The statistics were against me. I went to the hospital completely unsure if I would have the courage to go through with my surgery, and terrified I would die. No one... I promise you, NO ONE, ever wanted to have bariatric surgery less than I. I was an emotional food addict whose life had shrunk so much that food was my entire social life. I weighed 367.8 pounds, had out of control diabetes, and could no longer walk across my own kitchen on most days. I needed both knees replaced and my doctor refused to do it until I lost a lot of weight.

The night before my surgery I was alone in the house and I sobbed a funeral dirge for my best friend, food. I was certain I would lose my mind without it.

My friends, are you hesitating?? Struggling? Regretting?? If you can stay with me, read on.

I will tell you that after the first month there hasn't been one day in five years that I haven't thought, "I never could have done this before."

My journey has been difficult, and you will have your struggles, too. The first year, I cared for and buried my beloved sister--my "person" in this world--who died in my arms. The second year, I had my right knee replaced. The third year, my left knee. My weight loss stalled, but I never gave up. The fourth year, my father died and right afterwards, my husband almost died and needed months of nursing.

I didn't tell you all that to whine. I told you in order to try to put some context to my life, because in spite of all that sorrow and pain, I am filled with joy. I have taken back my life, and you can, too.

When I came out of my surgery, I vowed that having taken the drastic step of altering my body, I was going to be all in. I have honored that vow.

I had to learn to walk again. Now I am a landscape, wedding and portrait photographer.

I had to accept that I couldn't go on vacation and eat like the old me without gaining back weight it took me months to lose. Now I usually drop a couple of pounds on vacation, and I have one thing every day that I really want. To eat, that is!! I get to have experiences instead of food now!

I had to accept that carbs are not part of my daily eating. But I have learned to actually prefer zucchini spaghetti!!

Most importantly, I learned that no one will ever abuse me again. And that includes me.

I learned that emotional eating may feel like self care, but it is self destruction, and self destruction and self preservation can never exist side by side.

Last year, I photographed the cliffs of Maine, the mountains of West Virginia (going by rope down to the waterfalls), beaches in the Carolinas, and so many other things. (Check out my stuff at mlwolfephotos.com if you are inclined!).

I could babble on and on...

Today, I am at my lowest weight in 34 years. I have not met my weight loss goal. I'm still just over 200 pounds--a weight many people begin this journey at!! It may take me a year, but I'll get there.

On January 1st I turned 60, and I cried. A lot. I didn't cry because I was 60. I cried because I wasted so many years... My 30s... My 40s...half my 50s. I cannot get them back. But I have what's left, and I will cherish each breath.

So, I lost much of my stomach. I lost 153 pounds. I gained the world.

I wish that for each and every one of you! May you work to make all your dreams come true!

Attaching a few pics, not just of what I look(ed) like, but of who I am!!!

Thanks for writing this. I'm getting sleeved tomorrow and I'm simultaneously ready and not ready. The thought of backing out has crossed my mind several times, but only for a moment each time. I know this is the right thing for me to do.

The past 18 months of my life have been like your last 5 years; there has been so much death and so much loss in my family. Every time I lose someone else, I tell myself that I have to go on, I have to keep breathing and putting one foot in front of the other, but that I will not be able to do it if this happens again. Yet it keeps happening.

In a way, though, this is what tells me I can do this. I've lost so much already. I'm ready to lose all the weight that is holding me back. And I don't want to wait until I need joint replacements, until I have diabetes, etc.

More than anything, I don't want my daughter and my partner to have to lose me early due to heart disease or liver disease or any of the many things that are statistically more likely when you are morbidly obese.

Your story and your pictures are amazing! I can't wait to see what I can do when I've conquered my food addiction.

Sent from my Nexus 5X using the BariatricPal App

You can do this!! Please feel free to reach out to me! Food is an addiction for us, and when you are in the throes of your addiction you cannot imagine being truly happy without it. But I am only TRULY happy when I am not in my addiction. It will be fine! Not every minute, but overall! I'll be thinking of you!!!

All I could think of when I read your story is, "How do I share this with my mom (who is 60 with cancer three times over) in hopes that once she's battled this last round, will she do something about her weight and have a life?" She gets angry when we mention food addictions and has every excuse in the book about why she has to eat what she does. Did you ever find yourself like that during your addiction to food? I would love to say I have hope with my mom, but unfortunately, I really don't. I think she's giving up. But I am so happy and thankful, you, a stranger, did not! Thank you for this. Your words about not abusing yourself anymore rang very LOUD and CLEAR to myself. My heart is tingling. I didn't think I'd ever tear up, but I did over that. Thank you for sharing with us, me. You've truly touched lives. May God bless you hon.

Yes, I got angry. I believed no one really understood how hard I was always trying (I was!!! But would give up so easily!) I said I would NEVER give up carbs, that eliminating an entire food group could only be unhealthy! I said I would NEVER have surgery! The problem is that you can't tell your mom what to do because she will devote a lot of emotional energy into being in control, especially at a time where cancer has made her relinquish all other control! She has to want it for herself. All you can do is love her while you have her and try to accept that whether from cancer or her weight, you might not have her for a lot of years! Please read my post to her, and tell her that I understand. The nature of addiction is that it thrives on denial and seduces you into believing you will never, ever, be happy without it. Weight loss surgery gives you an opportunity to break free, but the addiction is always a voice inside you. I found something that gave me far more joy. I have struggled! I've gained weight here and there! I fight food longing every single day, but I am no longer motivated or rewarded by food, if that makes sense.

I would make one suggestion to both of you! I suggest you offer to sign her up for this site, and ask her, out of love and respect for you, to commit to reading here every day for a set time... 3 months?? And then you could stop trying, knowing that she is well informed. And I would suggest to her that she realise there may come a day where her daughter is without a mom, and it will be a great comfort then to know that you did everything you could.

My heart is with you and your mom. It's so hard.

Wow you look stunning!! Thank you for sharing your journey. You truly are an inspiration!! Big hugs to you and thanks for showing me that life is there to be grabbed and can be wonderful again. Lots of love x

Mandi xx

Wow.

You have captured the heart and soul of so many people post-op and gave a voice to the amazing experience of truly living. Just living. I am 4 months post-op and can say many of the things you have said. I didn't realize how heavy I was and how many things in life I couldn't do or experience. I have to have a cocktail dress for an event and was nervous about shopping. It was so gratifying to find many dresses in regular sizes and actually have them all fit! So much fun. I am going to share your post with several people in my life that need this. Thank you so much...please keep writing and inspiring!!

Sent from my SM-N920V using the BariatricPal App

I'm so happy for you!! It is still my dream to be able to wear regular clothes. Still in a women's 18! But I remember how incredibly excited I was to be able to fit in clothes from Lane Bryant! At one time, there wasn't a single store I could shop in. And last fall I went shopping in Manhattan! I think I may have to get some things lopped off, but I can't stand the thought of wasting weeks recovering.

I hope you find a fabulous dress!!

All I could think of when I read your story is, "How do I share this with my mom (who is 60 with cancer three times over) in hopes that once she's battled this last round, will she do something about her weight and have a life?" She gets angry when we mention food addictions and has every excuse in the book about why she has to eat what she does. Did you ever find yourself like that during your addiction to food? I would love to say I have hope with my mom, but unfortunately, I really don't. I think she's giving up. But I am so happy and thankful, you, a stranger, did not! Thank you for this. Your words about not abusing yourself anymore rang very LOUD and CLEAR to myself. My heart is tingling. I didn't think I'd ever tear up, but I did over that. Thank you for sharing with us, me. You've truly touched lives. May God bless you hon.

Yes, I got angry. I believed no one really understood how hard I was always trying (I was!!! But would give up so easily!) I said I would NEVER give up carbs, that eliminating an entire food group could only be unhealthy! I said I would NEVER have surgery! The problem is that you can't tell your mom what to do because she will devote a lot of emotional energy into being in control, especially at a time where cancer has made her relinquish all other control! She has to want it for herself. All you can do is love her while you have her and try to accept that whether from cancer or her weight, you might not have her for a lot of years! Please read my post to her, and tell her that I understand. The nature of addiction is that it thrives on denial and seduces you into believing you will never, ever, be happy without it. Weight loss surgery gives you an opportunity to break free, but the addiction is always a voice inside you. I found something that gave me far more joy. I have struggled! I've gained weight here and there! I fight food longing every single day, but I am no longer motivated or rewarded by food, if that makes sense.

I would make one suggestion to both of you! I suggest you offer to sign her up for this site, and ask her, out of love and respect for you, to commit to reading here every day for a set time... 3 months?? And then you could stop trying, knowing that she is well informed. And I would suggest to her that she realise there may come a day where her daughter is without a mom, and it will be a great comfort then to know that you did everything you could.

My heart is with you and your mom. It's so hard.

You described yourself as my mom!!!! Very similar! Wow!! I am not sure how to even go about bringing up this site though, only because I haven't told her I'm having surgery. In fact, my parents are the last people I would tell. Sad, I know. I had mentioned wls to her maybe ten years ago (before cancer) and she wouldn't have it. I think she's more afraid of my dad's opinions (and he's VERY opinionated). Imagine a woman who hates to exercise and has a food addiction married to a man for 42 years who is all about taking care of the body, exercise, etc. they're exact opposites and terrible for each other. Wow, I'm amazed I even said that. I love my parents but, well, they've got issues. Besides all of that, I think I've done enough (although not giving up) to share my concerns with my mom. She goes silent on me if I mention better eating habits or whatever. But like you said, she's got to want to do it herself. I've just been planting seeds in hopes that the idea grows in her. On another hand, I'd be amazed if she lasts through another year. so I'll enjoy my mom as much as I can. Only comfort I have is that she's got Jesus and I know she'll be in heaven when it's her time, pain free and happy, with a new body.

Thank you again for your words of encouragement. It'll be something I need to pray about, letting her know about the site and my surgery as well. Have a blessed day!

Oh, one of the reasons I'm having surgery is not to end up like my mom. She's always told me to not be like her, so I'm doing something of it.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Edited January 26, 20179 yr by Newme17

All I could think of when I read your story is, "How do I share this with my mom (who is 60 with cancer three times over) in hopes that once she's battled this last round, will she do something about her weight and have a life?" She gets angry when we mention food addictions and has every excuse in the book about why she has to eat what she does. Did you ever find yourself like that during your addiction to food? I would love to say I have hope with my mom, but unfortunately, I really don't. I think she's giving up. But I am so happy and thankful, you, a stranger, did not! Thank you for this. Your words about not abusing yourself anymore rang very LOUD and CLEAR to myself. My heart is tingling. I didn't think I'd ever tear up, but I did over that. Thank you for sharing with us, me. You've truly touched lives. May God bless you hon.

Yes, I got angry. I believed no one really understood how hard I was always trying (I was!!! But would give up so easily!) I said I would NEVER give up carbs, that eliminating an entire food group could only be unhealthy! I said I would NEVER have surgery! The problem is that you can't tell your mom what to do because she will devote a lot of emotional energy into being in control, especially at a time where cancer has made her relinquish all other control! She has to want it for herself. All you can do is love her while you have her and try to accept that whether from cancer or her weight, you might not have her for a lot of years! Please read my post to her, and tell her that I understand. The nature of addiction is that it thrives on denial and seduces you into believing you will never, ever, be happy without it. Weight loss surgery gives you an opportunity to break free, but the addiction is always a voice inside you. I found something that gave me far more joy. I have struggled! I've gained weight here and there! I fight food longing every single day, but I am no longer motivated or rewarded by food, if that makes sense.

I would make one suggestion to both of you! I suggest you offer to sign her up for this site, and ask her, out of love and respect for you, to commit to reading here every day for a set time... 3 months?? And then you could stop trying, knowing that she is well informed. And I would suggest to her that she realise there may come a day where her daughter is without a mom, and it will be a great comfort then to know that you did everything you could.

My heart is with you and your mom. It's so hard.

You described yourself as my mom!!!! Very similar! Wow!! I am not sure how to even go about bringing up this site though, only because I haven't told her I'm having surgery. In fact, my parents are the last people I would tell. Sad, I know. I had mentioned wls to her maybe ten years ago (before cancer) and she wouldn't have it. I think she's more afraid of my dad's opinions (and he's VERY opinionated). Imagine a woman who hates to exercise and has a food addiction married to a man for 42 years who is all about taking care of the body, exercise, etc. they're exact opposites and terrible for each other. Wow, I'm amazed I even said that. I love my parents but, well, they've got issues. Besides all of that, I think I've done enough (although not giving up) to share my concerns with my mom. She goes silent on me if I mention better eating habits or whatever. But like you said, she's got to want to do it herself. I've just been planting seeds in hopes that the idea grows in her. On another hand, I'd be amazed if she lasts through another year. so I'll enjoy my mom as much as I can. Only comfort I have is that she's got Jesus and I know she'll be in heaven when it's her time, pain free and happy, with a new body.

Thank you again for your words of encouragement. It'll be something I need to pray about, letting her know about the site and my surgery as well. Have a blessed day!

Oh, one of the reasons I'm having surgery is not to end up like my mom. She's always told me to not be like her, so I'm doing something of it.

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

Yes, I can imagine that, because my husband was in the Army for 27 years. And we had a lot of issues involving control, but I took control of my own life and now he's my biggest supporter.

I feel your pain... I'm sorry... Be on your own journey and just love your mom.

Congratulations! I agree. I lost about a decade of my life being morbidly obese. I can't reclaim those years, but I have a wonderful future. Your pictures are amazing!

Thank you for sharing your journey I am now beginning mine I sleeved January 13th will start puree diet on January 27th Thank you very much and may you continue to be Bless

Sent from my SM-G935P using the BariatricPal App

How are you doing, Kim?

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using the BariatricPal App

For all of you who are battling food addiction, you may want to check out this movie. It is on Netflix and when my husband and I saw it years ago, we ditched fast food, and looked at food differently. Also due to health issues I had we stopped all soda and began juicing fresh vegatables. It makes a big differece. It is called "Hungry for Change". Also look for "Food Matters". Also on Netflix. I know the food addiction, mine is sugar and I battle everyday (just like an alcoholic) to beat it. I often say I want to go to alcholics anon...and learn theit process...but.....they give out donuts!!!!!÷lol, I know it's not funny but it is and let me tell you when you are going through a tough journey...learn to laugh...it really helps. I waited a whole year 1/2 of doing research to make this decision. I am 57....I gave it to God.

Sent from my SAMSUNG-SM-G900A using the BariatricPal App

Awesome story I have so many things you said are so similar to how I feel 3 weeks out from surgery.

I really needed to read this tonight thank you so much for sharing. God Bless

Sent from my Bat Phone using the BariatricPal App

Beautifully written, thank you for sharing your journey. I could feel the emotion in your words. Your photography is also stunning.

Continue to live life fully.

The statistics were against me. I went to the hospital completely unsure if I would have the courage to go through with my surgery, and terrified I would die. No one... I promise you, NO ONE, ever wanted to have bariatric surgery less than I. I was an emotional food addict whose life had shrunk so much that food was my entire social life. I weighed 367.8 pounds, had out of control diabetes, and could no longer walk across my own kitchen on most days. I needed both knees replaced and my doctor refused to do it until I lost a lot of weight.

The night before my surgery I was alone in the house and I sobbed a funeral dirge for my best friend, food. I was certain I would lose my mind without it.

My friends, are you hesitating?? Struggling? Regretting?? If you can stay with me, read on.

I will tell you that after the first month there hasn't been one day in five years that I haven't thought, "I never could have done this before."

My journey has been difficult, and you will have your struggles, too. The first year, I cared for and buried my beloved sister--my "person" in this world--who died in my arms. The second year, I had my right knee replaced. The third year, my left knee. My weight loss stalled, but I never gave up. The fourth year, my father died and right afterwards, my husband almost died and needed months of nursing.

I didn't tell you all that to whine. I told you in order to try to put some context to my life, because in spite of all that sorrow and pain, I am filled with joy. I have taken back my life, and you can, too.

When I came out of my surgery, I vowed that having taken the drastic step of altering my body, I was going to be all in. I have honored that vow.

I had to learn to walk again. Now I am a landscape, wedding and portrait photographer.

I had to accept that I couldn't go on vacation and eat like the old me without gaining back weight it took me months to lose. Now I usually drop a couple of pounds on vacation, and I have one thing every day that I really want. To eat, that is!! I get to have experiences instead of food now!

I had to accept that carbs are not part of my daily eating. But I have learned to actually prefer zucchini spaghetti!!

Most importantly, I learned that no one will ever abuse me again. And that includes me.

I learned that emotional eating may feel like self care, but it is self destruction, and self destruction and self preservation can never exist side by side.

Last year, I photographed the cliffs of Maine, the mountains of West Virginia (going by rope down to the waterfalls), beaches in the Carolinas, and so many other things. (Check out my stuff at mlwolfephotos.com if you are inclined!).

I could babble on and on...

Today, I am at my lowest weight in 34 years. I have not met my weight loss goal. I'm still just over 200 pounds--a weight many people begin this journey at!! It may take me a year, but I'll get there.

On January 1st I turned 60, and I cried. A lot. I didn't cry because I was 60. I cried because I wasted so many years... My 30s... My 40s...half my 50s. I cannot get them back. But I have what's left, and I will cherish each breath. That's as BEAUTIFUL AS YOU ARE!!! Woooow....Gr8 work. Thanks for your story. God bless

So, I lost much of my stomach. I lost 153 pounds. I gained the world.

I wish that for each and every one of you! May you work to make all your dreams come true!

Attaching a few pics, not just of what I look(ed) like, but of who I am!!!

Sent from my iPad using the BariatricPal App

I love your writing style and determination. You are amazing!

I'm getting sleeved on Monday, hope to iyh have great results.

Sent from my SM-G935T using the BariatricPal App

Thank you for sharing your journey. You are inspiring.

An incredible awe inspiring post. Thank yo for sharing your five years of such positive weight loss experience.