...eejits.

So do what is best for YOU.

[YeahOkay31 652]

I didn't tell most of my family because I didn't need opinions from the peanut gallery--I knew most would not be helpful and would be against it. And they have reason to be: people do gain the weight back. I know several people (friends, colleagues, family members) who have gained back considerable amounts of weight after WLS, far more than I know people that have been long term successful. And yes, and there are the possible side effects. I am living with one of them right now.

I won't BS you, it is a gamble. I knew that going in. At the end of the day, you take your shot, for good or for ill. Maybe you got what it takes to be one of the lucky success stories, maybe not. Sometimes discipline and following the program to the letter does not get you the results you want--sometimes your body is just an a**hole and doesn't care how hard you are trying. However as Wayne Gretzky said, "you miss 100% of the shots you don't take."

This is your body, your future, and only your decision. As long as you go into this with eyes wide open, you'll do fine.

[Frustr8 7,886]

iF NOT NOW-WHEN?
IF NOT FOR ME- WHO IS MORE DESERVING?
IF THE TIME IS NOT RIGHT- WHEN WILL IT BE?
IF IT IS NOT YOUR CHOICE-IT IS MINE AND I WILL BE MOVING AHEAD WITH IT
IF I FEEL I NEED SUPPORT CAN I COUNT,ON YOU OR SHALL I LOOK ELSEWHERE?
FOR IN THE END IT IS MY DECISION AND MY LIFE IN THE BALANCE
SO ARE YOU FOR OR AGAINST ME?👸