I need to vent. Im 4 days post op and husband doesnt know how to cook, he expects me to still cook for him and if i say no he’ll get fast food and eat it in front of me. Today he ordered pizza and told me remember you cant eat this. I dont feel like hes doing it on purpose but i just had a huge fit cuz im watching tv have a huge headache, cough, chest pain. Baby is crying in one ear and hes nagging me about he wants yo watch tv i can watch tv tomorrow. I told him no and he kept nagging i just feel like hormones are crap right now and i went off. He still had the nerve to yell at me go to the room noone wants you out here with your stupid attitude. Idk how to get him to understand im going through a drastic change and i need time.

What an awful day!! Wow, you are still fresh out of surgery. It's going to get harder before it gets better. But don't worry, your body is healing and you are training your brain what and how to eat. Is the cough from a cold? Despite his eating pizza in front of you, I hope you're able to get your protein and water in. YOu are doing great and like you said, this will take time. It's a HUUUUUGE adjustment. But you and your husband will figure it out and find your new normal.

He sounds like a jerk.

That said....if he wants to eat crap, he can. You can't make him cook if he doesn't want to. His body. Let him kill himself with garbage. No skin off your nose...so don't worry about it.

No, it's not very supportive to eat crap in front of you....but it doesn't sound like he worries much about how you feel.

By the way...if you're 4 days post op and have a headache, a cough and chest pain...why in the hell isn't he taking you to urgent care immediately?

Because he doesn't care. That's why. Learn from this. Lose weight and find someone who actually cares about you.

Life is too short to play martyr.

Ditto what everyone else said.

Sorry you're feeling bad on top of the surgery. You DO need to call the doc about the cough, chest pain (if it isn't the usual gas pain in the left shoulder/breast area), and the headache (if it isn't carb withdrawals).

Hope you heal quickly.

Quote

I dont feel like hes doing it on purpose

...why? It sure as hell sounds like he's deliberately doing everything he can to annoy you.

People who eat pizza in front of you, don't take the baby off your hands after surgery and try to commandeer the TV when you're recovering are doing it on purpose. People who yell at you and call you stupid are not worth wasting your time on. For whatever reason, he's annoyed and making himself feel better by making you upset. That's not healthy, and it's his problem, not yours.

Just think, would you hear a friend's on a diet and then when you come over bring a hoagie and say "Well, you wanted to see me but I need to eat, remember you can't have this"? No. Because it's mean-spirited and inconsiderate. You would eat it in the car, or you'd wait until later to buy it, but you wouldn't make a production out of it unless you were actively looking to torment the dieter. It's just awful.

Let him eat junk food. When he arrives with it, head into your room and watch stuff on your phone or computer. But this sounds like a good time to really look at his behavior and realize that the people closest to you are not supposed to act like this.

It sounds like he could learn to be a little more sensitive. And there is no doubt that 4 days post op, there is a lot going on with your body. Surgery is hard on everyone...

But, as much as it all sucks, similar situations are going to happen for the rest of your life. There will always be birthdays, work events, family gatherings where people eat. It's easier on yourself if you learn to ignore them, leave the room, etc. I don't advocate leaving, as you miss out on the personal interaction. If you *want* to miss out on that, it's a different story! our stupid head tells us we're missing out, but food shouldn't have that much power, it's just fuel. And not even good fuel!

I don't have it all figured out...but I really hope you feel better soon and you and your husband can get on better terms. His support will help you be more successful.

Sent from my XT1254 using BariatricPal mobile app

15 hours ago, erika702 said:

I need to vent. Im 4 days post op and husband doesnt know how to cook, he expects me to still cook for him and if i say no he’ll get fast food and eat it in front of me. Today he ordered pizza and told me remember you cant eat this. I dont feel like hes doing it on purpose but i just had a huge fit cuz im watching tv have a huge Headache, cough, chest pain. Baby is crying in one ear and hes nagging me about he wants yo watch tv i can watch tv tomorrow. I told him no and he kept nagging i just feel like hormones are crap right now and i went off. He still had the nerve to yell at me go to the room noone wants you out here with your stupid attitude. Idk how to get him to understand im going through a drastic change and i need time.

Wow, Passive aggressive and sorry to say he did do it on purpose and making excuses for him wont change anything.

you can accept that he is that way but dont excuse it.

i wish you luck and hope you have a support system that doesnt include or depend on your husband because he is coming up way short in the support and nurture dept.

dam that all looks as bad as it feels sorry to say it but excuses are what got us all here and thats one habit we have to break if we want a new life.

good luck and i hope it gets better for you soon. keep us updated and hopefully the others will provide you with more encouragement.

Erika...please take your temperature. If it's up, call your doctor. Please remember to get your fluids in. A bad headache can be a sign of dehydration. The cough worries me, too. If it's persistent, please phone your doc or get seen today.

Please take care of your health. That is the number one priority right now.

This isn't about your WLS, this is about you being married to an a**hole.

While you are undergoing this physical transformation, consider transforming other parts of your life as well. You're accepting and making excuses for someone being malicious and calling you names. People who know their self worth don't put up with that behavior.

How are you feeling today Erika?


HW 242, SW 236- (Bypass 12/20/17)
GW#1- 199 [emoji736] (2/11/18)
GW#2- 180 [emoji736] (4/2/18)
GW#3- 160
CW 178
5’6”

I'm just a spouse of a WLS patient. My husband's surgery is on Monday. I just lurk on here to see what I can expect from this journey (which btw I've learned a lot). I'm horrified at your husband's attitude. I wish I could give you a big hug.

I hope you are feeling better and have other support avenues.

Thanks! For all your guyses input! My hubby is not an a*****e etc. Lol we talked things over and he explained to me that he didnt know about all the mixed emotions i was having. Yesterday was the first day back home and he wasnt expecting alot to change he said now he knows and now he eats before getting home. I told him i was just in a vulnerable place yesterday. He did apologize and for now he said hes fine eating out the house until im ready to see food. I think i over reacted and i guess i didn’t realize that i have a food addiction until now! This is a very very hard thing to do! And if youre not ready dont do it. But update today was so much better. I went to get checked out on my cold lungs sound good im drinking more and more liquids and sat ill be able to start stage 2 of my journey which is protein shakes etc. Thanks everyone for their comments.

Also down 18 lbs i lost 12 before procedure and 6 more so far. Thats makes me excited! Lol [emoji3][emoji3]

So glad you got checked out, Erika:) And even gladder that you're feeling better. Wishing you good healing and success:)

Serious question: Is your husband too incompetent to cook himself? Or is it machismo crap? It's 2018, not 1954, and he should be able to cook for the family, not just order take out. Send him to a cooking class, or have him watch youtube videos. It's not rocket science.

Serious question: Is your husband too incompetent to cook himself? Or is it machismo crap? It's 2018, not 1954, and he should be able to cook for the family, not just order take out. Send him to a cooking class, or have him watch youtube videos. It's not rocket science.

Lol no hes the baby in his family so his mom never teached him so he was never really interested in learning. I try to teach him then and there but he works alot so by time he gets home hes tired. And our fam is small i only have a one year old so cooking for him is no problem.