Two years post op
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Two years ago from tomorrow I made the hardest decision of my life and got Bariatric surgery. This was one of the scariest days of my life. I had been on a three week long “fast” where I was only aloud to drink unflavored protein powder and chicken broth(I cheated a few times and had some milk). I remember waking up at 4am to head to the hospital where my surgery would take place. I didn’t feel scared, I didn’t feel anxious. I felt excited. Everything felt right. Although I had prepared myself as much as I could by reading literature, taking nutrition classes, and watching surgery videos, I had no idea what a huge challenge I would face. I knew the basics, I would get sick if I ate too much, I couldn’t have carbs, sugars or carbonation and it would take about 6 months to feel “normal” again, but nothing could have prepared me for the ups and downs that I would face.
We got to the hospital, got situated in my pre op room, I got changed into my hospital gown. It took 15 sticks to get the IV in me (not counting the additional 15 shot of lidocaine before placing the IV) at this point all I could focus on was the fact that I wasn’t going to be able to proceed with my surgery because my veins were so bad from being over weight and dehydrated. Once they got the IV into my vein, I don’t remember a whole lot because they put an anti anxiety “cocktail” into my IV. My mom said when they took me off to surgery I was smiling and excited.
My procedure went perfectly, it took about 2 and a half hours. When I woke up I had never been in so much pain in my life. I instantly got nauseated and started throwing up(stomach staples and vomiting really don’t mix. I remember looking around the room frantically for my mom. They wouldn’t let her come in because I wasn’t “stabilized” yet. The last thing I remember before them giving me a big dose of anti nausea and pain meds was wondering if I made a mistake.
Once I got to my in patient room all that I felt was relief that my mom was by my side.
I was in the hospital for five days before I was finally released. These five days were cake compared to what I was about to experience.
For those five days I couldn’t even keep water down. I remember what a struggle it was to even take a shower, I was so embarrassed that I had to ask for help to bathe.
In order to be released I had to keep down 4 ounces of water for thirty minutes. My stomach was so small that I couldn’t do this, so me being stupid and just wanting to go home regretfully lied about the amount of water that I consumed and of course this was a huge mistake. I slept the whole four and a half hour ride home but as soon as we got back to Steamboat I was very ill. I remember my dad trying to help me take my anti nausea medication and I threw up all over his recliner chair. This night was the worst night yet. I couldn’t sleep because when I closed my eyes I got so sick. The only thing I can compare it to is getting the spins when you’re drunk. I knew in order to stay out of the hospital I had to keep fluids down but I just couldn’t. I threw everything up no matter how small the sip was. At this point I hadn’t eaten in days and was pretty weak.
The next day I decided that I wanted to leave my parents and go home.
I couldn’t even walk up my stairs to get to my bed without being winded and exhausted. At this point, I was a week post op and I had lost THIRTY pounds, and not in a healthy way.
It took two months and two ER visits to be able to go back to work or start to eat solid foods. I lost a lot of my hair and was learning how my new body worked. I knew what would make me sick and what wouldn’t. I began to eat 90 grams of protein a day and tried to drink as much water as possible. I began getting in the routine of taking all of my vitamins even.
Looking back now this all feels like a dream.
The most common misconception is that I took the easy way it. This is easy for people to say when they haven’t gone through what I have gone through. There are days that I am sitting down eating and I think, “I really wish I could eat and enjoy this whole meal.”
Something that no one can prepare you for is the body dysmorphia. I still see myself as that big girl. I wear leggings and think “I shouldn’t wear this” or “people are going to make fun of me for wearing this.” Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night with an extreme sense of panic because I am so terrified that I’m going to gain weight. However, day by day I’m learning to love myself more. Learning to enjoy my new body, and most importantly, embrace my who I am and who I have become throughout this journey. I will never forget the day my life truly began, 1/11/16