How did WLS effect your marriage...

[Tiffanie13 41]

My now ex-husband had gastric bypass October 2007 and we were separated by August 2008 because he was cheating on me. It really depends on you and your spouse. You can't take my experience and others as what will happen to you. Good luck!

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[Hammer_Down 631]

I think the bottom line is that if there are cracks in your marriage, any major changes can seriously rock the boat.

It's hard to know, in our era speaking frankly is discouraged as rude. Men and women still often have rigid roles, reinforced by the onslaught of media in our lives. TV shows and films play such a large role in many of our love's that even our grandparents could never have understood. When it is perceived as weak or effeminate for men to show their feelings, and bitchy and bossy for women to speak their minds there's little wonder that grievances go unaddressed and problems go unnoticed until they are titanic in size.

[Aggiemae 739]

I'm worried as well. My husband is even heavier than me...although very supportive so far.

I fear though. It's a little bit like alcoholism. When both people drink and one stops or cuts back....how can that not create tension. Even with best intentions, the one who still drinks has loss of their partner in crime....and the one who gets clean watches the other one continue to make poor choices....whether there is judgement on either side or not, there would be perception of judgement.

You have to do what it takes to get yourself heathy and on track and worry about yourself first.

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In my over eaters anonymous group they call this a"food buddy". My husband and I were both normal weight when we meet. We both loved to eat too. The eating won out., around 30 pounds up for him 130 pounds up for me. I have lost the same 100 pounds 7 times in the past 20 years, till it took me 6 months on 1,600 calories a day (2,000) once a week) to lose 15 pounds.

[Candygyrl 637]

@@bayougirlmrsc, well, I hope I don't end up with my husband being like your husband, but I'm upset how things are going. I'm 2 months out and -40 lbs. People are starting to comment with very appropriate compliments, and I get nothing but negative comments now.

I didn't think we'd have a problem with this. My husband didn't say boo about me wanting WLS, although he did say he wished I could have done it "on my own," which as we all know isn't happening if we are at the point of needing surgery. I blew it off.

I was naked last week, and he commented on my surgery scars and said I'd have to get a tattoo to cover up the scars. I said I didn't care; they were fading fast and a light tan would cover them.

The same conversation, I said I'm closing in on 40 lbs, I feel like I'll hit it this week and it's finally starting to show I'm losing weight. He said, yes, you have lost your boobs and they are saggy. You'll need surgery to fix that.

Some friends came over this weekend who hadn't seen me since surgery and were very complimentary (gay guys, but still guys,) and my husband felt compelled to show a video of our kids' swim instructor and point out how good she looked in her bathing suit after having 3 kids.

I called him out on it last night and we fought about it all night and this morning (thereby blowing his plans to fool around. To say I wasn't in the mood is an understatement.)

I said I need to be thrown an occasional bone and compliment versus insults, and he said I expect perfection in a husband and have unrealistic standards of romance and marriage.

To be fair, I got pissed and said I wasn't in LOVE with seeing his 50 year-old saggy old man ass and droopy balls that are now bigger than his penis (yeah, I went there. I was really hurt,) and I asked him, do those comments make you feel "in the mood" and desired as a partner? He got quiet and said, "Oh, so that's how you view me." I said not all of him, but there's things I overlook in HIM and would never make mention of. To which he said why don't I divorce him and get a new stud to fit the bill.

After bickering back and forth via text this morning, he apologized and said he'd try to do better, but this really sticks in my craw. I have always had a higher sex drive than him before surgery, and he's particular anyway about when/where/how we do it, whereas I'm a throw-down kind of gal. Post surgery, I have ZERO sex drive, and IDK if it's a hormone dump gone wrong (since everyone else seems all revved up,) or if the lack of enthusiasm and compliments or appreciation for what I'm doing is killing it for me.

I'm hurt and pissed.

I do know he loves me as a person, despite what I wrote up there. He always compliments me as a good person, wonderful wife and mother, great friend, and all-around do-gooder. He thanks me when I cook and do laundry, and he can be very chivalrous when he wants to. I also out-earn him, and while I could care less and don't mention it, it bothers him greatly. So, IDK if this is insecurity or latent rage at me or what. All I know is he said I'm crazy and need a therapist. I think he's gas lighting me and keeps turning it back on himself like, poor him, I'm this crazy, unreasonable, demanding wife who would like a periodic compliment and to be treated better than the potted plant in the corner.

Girrrrrl.???? I'm so sorry you have to deal with that BS I would never dispespect your husband so I'll just say this... he's jealous and insecure. Everybody else can't be wrong! You are looking good and will only continue to look even better! He will become more insecure and try to tear you down. Dont allow it! You need to be very matter of fact with him not during arguments though. I love you but the way you speak to me is intolerable. You really hurt me when you say things like (fill in the blanks) it makes me feel like you don't value me, like your unattracted to me and most importantly unloved. Well I love me! I think I am beautiful and I have plenty to offer. I chose wls after years of trying- to lose weight so for me this was the hard way. So just think that and if you think you might prefer to be with the swimming instructor good luck to ya!

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[Candygyrl 637]

@@Candygyrl - how is your mother-in-law?

Thanks I was going to post updates by the grace of God she is doing well. She is very stable! She is talking, laughing, eating, She just transferred to rehab on Friday afternoon. So she's getting lots of physical therapy to rebuild her strength after being on a ventilator and drug induced coma for almost 2 weeks. Thanks again for all those concerned!

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[shedo82773 1,236]

I'm worried as well. My husband is even heavier than me...although very supportive so far.

I fear though. It's a little bit like alcoholism. When both people drink and one stops or cuts back....how can that not create tension. Even with best intentions, the one who still drinks has loss of their partner in crime....and the one who gets clean watches the other one continue to make poor choices....whether there is judgement on either side or not, there would be perception of judgement.

You have to do what it takes to get yourself heathy and on track and worry about yourself first.

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In my over eaters anonymous group they call this a"food buddy". My husband and I were both normal weight when we meet. We both loved to eat too. The eating won out., around 30 pounds up for him 130 pounds up for me. I have lost the same 100 pounds 7 times in the past 20 years, till it took me 6 months on 1,600 calories a day (2,000) once a week) to lose 15 pounds.

What you said about food BUDDIES!!! Is so true for myself and my hubby. We started dating and were married within a few months after we met.In the short time together I gained 7#'s. I went from 135#'s to 142#'s. This was something that we both loved FOOD!!! I had my son right after I turned 18. (actually 5 days) I gained 50#'s. But I lost 35#'s the day he was born. Then when I was 23 I became PG again with my daughter. I only gained 35#'s with her but I only lost 13#'s the day she was born, then up, up and up I went until I weighed 285#'s I tried every diet known practically. I would lose many #'s but gained many again. All this time my hubby and I had FOOD STUFF and SEX. Those were our things! It didn't help that he was a big guy. Heck, when we got married he weighed 350#'s but he was solid. He also gained weight with me. He ended up weighing 520#'s. So yes I know how hard it is when you have someone that loves food too. We ate our whole married life together. Hopefully, he can get his weight off now. I had my RNY July 2, 2013. I have been at my goal weight for 2 and 1/2 years. Now if he just gets his weight off maybe we can do more than just eat!!

[theantichick 2,204]

So stranded but...My husband has been "eating for two" since my surgery three weeks ago. He goes up and down about 20 pounds since forever (we got married back when dinosaurs ruled the earth) and is about 30 pounds over ideal weight, but at 6'4" that's not much extra weight.

Still it's disturbing and he his snoring so loud I can hear him with earplugs jammed so far in my ears they touch my brain so I have been sleeping in the guest room.

On Thursday we went to a show and ate at a or cart lot (its a "thing" in Portland). I had a cup of hot mint tea and got a Sharma appetizer plate and ate 10 cc of chicken, 1/2 of a stuffed grape leaf and 5cc of cucumber salad. He ate the rest and a lamb gyro pluses a large routine (french fires with slaughter and pepper jelly sauce) and two pieces of baklava and two cans of soda. This weekend he ate most of a 3 pound pack of bacon and th madhouse a meal service (Green Chef) last night he added two full chicken breasts to the pre proportioned diner for four, though there are only three of us and I my serving is four meals for me.

I want to think I am just paying attention to food but one of our friends, who didn't notice how little I ate made a joke about how much my husband ate. It's only been three weeks since my surgery and my husband did lose his eating buddy but I am worried.

And yes, this is a rant but I would appreciate any insight..

My hubby isn't drastically overweight, but he's put on a little belly since we got married. I also noticed that he feels compelled to eat any food that I leave on my plate, and he's put on a few more pounds since my surgery. I talked to him the other day, and he grew up without enough food and was taught it was wrong not to clear the plate. We agreed that I'm not going to give him my plate anymore, because it's reinforcing bad habits for him. One reason for me having the surgery was so I could get more active with him, go on walks and such. So we're all going to focus on healthy cooking and eating, including better portioning.

[rolosmom7 740]

So stranded but...My husband has been "eating for two" since my surgery three weeks ago. He goes up and down about 20 pounds since forever (we got married back when dinosaurs ruled the earth) and is about 30 pounds over ideal weight, but at 6'4" that's not much extra weight.

Still it's disturbing and he his snoring so loud I can hear him with earplugs jammed so far in my ears they touch my brain so I have been sleeping in the guest room.

On Thursday we went to a show and ate at a or cart lot (its a "thing" in Portland). I had a cup of hot mint tea and got a Sharma appetizer plate and ate 10 cc of chicken, 1/2 of a stuffed grape leaf and 5cc of cucumber salad. He ate the rest and a lamb gyro pluses a large routine (french fires with slaughter and pepper jelly sauce) and two pieces of baklava and two cans of soda. This weekend he ate most of a 3 pound pack of bacon and th madhouse a meal service (Green Chef) last night he added two full chicken breasts to the pre proportioned diner for four, though there are only three of us and I my serving is four meals for me.

I want to think I am just paying attention to food but one of our friends, who didn't notice how little I ate made a joke about how much my husband ate. It's only been three weeks since my surgery and my husband did lose his eating buddy but I am worried.

And yes, this is a rant but I would appreciate any insight..

My hubby isn't drastically overweight, but he's put on a little belly since we got married. I also noticed that he feels compelled to eat any food that I leave on my plate, and he's put on a few more pounds since my surgery. I talked to him the other day, and he grew up without enough food and was taught it was wrong not to clear the plate. We agreed that I'm not going to give him my plate anymore, because it's reinforcing bad habits for him. One reason for me having the surgery was so I could get more active with him, go on walks and such. So we're all going to focus on healthy cooking and eating, including better portioning.

My husband has the same issue - not a lot of money as a child, so they had "wish" sandwiches (this is when you have 2 slices of bread and wish something was in the middle). So when they had food they ate every last but. Even now if they go to a buffet, they have to eat and eat and eat to get every cent worth. We cut off hia family about 2 years ago (thank you sweet baby jesus). But he def has the same thing. He's working on it and has lost weight since my surgery since we aren't getting Chinese, pizza, etc. But I totally get it. Your hubby sounds reasonable and I'm glad y'all have a plan!!!

So stranded but...My husband has been "eating for two" since my surgery three weeks ago. He goes up and down about 20 pounds since forever (we got married back when dinosaurs ruled the earth) and is about 30 pounds over ideal weight, but at 6'4" that's not much extra weight.

Still it's disturbing and he his snoring so loud I can hear him with earplugs jammed so far in my ears they touch my brain so I have been sleeping in the guest room.

On Thursday we went to a show and ate at a or cart lot (its a "thing" in Portland). I had a cup of hot mint tea and got a Sharma appetizer plate and ate 10 cc of chicken, 1/2 of a stuffed grape leaf and 5cc of cucumber salad. He ate the rest and a lamb gyro pluses a large routine (french fires with slaughter and pepper jelly sauce) and two pieces of baklava and two cans of soda. This weekend he ate most of a 3 pound pack of bacon and th madhouse a meal service (Green Chef) last night he added two full chicken breasts to the pre proportioned diner for four, though there are only three of us and I my serving is four meals for me.

I want to think I am just paying attention to food but one of our friends, who didn't notice how little I ate made a joke about how much my husband ate. It's only been three weeks since my surgery and my husband did lose his eating buddy but I am worried.

And yes, this is a rant but I would appreciate any insight..

My hubby isn't drastically overweight, but he's put on a little belly since we got married. I also noticed that he feels compelled to eat any food that I leave on my plate, and he's put on a few more pounds since my surgery. I talked to him the other day, and he grew up without enough food and was taught it was wrong not to clear the plate. We agreed that I'm not going to give him my plate anymore, because it's reinforcing bad habits for him. One reason for me having the surgery was so I could get more active with him, go on walks and such. So we're all going to focus on healthy cooking and eating, including better portioning.

My husband has the same issue - not a lot of money as a child, so they had "wish" sandwiches (this is when you have 2 slices of bread and wish something was in the middle). So when they had food they ate every last but. Even now if they go to a buffet, they have to eat and eat and eat to get every cent worth. We cut off hia family about 2 years ago (thank you sweet baby jesus). But he def has the same thing. He's working on it and has lost weight since my surgery since we aren't getting Chinese, pizza, etc. But I totally get it. Your hubby sounds reasonable and I'm glad y'all have a plan!!!

[LittleBill 2,231]

We've gotten closer - mainly because we are both losing weight! Seriously though, my wife has been very supportive. We've been married almost 33 years, so we've been together through a lot of what life brings. Both of us have been the strong one for the other at various times. I don't see this as being any different.

[tamirn 90]

@@Heather I expect that sex drive to come back in turbo mode in month 3 or 4.

I'm looking forward to that but I need a husband though!!!! Lol!!!

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[tamirn 90]

Isn't it funny how all of s sudden they have a problem now that the weight is coming off??

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[OttawaMommy 6]

Still happily married My husband is very supportive, but was at first pretty concerned because he was worried that there would be complications during the surgery. I think it was something that just made us stronger together.

Hope it all works out for the best for you!

Heather

[Seagull 140]

My wife demands to go to dinner and I don't like to anymore That starts a lot of arguments that lasts several hours

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[birdie bird 24]

Sounds like a great man

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