I work in a Dispatch room, with 2 partners. Neither of which I'm particularly close with. My whole family and my closest friends all know that I'm having surgery next week. I'll be gone from work for 6 weeks, so it's not like I won't be missed. HIPPA allows me the secrecy, but I'm absolutely​ stressing about not telling them, trying to figure out why this is a big deal. People love to gossip and thrive on drama at my workplace, which is why I don't have close relationships there with many people.

Did/Does anyone else struggle with the "who to tell, who not to tell?" And is there really any gratification in not telling??

Nikki

Surgery date June 20th

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My husband and I were sleeved 4 years ago and even his 32 yo son does not know. We were not bedridden. We were in and out of the hospital in 8 hours and have been eating healthy and have lost weight. Too many people tell one person, then it spreads like wildfire. Nobody will be able to tell. I walked the mall four days after the sleeve. I am now 71 years old. We are around people all the time. We just eat less.

I chose to keep it private. I am proud that I had the surgery, but I know myself and I know it would get under my skin when people have to voice their opinions even though they are not educated on the topic. Like this....I knew someone who had the surgery and they gained it all back...or... weight loss is all about calories in vs calories out, have you tried dieting. grrrr... Or the people who will monitor you from now on..... are you allowed to eat that?

It's been 18 months and no one in my office knew or knows. They are just amazed at how focused I have been on loosing weight. Not their business. Shared with my daughters, mom. siblings and their kids because we are an extemely close family and without their support not sure I would have been as successful.

If you aren't close to them, why tell them?

Do you share all your other medical decisions with them?

This kind of stuff shouldn't even be discussed in the workplace anyway.

Depends on the work environment. Some work environments want to know about you, it contributes to workplace culture.

Some people consider it a private thing.. if so, power to them. But I tell pretty much anyone who shows interest. Why? Not that is or isn't their business, but because there needn't be any stigma attached to it. They know by the end of a discussion on it that it's a smart choice, and not a single person has questioned it yet, and I've probably talked to hundreds of people about this.

Every single time I've discussed this people are in absolute awe in how much I've learned, and how much improvement I've made. Not that I feel a whole lot better, given I had got myself in the situation I was in to begin with by being a dumbass. Nonetheless, the long term goal is to remove the stigma of WLS, which doesn't happen if we keep it secret. It also helps keep everyone honest.. if coworkers know you've had the surgery and don't want to eat crap, they might do the diligence of not inviting you to a bar or whatever, or if you have lunch with people you might avoid a situation where you can't order anything and you're left watching others eat -- the latter of which happened every time at an old video game job where people loved eating at Asian restaurants, and I hate Asian food. How it keeps you honest is it prevents you from eating crap, a coworker would know what your diet is, and might give you crap for it. I've had a couple people change their diet without even bugging them to change because they've seen my improvements. My wife has changed her diet as well.

I find that people who like to be reclusive and secretive don't help their situation that much. It doesn't mean go telling every person you see, but you can tell right away in a short convo if they have interest in the topic. Nowadays workplace culture is vastly more important than it used to be. Utilizing it in a constructive way can help keep you on the right track.. being secretive is another way of allowing yourself to slip without checks.

Edited June 13, 20179 yr by PatientEleventyBillion

I've told my family but only a handful of friends. I regret telling two friends. One of them tells everyone she sees that I had it done and we know a lot of the same people. She even said 'have you ever just tried dieting?' I almost burst out laughing. If you tell people, be prepared to be interrogated. Now half of my world knows so I just tell everyone. It requires a lot of educational discussions due to the ignorance on the subject.

3 hours ago, AZLoser said:

I've told my family but only a handful of friends. I regret telling two friends. One of them tells everyone she sees that I had it done and we know a lot of the same people. She even said 'have you ever just tried dieting?' I almost burst out laughing. If you tell people, be prepared to be interrogated. Now half of my world knows so I just tell everyone. It requires a lot of educational discussions due to the ignorance on the subject.

This is my point. One person. My husband listen to nosy Rosie neighbors gushing about our weight loss til I want to scream. If they knew we had the sleeve they would never shut up. Just like our business to remain OUR business.

I'm a pretty private person. When I had radiation I didn't tell anyone but family. When I had my gallbladder out no one knew but family, etc. However if someomen asks me I don't lie. Almost no one asks. People often don't like to ask uncomfortable questions.

This is my point. One person. My husband listen to nosy Rosie neighbors gushing about our weight loss til I want to scream. If they knew we had the sleeve they would never shut up. Just like our business to remain OUR business.

I totally get that. I wish I had done the same but it's too late for me.

I work in a Dispatch room, with 2 partners. Neither of which I'm particularly close with. My whole family and my closest friends all know that I'm having surgery next week. I'll be gone from work for 6 weeks, so it's not like I won't be missed. HIPPA allows me the secrecy, but I'm absolutely​ stressing about not telling them, trying to figure out why this is a big deal. People love to gossip and thrive on drama at my workplace, which is why I don't have close relationships there with many people.
Did/Does anyone else struggle with the "who to tell, who not to tell?" And is there really any gratification in not telling??
Nikki
Surgery date June 20th
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Don't tell them. It's no ones business. I was off 3 weeks just said I had hiatal hernia surgery which I did have along with my sleeve. When I came back with 20lb weight lost
I said I had to be on liquids for weeks and now having to change my diet. Most of my
Friends and family don't know. People tend to judge wls and I don't have time for that in my journey.

I told my co workers because were a small office and were all pretty close. I told a few friends (the ones I see often) and my immediate family. My son is in the army and not stationed close by so I didn't tell him until after surgery and I was home. Didn't want him worrying. Oldest son and daughter in law knew but I threatened them within an inch of their lives not to tell the other son. LOL.

I'm honestly surprised at how many "don't tell"s there are. I guess I rather assumed people were so excited to shout it from the mountain top, after such a long struggle. No judgement at all, as this appears to be my struggle. And with these replies, I'm finding I'm not alone in my thoughts.
No this isn't the kind of thing for workplace conversation, but people love to talk about other's hardships. I think the gossip will happen either way. We spend 12 hours at a time with each other, often time more than our own families. Very personal matters arise in a small room, equipped with kitchen and bathroom, in a 12 hour shift- whether we like it or not. Every moment away from your station is announced. This is my conflict, yes it's possible, though stress involved either way.
Every one I work with appears to struggle with their weight in some form or fashion, men too. It has even reached my ears that others are in the process of wls, no business of mine.
You've all made very valid points, and you're speaking from experience. Since my work is already so stressful (911, police, fire, EMS dispatcher) I'm desperate for a least stressful solution. I just hate the reason to not tell, the negativity. And it's very real, as you've shown me.

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21 hours ago, PatientEleventyBillion said:

Depends on the work environment. Some work environments want to know about you, it contributes to workplace culture.

Some people consider it a private thing.. if so, power to them. But I tell pretty much anyone who shows interest. Why? Not that is or isn't their business, but because there needn't be any stigma attached to it. They know by the end of a discussion on it that it's a smart choice, and not a single person has questioned it yet, and I've probably talked to hundreds of people about this.

Every single time I've discussed this people are in absolute awe in how much I've learned, and how much improvement I've made. Not that I feel a whole lot better, given I had got myself in the situation I was in to begin with by being a dumbass. Nonetheless, the long term goal is to remove the stigma of WLS, which doesn't happen if we keep it secret. It also helps keep everyone honest.. if coworkers know you've had the surgery and don't want to eat crap, they might do the diligence of not inviting you to a bar or whatever, or if you have lunch with people you might avoid a situation where you can't order anything and you're left watching others eat -- the latter of which happened every time at an old video game job where people loved eating at Asian restaurants, and I hate Asian food. How it keeps you honest is it prevents you from eating crap, a coworker would know what your diet is, and might give you crap for it. I've had a couple people change their diet without even bugging them to change because they've seen my improvements. My wife has changed her diet as well.

I find that people who like to be reclusive and secretive don't help their situation that much. It doesn't mean go telling every person you see, but you can tell right away in a short convo if they have interest in the topic. Nowadays workplace culture is vastly more important than it used to be. Utilizing it in a constructive way can help keep you on the right track.. being secretive is another way of allowing yourself to slip without checks.

Not everyone cares to share their private medical information with co-workers. Many people are more introverted and just feel no reason to talk about their personal matters. There is not one right or wrong way. Just because we don't share doesn't mean we are going to slip up. I don't need my co-workers checking up on my weight loss. I have the support of my family.

No one but my husband and niece who had the surgery know I am having it. I just let a friend who has had the same Medical issues as me because she knew I was considering it and has been so supportive. She told me if anyone says any th hung about weight loss after , just smile and say thank you!
I decided to keep it a secret because when I talked about considering it with my neighbor, she said, you are awfully vain to even think about surgery, just eat better and exercise more , you are much too old to worry about getting skinny. To Say the least, I was floored. I am 57, with diabetes, one kidney, hbp and lymphedema in both my legs (genetic). Skinny...skinnyyy????? I want my health back!!! As they say on my600lb life " I am risking my life for a chance at a better life."
My surgery is in July, no date yet. I threatened my husband that I will kick his butt if he breathes a word of my surgery..lol..(he is 6'0 300lbs) he is going to do a 2 month juice fast and eat just like me. We both are dedicated to changing our lives.
Sorry for the long post, my advice: keep your mouth shut, smile and say thank you for noticing, I appreciate that.
This journey is hard enough without the nosy naysayers with their negative energy.
Huggs, see you on the losers bench!!





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3 hours ago, Apple1 said:

Not everyone cares to share their private medical information with co-workers. Many people are more introverted and just feel no reason to talk about their personal matters. There is not one right or wrong way. Just because we don't share doesn't mean we are going to slip up. I don't need my co-workers checking up on my weight loss. I have the support of my family.

On 6/13/2017 at 1:36 PM, PatientEleventyBillion said:

Some people consider it a private thing.. if so, power to them.