Shopping (And all it's Trappings)

[Hannah83 214]

The glitz of Victoria's page is very tempting. And as I'm dropping pounds even more so. What I'm discovering is that along with the eating I also would buy expensive lounge clothing to make myself feel better. Yea I paid off my bill each month but the interest rate was higher than heck and now I'm falling out of 3-year-old yoga pants and re-sewing holes for the 4th time because it's the only clothing I've worn for the last 4 1/2 years.

Scratch that for my entire adult life thus far it's been lounge clothes. I like comfortable clothing that looks nice, not an issue. I'm on the autism spectrum so perhaps I should err on the side of grace for myself, but when you don't have 2/3's of your stomach the energy goes somewhere doesn't it?

I imagine self-discovery of the layers of things food hid and the trappings thereof will unravel as time goes on. I am thankful that I waited 2 years and thought through this process of surgery, did some dark night of the soul-searching and a lot of praying. The thoughts of 'will I regret this' were worn out before I even had surgery on the 31st of October 2017. For that I am thankful, I am thankful for a dad that had me look long and hard at this process. I am thankful for the hard years I went through in my 20's I used to struggle with self-mutilation for about 11 years. I am now 4 1/2 years healed thanks to God, my family and a six month free of charge faith-based treatment program called Mercy Multiplied.

We choose to guard our healing, our progress, and to ask for help, to go to support group meetings, to reach out, or to not do so.

This goes for more than weight loss surgery, it spills into every area of life.

I am a brave woman who has gone through much, before bullying on the internet was vogue I was at the center of it. Cira 2005-2012. I have an encyclopedia dramatica article which used to send me in a cycle of self-mutilation and self-hate which in turn exacerbated my ASD.

The scars point to a God who has healed me and a woman who choices to stay that way.

By the same token, the weight loss surgery will remain another testament to my commitment to stay well.

[Hannah83 214]

bump