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No support from boyfriend

christyb69

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christyb69    10

christyb69
Posted

Im new on here, and im 4 days into my 14 day pre op diet , I am finding I have no support from my boyfriend, he tries to make me feel guilty about my decision on surgery, and was just wondering if anyone else has issues like this , because he doesnt want me to loose weight,

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laceemouse    631

laceemouse
Posted

Is he overweight? I have a very supportive husband but your story is pretty common. I gotta say I don't understand it at all. Is he worried you will leave him after you lose weight? Many relationships end after one person has WLS, you have to do this for you if you really want to do it.

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anthonyb    30

anthonyb
Posted

This is common. It happened to me as well. I guess the best question really is why does not want you to lose weight? In my case my ex wife thought if I lost weight I would leave her or cheat on her. Basically no one but her wanted me when I was overweight but if I was skinnier then maybe I would have options

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WLSResources/ClothingExch    3,443

WLSResources/ClothingExch
Posted

The others have already said it may be your boyfriend's fear of being left for greener-pastured men. If he's obese, it may also be that he doesn't want to be left alone in terms of losing his eating partner.

Regardless, this has little or nothing to do with him. Your life, your body, your health, your self-image, your mirror. No one else has a vote.

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Pescador    1,374

Pescador
Posted

The series My 600 lb Life shows this in so many episodes. The SO is usually thin, and sabotages the overweight by continuing to give the over weight other fat foods. The show highlights some of these problems. I think a person has to have great self esteem and love for their SO to be very supportive.

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bitingcat    87

bitingcat
Posted

Consider finding a good therapist for *you*. Being afraid of surgery risks or change is one thing; openly preferring a specific body type and suggesting he will reject you if you deviate from his wishes is dangerously close to saying, "I prefer victims I can control." He either cares about you or he doesn't - your weight shouldn't change that.

I have an awesome husband now, but I waded through my share of users and losers to get here. I wish I had gotten help figuring them out sooner. You can do this

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Pescador    1,374

Pescador
Posted

He has never been heavy, always skinny, he even said that hes not taking me to surgery , he likes heavier woman , not caring that its affecting my health.

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A man who loves you to the moon and back will love you through ANYTHING. Your health matters. Put YOU first. Please.

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anthonyb    30

anthonyb
Posted

He has never been heavy, always skinny, he even said that hes not taking me to surgery , he likes heavier woman , not caring that its affecting my health.

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That is too bad. I agree with everyone else you need to put you first. This is a personal health decision and sadly some people do not understand that. I know in my case I was just very clear with her that I needed to make this decision. She never fully understood. I hope that doesn't happen to you. There is more to life than what we look like. And with WLS we can live long enough to enjoy those other things.

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LadyK44    263

LadyK44
Posted

He is a "boyfriend?" Well, it does not seem that he is a "friend" but he is surely acting like a "boy." You live/die in your body. He will be alive with another women if you past from obesity.

Do what is best for you! A therapist may also be helpful. Your life your choice.

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lunnah    101

lunnah
Posted

Are you doing it for you or for him? Only you know the health issues that you are facing. The decision to get sleeved is not a small one. Concentrate on yourself and the people that are supportive with your decision.

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Travelher    915

Travelher
Posted

I'm sorry to hear that, this is hard enough when you have support. I also agree with everyone else. My husband is very supportive, but has been clear that i need to be sure I'm doing this for me and not for him and he is right about that.

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