Privacy, dealing with comments, Holiday eating

[Babbs 14,681]

Funny. I have been wondering how I will deal with these same questions...I'm on day 5 so hasn't come up.

I have a coworker who lost a bunch of weight a couple years ago. I "think" I know she had WLS, but she didn't offer and it really wasn't anyone's business.

I do remember she would load a plate of food....eat slowly (slower than others so she was eating about the same amount of time)....and then Use her napkin to cover her plate when she was done. I'm a freakishly observant person, so only I picked up how much food was under her napkin. I plan to use that trick.

I'm just going to say "thanks, I've been working hard" and if they want to think something else or gossip about me/etc, shame on them. It's really nobody's business but yours.

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You know what's funny about your comment "I 'think' I know she had WLS"? I honestly think most people figure it out. Most of us who think people don't know? I'd be willing to bet they do.

[SleevedStephanie 1]

Thanks for all the responses...just had another coworker comment on my weight just now. I have been at work for less than an hour and I have had three people say something. It really is starting to wear down on me.

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[Aggiemae 739]

Great question. I'm only 2 weeks out but worry about these things toom

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I went back to work today and after 3 weeks already down a dress size.

I don't tell people my personal business. If anyone who isn't a close friend or trusted family member is rude enough to ask I tell them I'm on a strict medically supervised diet. Which is far mortgage that they need to know.

[sleeveisa 333]

Well thank you for your response. I understand your point. Yes, I agree the surgeons office should have better answers when it comes to people asking why we r not eating enough. Good luck to u too.

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[gowalking 10,790]

Thanks for all the responses...just had another coworker comment on my weight just now. I have been at work for less than an hour and I have had three people say something. It really is starting to wear down on me.

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It's people who know/knew us as heavy who make comments obviously and who say we are too thin. Hang in there..it will stop. I'm almost four years out and had the same thing to the extreme. I was out on disability for two months and then out again shortly thereafter also due to medical issues. By the time I got back to the office on a regular basis, lots of folks didn't recognize me at all. Really. They only knew who I was when I started to talk. It was very disturbing to say the least. Fast forward a couple of years, and no one remembers me when I was heavy. No one comments anymore, and everyone is used to me now. It will happen to you as well...just give it time.

[Armygalbonnie 643]

I would just say, "I really can't eat much today. Ever since I woke up this morning, everything I've eaten has come out one end or the other." That will shut them up!

[BayougirlMrsS 3,939]

@@SleevedStephanie Sweetie... don't let the "negative-ninnies" get to you... I know it is hard. Word do hurt and when the comments are about our personal appearance... it plays with our hearts and heads. I would look at it as a compliment... and when they say... your too thin, say Thanks, You really think i'm thin.. Yeah me!!!

Im sure you are looking amazing and they maybe a little (are a lot) Jelly.....

[2ndSpring 350]

The world has become so weight obsessed that when someone loses weight, people will either react with curiosity (because they want to duplicate what you did) or with negativity (because they are jealous). In either case, these are their issues to deal with, not yours. If they can console themselves by pretending you've lost too much weight, then they don't have to confront their own issues.

The tongue waggers in your office need a diversion. Haha, you could sleep with the office hottie and give them something new to talk about. LOL - just kidding, don't do that.

[Candygyrl 637]

I love @@Bufflehead comment. I think I'm going to copy and paste that to my life and incorporate that into my explanations. Anyways I understand the concern and the frustration. I wouldn't worry about thanksgiving people are so busy talking and doing everything else they don't hardly pay attention to whats on your plate. I keep myself busy by helping with setup and fixing plates for the older family members. By the time I start eating most will be on their 2nd and 3rd plates. LOL!

[Djmohr 6,965]

Seriously dont let those comments get to you, they will come to an end when people get used to seeing you at your new slim weight.

Most of the time it is just shocking how fast it happens when they are not used to seeing your collar bones, shoulder bones and missing chins.....

After a while, people even forget you were ever fat to begin with. There have been several times now when I have met with doctors or nurses (bad back) and i tell them that my back has gotten worse since losing all this weight. The next question is usually how much weight have you lost?

Then i say 152lbs and i only weigh 158, they do a double take and usually will say, I never would have guessed you were ever heavy.

LOL, then i say thats because I still have my clothes on. Hahahaha.....

Anyway, i have shown a few of them a before pic and i am told that they would never recognize me that heavy.

Then those that have not seen me since, dont recognize me at all.

I am with @@Babbs on this one. I believe most people figure it out whether you tell them or not. They may not say anything but they suspect when they see how little you eat.

As for the people at your job that keep making comments. Maybe throw a very personal question back at them and see how they respond. They will get the hint that this is a personal topic for you and you no longer want to talk about it.

Believe it or not, they may simply be thinking they are complimenting you when it fact its annoying and hurtful. I have this guy I work with who had not seen me in 2 years and now has seen me once a month for the past 3 months. He literally is shocked at how different i look and he stammers and is not good at compliments. Its been funny to watch him and of course doesnt bother me a bit because I am used to it.

[sleeveisa 333]

Please don't take the comments to serious, they r jealous and no support for you. We r hear for you.

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[LittleBill 2,231]

Depending on how I regard the other person, my answer will range from blunt:

"That's on a need to know basis and you don't need to know."

to a little less blunt, but still direct:

"Why do you want to know that?"

or if the person is persistently rude:

"Why do you think my health is any of your business?"

You can be a little more diplomatic and just say:

"I am not comfortable discussing that (with you)."

You could also cough a few times and mention your recent diagnosis for AIDS, hepatitis, or some other disease, but be prepared for some backlash on that one.

I realize this may not work for everyone. Usually responding to a question with a question will stop a lot of people, but it seems to me that there are more people than not who need to be smacked between the eyes just to get their attention. Total strangers seem to have no restraint in making comments or asking invasive questions. Coworkers are not always friends. Heck, friends, by a lot of definitions, really aren't friends. A lot of these will work well for stopping intrusive questions. There is nothing anyone can do about people talking behind their backs though.

Oh, I almost forgot one! I haven't had to use this yet, but I am sure I will, so it is in the tube and ready for launch.

"Yes, I have changed, but you haven't. I lost weight, but I see you are still obnoxious."

Edited November 18, 2016 by LittleBill

[Hello new me 153]

Don't let people get to you. I don't tell anyone that I had surgery. As far as anyone needs to know is I don't eat carbs and run daily. I still get the comments at work all the time about wasting away. My standard reply for the last 6 months is " Yes, I am trying so that you can't find me to ask me questions." It is said in a joking manner. This normally stops that question. I am really not a smart a$$, but hey you can only been asked that question so many times before you are!

[BayougirlMrsS 3,939]

@@LittleBill One of my fav's..... when they say, how much have you lost... i say... how much have you gained?

[LittleBill 2,231]

@@LittleBill One of my fav's..... when they say, how much have you lost... i say... how much have you gained?

One I would love to use, but someone might take me seriously is this:

"Studies show that drinking milk is good for your teeth. Do you know what else is good for your teeth?"

"What?"

"Minding your own business!"

I tend to confront things a little more head on than a lot of people, but I would not threaten someone, no matter how richly they deserve it.