I work in a Dispatch room, with 2 partners. Neither of which I'm particularly close with. My whole family and my closest friends all know that I'm having surgery next week. I'll be gone from work for 6 weeks, so it's not like I won't be missed. HIPPA allows me the secrecy, but I'm absolutely​ stressing about not telling them, trying to figure out why this is a big deal. People love to gossip and thrive on drama at my workplace, which is why I don't have close relationships there with many people.

Did/Does anyone else struggle with the "who to tell, who not to tell?" And is there really any gratification in not telling??

Nikki

Surgery date June 20th

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My coworkers know and are pretty supportive and excited about my total weight loss which is well over 100 pounds since I 1st started

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It's a personal choice, but I told literally everyone in my life. I told my family, I told my friends. I told coworkers. To my brother's horror and consternation, I regularly tell waiters/waitresses at restaurants. For me, it's not a big deal; why should it be? I'm just open and honest about it. It's a huge part of my life and who I am now, so it feels silly to keep it inside.

I've told anybody and everybody since I decided to pursue surgery and began my six month insurance-required pre-op diet program. I have gotten nothing but support and well wishes from anyone. And, frankly, I've lost over 200 pounds. There is absolutely no way that people wouldn't ask what I have done, and I just wouldn't bring myself to lie (even a lie by omission, which in my opinion is still a misrepresentation).

To each his/her own on this one...

I'm a very private person. I told one or two people including my husband. My mom told my susters and father. She assumed my sisters knew. I'm not ashamed of the surgery, I just don't want to hear what others have to say. Mainly​ I don't want to have to hurt someone's​feelings. I have 4 assistants that I work closely with. I didn't tell them because it wasn't their business. Again, I don't​want anyone's opinion. I just told them I'm trying to live a healthier life.

HW 330
SW 292
CW 230.8
GW

I want to add -- to me, the idea of keeping it secret is like admitting it's something to be ashamed of. And, in my opinion, it simply is not, and so we shouldn't act like it is. The more people who know about surgery and associate a face with it, the better. It'll help them learn about an option.

Because I was honest with my friends, I have ANOTHER friend who's now having the surgery. If I hadn't been so open/honest about my journey, she probably would never have considered it. So, for me, it's worth telling.

But then, I've also never had anyone be weird or cruel about it, aside from some jealousy...

I love and agree with all the comments. For myself, I'm keeping mum. I'm having a 2 part procedure. I'm having my lap band out, at the end of this month. Then, the gastric sleeve surgery, 3 months later. I mentioned to a coworker, (who is retiring the week I'm supposed to come back from the first surgery). I mentioned that I would be out for medical. She said, "are you okay?" Needless to say, I said yes, everything is fine. I don't want to hear the comments & questions at work. My husband, kids & parents know. They are my true support system. Maybe in time, I will tell more people? However; I keep my private life, private, for the most part. ?

4 hours ago, Brandeis said:

I want to add -- to me, the idea of keeping it secret is like admitting it's something to be ashamed of. And, in my opinion, it simply is not, and so we shouldn't act like it is. The more people who know about surgery and associate a face with it, the better. It'll help them learn about an option.

Because I was honest with my friends, I have ANOTHER friend who's now having the surgery. If I hadn't been so open/honest about my journey, she probably would never have considered it. So, for me, it's worth telling.

But then, I've also never had anyone be weird or cruel about it, aside from some jealousy...

Indeed. Most of us here are Americans and one thing we have in common is an ever increasing population who would benefit vastly or get more years out of their life without organ transplants and such by having this done. Having the stigma attached does no one any good. And while I respect the fact that we all have our own preference on the subject, keeping WLS secret is a bad idea that only contributes to this stigma, like you said, that it's something to be ashamed of. Every day we teach people how to treat us or what we go through. Too many seem to have no concept of this, yet turn around and complain about others judging them. Clearly this is not something that magically solves itself with secrecy and inaction. Changing societal mindset takes work, it doesn't come easy. I have more respect for people who brave the potential scrutiny than those who hide from it.

I think openly going through this journey also help others in regard to keeping track of what they eat and better managing their lives regarding preventative care. Let's face it, Americans avoid it due to the consideration of cost over health, something since moving to Canada seems utterly heinous. In my case I've already seen the influence I've had on others with regard to health and WLS, it's a validation that the path I'm walking is the right one, not just for the benefit of myself but others as well.

Edited June 15, 20179 yr by PatientEleventyBillion

I want to clarify. I am not telling anyone I am HAVING the surgery, I do not know how I will be after the surgery. Also although many people here have support from friends and family, many of us have not had that support. I am here in this forum because my two sisters whom I am very close to, do not know. When I tried to open the subject they completely shut me down. Just as my neighbor who I am close to. When I couldn't tell the people I am closest to, how could I tell anyone else? Will things change once I have the surgery, I don't know. I do know that both my sisters live out of yown. We are planning a trip for Christmas. I will deal with it when I see them. Will they still poo poo it? I don't know, maybr. My nieces mother told her. You could have just pushed back ftom the table instead of mutilating yourself. When there is no support, you can't know how cruel it is to hear some of the things that are said.
I don't want any negativity while I am going through this. Perhaps after the first 25lbs...I just might be like. Yeah, I had wls, what's it to you? I have no intention of making people think I did this without surgery. I just don't want to tell them I am doing it.
God bless all of you who have support. You can't imagine how hard it is, when you don't have it.

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I guess this is such, a difficult thing because I have faced this in another situation all my life. Ok here,we go, coffee and tmi.
I am married 38yrs. We have no children by choice. You cannot imagine the things that have been said to me because we chose to not have children. I have fielded those ugly remarks all my life. My response was always the same. "Children are a lifelong commitment and I chose not to take on that responsibility." I never though that made me selfish, but rather that I understood what having children would require of me and I knew what I would need to do and chose not to. Does that make me less of a woman, selfish, or uncaring? No not at all, but it's the least of what I have told.,by people who are close. Sometimes you don't always get roses and candy from everyone around you. Thank God for my husband, who from day 1 when I mentioned it, said, "babe, let's check it out and learn about it and if you make the decision to do it, I am 100% with you."
Needless to say I cried tears of happiness when we went to my first app together.
This has been a long 6 month wait. All the approvals, all the visits. At this point, down to the wire to get my date in July, I am going in secretly.
One thing I do know. If my journey inspires someone else. I will be there right with them along the way with all the support I can give.
Such am emotional moment and I know there will be more.
Coffee is cold now...thank you all who come here to lend support, who give your whole journey to us as an open book. You cannot begin to imagine how precious that is. Love you all.

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personally, I told everyone that I speak to including co workers. But I'm closer to them working in the medical field some of them have even worked on the floor was on post op. Some may judge but that's ok. I know that this was my decision and most of them were very supportive. If you feel comfortable enough when someone asks you could say "I had surgery but I'm fine, thanks for asking". Keep it vague. Or for the amount of time it could be anything such as a badly sprained ankle. Or simply personal family business and I'd rather not discuss it.

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Great point, K_aane! Like the saying goes "To each is own."

Oh, I also waited until after surgery! But that was because I was having serious insurance issues and was concerned it wasn't going to go through. >___< I told my mom she wasn't allowed to tell any family until after I'd gone under -- but once I had, it was open season baby!!!