I went in today for one of my pre-ops tests. Mind you, this was at an ambulatory surgical center that my bariatric team uses for test and such (EGD, pulmonary, etc.). The nurse who was wheeling me into the room for my procedure asked me why I was being scoped today. I told her I was going through the bariatric program and she said, "You don't look like the kind of person who needs that surgery." I was stunned and just held my breath and didn't say anything. She's a clinic nurse and not at all involved with my bariatric program, but it hit hard. She knew nothing about my comorbidities or general health and strictly made an assessment on the fact that my BMI is 40 or how I "looked" lying on the bed.

How would you have reacted? Should I bring this up with my care team?

A gentle missionary, good for you. Moondoggie just Keep on healing and stay safe. I need you in good shape when my day rolls around.?

I saw one of my best friends of 8 years over the weekend. We haven't met up for awhile, so she didn't know I was going for the gastric bypass surgery next week. So when we went out to lunch I explained why i couldn't eat because on the liquid diet, etc. She didn't mean it maliciously, more of a compliment I assume but she said "No offense, you don't even look like you need the surgery. When I think of people getting weight loss surgery I think of the TV show my 600 pound life." Mind you, this is the same girl I spent 4 years of college with struggling with weight, AND was there when I had my first gastric Sleeve surgery 2 years ago (which was a failed surgery). AND she said the SAME thing again. I really think some people just don't understand. This girl has been normal weight her entire life. Doesn't understand the knee pain, comorbidities, and just goes by the looks aspect of it. I didn't get mad, I just brushed it off. To be honest, it really helps knowing people don't do it maliciously, they are probably comparing your body to others they have seen. This nurse 100% shouldn't have said anything, but maybe in her eyes it was a compliment.

Sort of like the young boy who told his cousin while dancing with her at dancing class. "For a fat,girl,you don't sweat much!" he undoubtedly thought it a wonderful compliment. The fact he probably is still alive is because he didn't say it to me. I would have knocked,him backwards onto his scrawny buttocks! ?

I would let it go. I think in her job she’s seen people a whole lot bigger than you and that was her way of saying you’re not that bad off. Just keep positive thoughts in your mind and don’t let anything negative get in the way of the amazing life changing experience you’re going through.

And also she might have just been saying "You carry your weight well!" a quasi- compliment. I believe my first reaction would be. "What?" followed by "Thank You, I Think"?

If that's all she said, I think it's pretty clear it was a compliment. Basically saying you don't look super fat.

If she lectured you on it or tried to talk you out of it that's a different story.

I work in a hospital that does thousands of bariatric surgeries a year and it's incredibly common for staff to say wow how's that person qualify or they're not that big. They're not insults, it's people saying they don't think you're fat.

If someone trys talking you out of it or belittles you that's different

I usually just respond with something that makes them want to put their foot in their mouth like "Well, it doesn't look like I don't need it but my liver disease says otherwise." Then maybe she will think twice about those kinds of comments.

I would have taken as a compliment. Several of the found nurses I work with have been surprised that I am having it because they don't think I look that big. I'm 100 pounds overweight .

I have a family member who suffers from seizures, when she is in control you would think things are perfect within and for,herm Does this negate the fact, she does have this neurological blip? My point: just because it isn't apparent doesn't mean,it isn't there. I am happy you pass for being perfect,to thses other people but you and your doctor may know your true state of health, you and Doctor make the final decision both your viewing public.

Not your viewing public, you,have walked the miles in your moccasins not thrm!,

I get that all the time my BMI is 33 but I am 5’9 I just ignore them