DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

That is what I was trying to explain to her @@4MRB4PHOTO especially since we have a very active 3 year old at home. And I definitely have tried talking and it just gets no where. And thank you I an trying to be excited but it is hard. And p.s lol maybe if she sees this she will realize that how she is behaving is wrong. Because according to her and her "friends" I am selfish.

Having a 3-year old at home would be a major reason to NOT have surgery at the same time. Right after surgery, even with no complications, you won't be able to lift a child and your activity will be somewhat limited.

I echo the suggestion for couples counseling and/or solo counseling.

[PorkChopExpress 820]

Her attitude is really, really poor. I can understand being disappointed, but then saying "I'm not gonna do it because we can't do it together" is immature, IMO. Plus, two people recovering from this surgery together simultaneously, neither can really be any help to the other.

My wife wanted to get the surgery too, and it looked for a while as though she might be able to do it earlier than me. She was very excited for it, and then we had some life changes and she ended up getting a teaching position, and it closed her window until next summer. Meanwhile, mine went forward and I got it done a month ago. She was disappointed and frustrated, moreso now because she has to continue to maintain a 40bmi due to insurance, until she can get it done. So it's a bummer. But it didn't change her mind about getting the surgery done, that's for sure!

In the end, it'll be better because I will be very far along toward my goals by the time she can get her surgery, and I will have experienced everything, so I'll be better able to help her through it. But if your partner is claiming YOU are the selfish one for going ahead, then your relationship - in my opinion - is in a questionable state, to begin with. Love is putting someone else's needs above your own. She should feel happy for you, and plan to do it at another time.

[genn 460]

Her attitude is really, really poor. I can understand being disappointed, but then saying "I'm not gonna do it because we can't do it together" is immature, IMO. Plus, two people recovering from this surgery together simultaneously, neither can really be any help to the other.

My wife wanted to get the surgery too, and it looked for a while as though she might be able to do it earlier than me. She was very excited for it, and then we had some life changes and she ended up getting a teaching position, and it closed her window until next summer. Meanwhile, mine went forward and I got it done a month ago. She was disappointed and frustrated, moreso now because she has to continue to maintain a 40bmi due to insurance, until she can get it done. So it's a bummer. But it didn't change her mind about getting the surgery done, that's for sure!

In the end, it'll be better because I will be very far along toward my goals by the time she can get her surgery, and I will have experienced everything, so I'll be better able to help her through it. But if your partner is claiming YOU are the selfish one for going ahead, then your relationship - in my opinion - is in a questionable state, to begin with. Love is putting someone else's needs above your own. She should feel happy for you, and plan to do it at another time.

Well said!!

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[Heather I 500]

I think you have two 3 year-olds to take care of; one you are married to. I'm picturing a pissed off stamped foot with folded arms across the chest.

Really? She can't wait a freaking month? And how is any of this your fault? My surgery was postponed three times -- none of which were as a result of anything I did or wanted, all because of the doctor/insurance scenarios.

Her insecurities are already out of control, IMO. She's going to be totally freaked out as you lose weight. IDK, I'd totally go through with the surgery, but get a therapist on speed dial. This is going to be a bumpy ride.

[laceemouse 631]

I am having my surgery next Monday and I am so happy to have my healthy husband to take care of the house (and me) after the surgery. We have older kids and he can make them help with cooking, laundry, etc. I know you aren't bedridden after surgery but I had my gallbladder out years ago and made the mistake of going to the grocery store just a few days later by myself, I hurt my stomach just lifting a really heavy bottle of laundry detergent. I won't make that mistake this time. You won't be able to lift your toddler for a few weeks after the surgery, honestly I would space them out a couple of months on purpose.

[Pescador 1,374]

I went before my extremely obese husband because he was terrified. The surgeon recommended a two week difference due to the possibility of a problem. YES, it happened. My husband spent 4 days in the hospital with a problem. My husband is my priority. Not sure he would have done it if I had not gone first. I count my blessings I was allowed to go first and take care of my most precious asset.