Non supportive spouse

[courtknee_luv 52]

So when I started researching the surgery I did the adult thing and I turned to my darling beau and I explained that I wanted wls, I followed up with how my weight was affecting me, stating facts about how I had been on this viscous cycle since high school of gaining and loosing. At that time he said ok, I don't think you need it, but if you want to do this ok.

I guess in retrospect he was never really gung-ho about it, but let's fast forward to 2 1/2 months, 2 nutritionist visits, psych visit, ultrasound, and egd later. I mention to him that I'm almost ready to submit to the insurance and wanted to know how many days he planned on staying home with me for the aftercare. And he says, your not having the surgery and I'm like um yes I am. That train had already left the station!

I guess what makes me so upset is that I feel really unsupported and the idea of having to explain my reasoning for wanting this to him again is enough to make my head spin. I live 3000 miles away from my mother and sisters and really wish I had more support through this.

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[ojibway 203]

My spouse wasn't to supportive last year and it was one the reasons I didn't get it done then, I finally made the selfish decision to do it my way..... MY wife finally came around to support me, since my kids and friends were being very supportive she fell into line! HAHA. All you need is a friend to take you back and forth from the hospital. I told my wife she was either with me or I would find a friend to support me. (it was a HUGE decision, since I have a tendency to putting other people besides me first)

[courtknee_luv 52]

My spouse wasn't to supportive last year and it was one the reasons I didn't get it done then, I finally made the selfish decision to do it my way..... MY wife finally came around to support me, since my kids and friends were being very supportive she fell into line! HAHA. All you need is a friend to take you back and forth from the hospital. I told my wife she was either with me or I would find a friend to support me. (it was a HUGE decision, since I have a tendency to putting other people besides me first)

Hearing this is really helpful!! Not only because I almost thought about waiting or giving it more time. The sentiment that almost everyone has is that they wish they had not waited and wished they had took the leap sooner. Thank you so much !!!!

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[Denise Ingram 26]

I'm sorry for you...this is sad. My husband did not want me too either, but finally relented. Now that 8 weeks are behind us, he has seen a change in me because I'm happier and look better. Your husband is probably scared for you. Read to him as much as you can. Print out information for him and leave it laying around...he'll peek at it. He just need a buy in.

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

All you need is a friend to take you back and forth from the hospital.

You don't even need someone to take you to the hospital; that's what taxis are for. You will need someone to fetch you home, however. You also don't need someone to stay around the house with you for day. If a friend or neighbor will stop by, great, but you should be pretty self sufficient while taking it easy. In fact, you're much better getting up and walking about to do things for yourself (no lifting, though).

Your spouse is not the only one, as @@ojibway has indicated. It's often a matter of fear that, once the surgeree is slim, the partner will lose out to someone more desirable. That's one possibility. You can play with that to see if it's the case with your beau.

No matter what, this is your life, your body, your health.

[LilReDiva 22]

I'm in the same boat... My husband doesn't even want to discuss my upcoming surgery (October 20) and I'm not really clear as to why he isn't on board. He himself has had wls in 2013 but I'm determined and am convinced this is the best decision for me.

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Edited September 1, 2016 by LilReDiva

[lalala87 13]

My husband doesn't want me to get the surgery either. He says I just need to diet and exercise. Like I haven't been doing that since I was 11. He doesn't want to even talk about the surgery but I am making sure he is well informed at each step

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[mrswifey2008 11]

I'm so glad someone else is having this struggle! My hubby thinks it's the easy way out and feels that I should just exercise. He thinks I don't eat now as it is and says I will be miserable after because I won't be able to have what I want or go out for dinners with friends. Um hellooooo? All of that got me to where I am now! This has been a struggle for well over half my life now. I'm fed up and ready for things to change!

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[WhitneyMc 26]

My boyfriend of 9 years broke up with me one month before my surgery. Wls is really hard on relationships because its a complete life change. But when I decided to have wls I did it for me. And I'm not going to let ANYONE stop me from being my best, ESPECIALLY someone who is supposed to love and support me.

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[marchmellow 36]

My husband was also unsupportive at first but he has come around now. I'm not getting surgery until November. My mom is going to come help me with the kids during and after surgery so he won't have to take time off work. Can you ask your mom or sister to come visit for support? Maybe offer to pay full or half of their plane tickets?

Every once in a while my H will ask me questions like. "What are you going to do when guys stare at you and hit on you?" I just said "I guess It will just help build my confidence again and that I have no problem with people staring or hitting on me" lol. He was totally shocked with my answer. Whatever!!! It's true. I'm not gonna lie and say "oh that would suck if men like me" lol. People have even told him that I'll probably leave him after I get skinny. I think that's what my hub's biggest concern is. I won't leave him!! Well, unless he gives me a big reason to leave him of course.

Anyway, good luck! Just sit him down and ask him why or what his reasons are for not being supportive. Keep trying, he'll come around hopefully! And I wouldn't put this off for him. You are more important than anyone!! Including your hubs or kids. You come first. As the saying goes... You can't take care of anyone unless you take care of yourself.

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[KristenLe 5,979]

@@courtknee_luv This is about YOU and doing something for yourself. Your husband should have no right to tell you "you're not having surgery". I wish you the best of luck on your new journey and I sure hope your husband comes around and supports you! Maybe you both could use some counseling to discuss his concerns - your concerns - and the need for his support.

[losergrl75 277]

Has your husband ever struggled with weight issues? Mine has never struggled and in fact works in the fitness industry. Unless someone has personally struggled with weight, it is really hard to understand the struggle. Initially, I think my hubby had reservations because of his background in the fitness industry. He has the mindset that anyone can lose and maintain if they just work out more. Even though I had struggled PCOS for years, he just didn't understand. Once I had surgery and he saw how it helped reset my metabolic rate so that finally something was working inspite of my PCOS he was all on board. He sees firsthand that I'm putting in the work and that has completely changed his mindset.

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Edited September 6, 2016 by losergrl75

[courtknee_luv 52]

I'm in the same boat... My husband doesn't even want to discuss my upcoming surgery (October 20) and I'm not really clear as to why he isn't on board. He himself has had wls in 2013 but I'm determined and am convinced this is the best decision for me.

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My husband to, just made a blanket statement of "you're not doing that" no follow up. If he said "I'm scared about the prospect of surgery. I don't know how to support you through this, I need to understand the procedure" any of those things I can work with but his response was childish.

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[courtknee_luv 52]

My husband doesn't want me to get the surgery either. He says I just need to diet and exercise. Like I haven't been doing that since I was 11. He doesn't want to even talk about the surgery but I am making sure he is well informed at each step

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Yup, I told my husband the same thing. I've tried diet and exercise, the pills, crash diets, etc... We've all been there but I think your right I'm just going to send him as much info as possible so he is prepared whether he wants to be or not lol!! Thanks! Great idea!!

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[courtknee_luv 52]

@@courtknee_luv This is about YOU and doing something for yourself. Your husband should have no right to tell you "you're not having surgery". I wish you the best of luck on your new journey and I sure hope your husband comes around and supports you! Maybe you both could use some counseling to discuss his concerns - your concerns - and the need for his support.

I hope he comes around too, I would love to have his support. But I sacrificed so much for my family. I am doing this for me! Period.

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