What happened?

[SGirl35 165]

I’m sure I’m not alone in this as I’ve watched so many YouTube videos of people this happens to. Sadly after surgery , people in my life seemed to disappear. Maybe it’s all in my head and they are just busy? I realize that food is a huge part of life and most social events, but my friends have seemed to ignore me after surgery. Not in the beginning but I haven’t seen any of them 1 month post op.. it seems like everyone wants that “ token fat friend” in their life to make them feel better... I’ve lost about 40lbs, but I’m still the same down to earth girl. Yes, I can’t eat much, but damn... where did everyone go? Hoping it’s all in my head.. I’m never insecure or paranoid.. and if they wanna leave- their loss. I realize nobody secretly wants their friend thinner and more beautiful than them.. oh well. I’m not like that.

[Berry78 4,259]

Hopefully they are just giving you space in which to recover.

But, if it doesn't turn out to be the case, I feel certain you'll make some new friends with whom your new lifestyle will better mesh.

You may find exercise buds, or friends at a bariatric support group. Maybe you'll take up a new hobby..

No matter what, this is your time to work on YOU.

[SGirl35 165]

Hopefully they are just giving you space in which to recover.
But, if it doesn't turn out to be the case, I feel certain you'll make some new friends with whom your new lifestyle will better mesh.
You may find exercise buds, or friends at a bariatric support group. Maybe you'll take up a new hobby..
No matter what, this is your time to work on YOU.

Thank you for your perspective . This is very true and I hope to meet new people in my lifestyle. I’m going to start attending meetings this week, see how it goes..

[AnnieGreen 84]

There is rather an ebb and flow to friendships when you are younger (I'm 65). You each enter and leave different seasons of your life, and the timing is not always perfect.

I think its awesome you have plans to meet new people! You are a very pretty young woman, and it may be that your friends are a tad jealous about your change, but maybe they just aren't sure you are the same person.

As you have new interests, are more active, you will have a group of friends that enjoy the same things, and only know this new, healthier version of you. And hopefully, you will be able to retrieve a few of the old gang.

[FluffyChix 17,413]

Sadly, we often out-grow our friends.

My mom always said that we were known by the company we keep. Frankly, if your friends were partiers and have bad eating/drinking habits, it would be like a junkie in recovery still hanging with the junkie friends. Eventually sh*t will happen and you'll end up getting stoned again.

So maybe this is a sign to you that it's time to get new friends. Join a class or classes in fitness related things. Take a painting class or something...do the things you've secretly wanted to, but were too heavy to do.

Doesn't make it any easier. ((hugs))

[DropWt4Life 957]

Don't worry about it. If they have moved on, well, it is their loss. You just need to take care of you right now. It would be nice to have their support, but you don't need it.

People grow apart and move on. It happens to the best of friends. If you were the "token" fat friend, as you stated, you always deserved better anyway.

You are going to do amazing, but stay the same on the inside. You will definitely meet new people that will be a healthy addition to your new lifestyle if you put yourself out there. As other posters stated, support groups are great for meeting people that are experiencing things that you have, are or will experience in the future.

Good luck, and keep up the hard work!

[SGirl35 165]

Sadly, we often out-grow our friends.
My mom always said that we were known by the company we keep. Frankly, if your friends were partiers and have bad eating/drinking habits, it would be like a junkie in recovery still hanging with the junkie friends. Eventually sh*t will happen and you'll end up getting stoned again.
So maybe this is a sign to you that it's time to get new friends. Join a class or classes in fitness related things. Take a painting class or something...do the things you've secretly wanted to, but were too heavy to do.
Doesn't make it any easier. ((hugs))

Oh I never really thought of it this way. Taking fun classes would be a good thing to do. You’re right about friends with different habits than mine. Thank you for your comments.

[SGirl35 165]

Don't worry about it. If they have moved on, well, it is their loss. You just need to take care of you right now. It would be nice to have their support, but you don't need it.
People grow apart and move on. It happens to the best of friends. If you were the "token" fat friend, as you stated, you always deserved better anyway.
You are going to do amazing, but stay the same on the inside. You will definitely meet new people that will be a healthy addition to your new lifestyle if you put yourself out there. As other posters stated, support groups are great for meeting people that are experiencing things that you have, are or will experience in the future.
Good luck, and keep up the hard work!

Thanks so much

[SGirl35 165]

There is rather an ebb and flow to friendships when you are younger (I'm 65). You each enter and leave different seasons of your life, and the timing is not always perfect.
I think its awesome you have plans to meet new people! You are a very pretty young woman, and it may be that your friends are a tad jealous about your change, but maybe they just aren't sure you are the same person.
As you have new interests, are more active, you will have a group of friends that enjoy the same things, and only know this new, healthier version of you. And hopefully, you will be able to retrieve a few of the old gang.

Thanks so much for the kind words.

[James Marusek 5,244]

Sometimes I think many people are in denial. They do not want to face the fact that they are overweight. So you may represent someone who has taken the bull by the horns and made changes to your life. They may feel the pressure of making a decision towards the same direction. Some may secretly wish that you fail so that they don't have to feel the pressure.

[SGirl35 165]

Sometimes I think many people are in denial. They do not want to face the fact that they are overweight. So you may represent someone who has taken the bull by the horns and made changes to your life. They may feel the pressure of making a decision towards the same direction. Some may secretly wish that you fail so that they don't have to feel the pressure.

This is absolutely true. There are many over weight people in my life. I’ve always been the one to do what I say I’m going to do, that being said, they all follow my lead when they see drastic weight loss. As for my friends, they have a few pounds to lose too. So you’re probably right. It might make people feel guilty and uncomfortable that I can’t scarf my face with them anymore all day like we used to!

[Apple203 1,314]

1 hour ago, James Marusek said:

Sometimes I think many people are in denial. They do not want to face the fact that they are overweight. So you may represent someone who has taken the bull by the horns and made changes to your life. They may feel the pressure of making a decision towards the same direction. Some may secretly wish that you fail so that they don't have to feel the pressure.

I think this is insightful.

[Danny Paul 761]

It actually has to do with the way we are post surgery as well. After surgery I didn't and couldn't eat the way I did before. I turned down many invitations to dine out. I'm sure after awhile the invites will stop coming. The difference between me and you is I'm 60 and your still young (as another poster pointed out) for me, it's no big deal if my friends don't invite me to dine out. I have one singular goal and that's be healthy. As another poster pointed out, if I continue to do what my friends do I might go back to my old eating habits. Those habits caused me to have heart problems, diabetes, sleep apnea, gout and other health problems. I'm 30lbs down and most of my meds are gone. I no longer snore at night , my A1c went down and my BP is at an all time low. Sometimes in life we have to make a clean break and start new beginnings. WLS was a total reset for me and my plans are to try my best to learn new healthier habits and get rid of my old unhealthy habits.

[dreamingsmall 1,125]

I am sorry I can not answer your question, because I could not care less if a friend does not want to speak to me for losing weight lol it happens I just move right a long, aint life to short haha. Your ride or die friends will stay with you in different journeys, but let me tell you what I have learnt you lose friends through many changes in life, like when I acquired a disability which did not fit in with some of my friends shallowness they disappeared but hey I went on and made some really good friends. And so will you! Some people cant cope with your new confidence, hey your looking super good and you did before I am sure. But I know people who only make friends with people bigger than them as in the friendship the slimmer party feel they have the upper hand say on nights out with guys etc. silly silly. You have alot to offer people who deserve it

Edited October 31, 2017 by dreamingsmall

[dreamingsmall 1,125]

47 minutes ago, Danny Paul said:

It actually has to do with the way we are post surgery as well. After surgery I didn't and couldn't eat the way I did before. I turned down many invitations to dine out. I'm sure after awhile the invites will stop coming. The difference between me and you is I'm 60 and your still young (as another poster pointed out) for me, it's no big deal if my friends don't invite me to dine out. I have one singular goal and that's be healthy. As another poster pointed out, if I continue to do what my friends do I might go back to my old eating habits. Those habits caused me to have heart problems, diabetes, sleep apnea, gout and other health problems. I'm 30lbs down and most of my meds are gone. I no longer snore at night , my A1c went down and my BP is at an all time low. Sometimes in life we have to make a clean break and start new beginnings. WLS was a total reset for me and my plans are to try my best to learn new healthier habits and get rid of my old unhealthy habits.

Im 26 and couldnt care less if i get invited out lol not just an age thing lol luckily people still do invite me out its me that cant be bothered lol