The statistics were against me. I went to the hospital completely unsure if I would have the courage to go through with my surgery, and terrified I would die. No one... I promise you, NO ONE, ever wanted to have bariatric surgery less than I. I was an emotional food addict whose life had shrunk so much that food was my entire social life. I weighed 367.8 pounds, had out of control diabetes, and could no longer walk across my own kitchen on most days. I needed both knees replaced and my doctor refused to do it until I lost a lot of weight.
The night before my surgery I was alone in the house and I sobbed a funeral dirge for my best friend, food. I was certain I would lose my mind without it.
My friends, are you hesitating?? Struggling? Regretting?? If you can stay with me, read on.
I will tell you that after the first month there hasn't been one day in five years that I haven't thought, "I never could have done this before."
My journey has been difficult, and you will have your struggles, too. The first year, I cared for and buried my beloved sister--my "person" in this world--who died in my arms. The second year, I had my right knee replaced. The third year, my left knee. My weight loss stalled, but I never gave up. The fourth year, my father died and right afterwards, my husband almost died and needed months of nursing.
I didn't tell you all that to whine. I told you in order to try to put some context to my life, because in spite of all that sorrow and pain, I am filled with joy. I have taken back my life, and you can, too.
When I came out of my surgery, I vowed that having taken the drastic step of altering my body, I was going to be all in. I have honored that vow.
I had to learn to walk again. Now I am a landscape, wedding and portrait photographer.
I had to accept that I couldn't go on vacation and eat like the old me without gaining back weight it took me months to lose. Now I usually drop a couple of pounds on vacation, and I have one thing every day that I really want. To eat, that is!! I get to have experiences instead of food now!
I had to accept that carbs are not part of my daily eating. But I have learned to actually prefer zucchini spaghetti!!
Most importantly, I learned that no one will ever abuse me again. And that includes me.
I learned that emotional eating may feel like self care, but it is self destruction, and self destruction and self preservation can never exist side by side.
Last year, I photographed the cliffs of Maine, the mountains of West Virginia (going by rope down to the waterfalls), beaches in the Carolinas, and so many other things. (Check out my stuff at mlwolfephotos.com if you are inclined!).
I could babble on and on...
Today, I am at my lowest weight in 34 years. I have not met my weight loss goal. I'm still just over 200 pounds--a weight many people begin this journey at!! It may take me a year, but I'll get there.
On January 1st I turned 60, and I cried. A lot. I didn't cry because I was 60. I cried because I wasted so many years... My 30s... My 40s...half my 50s. I cannot get them back. But I have what's left, and I will cherish each breath.
So, I lost much of my stomach. I lost 153 pounds. I gained the world.
I wish that for each and every one of you! May you work to make all your dreams come true!
Attaching a few pics, not just of what I look(ed) like, but of who I am!!!
The statistics were against me. I went to the hospital completely unsure if I would have the courage to go through with my surgery, and terrified I would die. No one... I promise you, NO ONE, ever wanted to have bariatric surgery less than I. I was an emotional food addict whose life had shrunk so much that food was my entire social life. I weighed 367.8 pounds, had out of control diabetes, and could no longer walk across my own kitchen on most days. I needed both knees replaced and my doctor refused to do it until I lost a lot of weight.
The night before my surgery I was alone in the house and I sobbed a funeral dirge for my best friend, food. I was certain I would lose my mind without it.
My friends, are you hesitating?? Struggling? Regretting?? If you can stay with me, read on.
I will tell you that after the first month there hasn't been one day in five years that I haven't thought, "I never could have done this before."
My journey has been difficult, and you will have your struggles, too. The first year, I cared for and buried my beloved sister--my "person" in this world--who died in my arms. The second year, I had my right knee replaced. The third year, my left knee. My weight loss stalled, but I never gave up. The fourth year, my father died and right afterwards, my husband almost died and needed months of nursing.
I didn't tell you all that to whine. I told you in order to try to put some context to my life, because in spite of all that sorrow and pain, I am filled with joy. I have taken back my life, and you can, too.
When I came out of my surgery, I vowed that having taken the drastic step of altering my body, I was going to be all in. I have honored that vow.
I had to learn to walk again. Now I am a landscape, wedding and portrait photographer.
I had to accept that I couldn't go on vacation and eat like the old me without gaining back weight it took me months to lose. Now I usually drop a couple of pounds on vacation, and I have one thing every day that I really want. To eat, that is!! I get to have experiences instead of food now!
I had to accept that carbs are not part of my daily eating. But I have learned to actually prefer zucchini spaghetti!!
Most importantly, I learned that no one will ever abuse me again. And that includes me.
I learned that emotional eating may feel like self care, but it is self destruction, and self destruction and self preservation can never exist side by side.
Last year, I photographed the cliffs of Maine, the mountains of West Virginia (going by rope down to the waterfalls), beaches in the Carolinas, and so many other things. (Check out my stuff at mlwolfephotos.com if you are inclined!).
I could babble on and on...
Today, I am at my lowest weight in 34 years. I have not met my weight loss goal. I'm still just over 200 pounds--a weight many people begin this journey at!! It may take me a year, but I'll get there.
On January 1st I turned 60, and I cried. A lot. I didn't cry because I was 60. I cried because I wasted so many years... My 30s... My 40s...half my 50s. I cannot get them back. But I have what's left, and I will cherish each breath.
So, I lost much of my stomach. I lost 153 pounds. I gained the world.
I wish that for each and every one of you! May you work to make all your dreams come true!
Attaching a few pics, not just of what I look(ed) like, but of who I am!!!