Family gathers make me depressed

[ameme 5]

So I'm spending time with my mom's side of the family from the 5th-25th and so far it's been hell. I've been depressed since I got here and being around them is no fun because all they do is eat and I cannot eat like they do. I just can't feel the joy they get out of eating and being around each other. I feel alone, stressed and really sad. I can't go home until the 25th and I don't know what I'm going to do on Thanksgiving. I don't crave any of the foods like stuffing, turkey, etc and they're all going to be eating and be happy. I just don't get any joy out of eating anymore. I don't know what to do. I'm at the point where I'm crying so much in the bathroom that my face hurts and I've even biten myself to make myself stop crying. I haven't self harmed since 2013. I am taking my meds for bipolar disorder but it's just not working.

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[Djmohr 6,965]

@@ameme

Have you tried talking with a therapist about your feelings? I do know in the beginning it is hard to get past alot of the changes you must make to your life to be successful.

Some day, you will look forward to eating again. It comes a bit further down the road but it does come. Use the time with your family not to think about the food but more the conversation.

I honestly wish i could have time with my parents again. I lost them both while they were too young. It is one of the reasons i chose to have WLS so that I would be there for my children and grandchildren.

Take a deep breath and try to leverage the time you have for reasons other than food. It will get better.

[ameme 5]

@@ameme

Have you tried talking with a therapist about your feelings? I do know in the beginning it is hard to get past alot of the changes you must make to your life to be successful.

Some day, you will look forward to eating again. It comes a bit further down the road but it does come. Use the time with your family not to think about the food but more the conversation.

I honestly wish i could have time with my parents again. I lost them both while they were too young. It is one of the reasons i chose to have WLS so that I would be there for my children and grandchildren.

Take a deep breath and try to leverage the time you have for reasons other than food. It will get better.

Thank you. I have a new therapist but she's not very good, she just let's me talk and talk and doesn't say a word. I am going to change therapist when I get back.

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[StephanieS0208 39]

I feel the same. It sucks and makes you think that you can't do anything without food or drinks being involved.

I have thought several times to myself "I should have pushed this into January 2017." Hindsight is 20/20. I feel you so much.

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[ameme 5]

I feel the same. It sucks and makes you think that you can't do anything without food or drinks being involved.

I have thought several times to myself "I should have pushed this into January 2017." Hindsight is 20/20. I feel you so much.

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I feel like the surgery took the joy out of eating but I'm glad I got it. My family can't seem to understand that I cannot eat like I used to. They still slab big portions on my plate and then get mad when I eat less than half of it. I try to explain to them that I cannot eat that much and some foods I can't eat at all like pork. It's like they don't want to understand.

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[RonnieRab 31]

You are focused on the food aspect. I feel like you need to change your mind set. Just enjoy the family.

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[ProudGrammy 8,322]

I feel alone, stressed and really sad

@@ameme

IMO its good that now you aren't craving this yummy food

you don't want to eat that "nasty" heavenly food

not wanting to eat stuff helps being around all that food

i do understand it might be frustrating to see all that food around the table

it is hard being around people that are eating and eating and eating more

you are the one that is adapting to a new life with less food etc

they don't need to change, you can't expect them to

buttttt... they could be more considerate!!

you "sound" like a youngun

take your own portion, don't let mom over stuff your plate

other people are good at that

try and keep your head up

gently remind people about your situation

some might care - others might say yeah your point

take care hun

try and keep your spirits up

while your weight goes down

good luck bud

kathy

[Djmohr 6,965]

I definitely never ever let anyone make up my plate. That just wont work long term for you. The reason i say that, as time goes by you will be able to eat more food and because it is there, likely you will.

In the beginning I measured everything until i got used to what a real portion for me looks like. Now i can eyeball what food i can eat and am pretty good about not overeating.

Even when i order in a restaurant i have learned to ask for a to go box and remove most of the food off of my plate right away. I do this because, i dont want to over eat and for some reason my husband is on a seefood diet. if he sees more food he will eat it. LOL and my weight loss has become his weight gain! So we have gotten good at sharing or stashing the extras away.

Just tell Mom you would like to fill your own plate and choose only items you can and should eat. Protein and veggies....

I promise, you will get the hang of this.

[theantichick 2,204]

My husband is the only person I let plate my food. Mainly because he's being a sweetheart and really is working to get used to the small amount I eat. I would start there.

As for the rest of it, are you somewhere that you can take walks? Just getting out of the situation for 20-30 minutes with fresh air would probably help you feel better.

[gowalking 10,790]

They probably don't mean to but they are sabotaging you. I agree...self plate and try to not let the things that hurt you come through. I know it's easier said that done...family knows how to push your buttons but please don't self harm. And just so you know...next year everything will be different once they see how improved you and your life have become.

[TheCurvyJones 721]

Also you should have someone that you can talk to, if not your mom, a cousin... someone. At least your mom should know how unhappy you're feeling. Get those feels out...we can't eat them anymore.

Also if it bothered me a lot I probably wouldn't be around them during meal times. I mean I know they're eating all day, but volunteering to clean the kitchen, go for a walk, make sure the kids table is all good... distraction distraction distraction. Over time you will develop these tools to help you through.

Definitely switch therapists. They are supposed to be helping you.

[Seevan 32]

First of all your not suppose to be keeping up with your family's eating habits. This is not a competition. This eating is for your health. Stop looking at what U can't eat. Look at what U can eat. U letting your family think U missing something because U not gorging out your mine. Your thoughts are making U sick. Love yourself through this process. Eat the right foods in the amounts. If we all were doing the right thing to began with this surgery wouldn't be necessary for some of us. It's a tool. Change your mind about your life. Don't hurt your precious body. It's all you got. Take time to learn, get a new therapist that challenges U to grow and manage this eating thing. Family won't change. So U change. They may never understand. That's ok .. as long as you do.... Love U today.

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[mariernest 32]

Being the hostesses helper will help mom, keep you in motion make you the favorite. When one of my daughters comes home, she cleans, purges my junk and rearranges till I feel like a queen and takes so much stress off me during the holidays. I find time for just the two of us to go to a coffee shop or get a mani pedi etc Takes my mind off food too.

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