I received a message from someone on facebook that I didn't know, but they mentioned that my (soon to be ex) husband is involved in a new relationship. I didn't know who sent me the message and I didn't think much of it...at first. Eventually curiosity got the best of me and I did a tiny bit of looking around. For the record we have been separated for 6 months and have not started formal divorce paperwork yet.

I went to her facebook page and there are tons of pictures of the two of them, hugging, kissing, etc. Now, I hate to say negative things about other people's appearance, but...she's much larger than ever was even before surgery, and her face...well I just hope she has a nice personality. I'm sure I'm biased against her but it was really a kick in the gut. I know I shouldn't feel like this. He cheated on me, he made me feel bad about myself, he disrespected me, he ignored me, he never wanted to spend time with m, ehe put my needs last...I know I'm better off without him. But I feel so rejected and hurt. I can't help this feeling of "you dumped me for THAT?"

I just needed to get that off my chest.

omg Sophie I am in the same exact boat. My divorce was finalized last month. Early into my divorce proceeding a former mutual friend called me and told me that my husband was in a relationship. Eventually, I found out that he and his mistress slept together 2 days after our wedding anniversary. The mistress knew all about me and did not care. My ex-husband moved on before I even filed for a divorce. When I found his mistress on facebook, my jaw dropped. I too do not normally talk about people but this girl was and still is a hot, overweight mess. She is bigger than me, teeth messed up, double chins, the list goes on. But, my husband decided to carry on a relationship with her, knowing that she is nowhere near what he likes and do you know why? Let me explain. No offense to you, but your husband seems to go after women who have no self esteem and no confidence in themselves. It's easier for a narcissistic man to control and manipulate someone who has no self esteem, overweight, and no confidence. My ex-husband is the same way. When he met me, I was overweight and was getting bigger every year we were married due to emotional eating. During my divorce proceedings, different people came to me and explained how they disliked my ex-husband while we were married because they knew he was the reason I gained weight. And he was happy with me being overweight, because he felt that as long as I am overweight no one would want me. 8 months out from surgery and nearly 100 pounds down, he can't stand me because I built the courage to leave him and his abusive ways---and I left 3 weeks after I had surgery so weight loss was not the reason I left him. I left him because he was abusive to me and my kid. He was emotionally, financially and mentally abusive. And he was a cheater. What you are dealing with is rejection. I am still dealing with it myself. But, we have to try our hardest to see past the rejection and realize that they don't deserve us anyway. Our exes cannot be with us because we are too strong for them and I'm sure you're not as heavy as you used to be. As hard as this is, start telling yourself that you deserve better. Believe it or not, your ex has low self esteem. It may not look like it, but I promise you he does. Narcarcisstic and controlling people go after people they can control. And when they cannot control you, they will hate you. You are too good for your soon to be ex. He only moved on because he can't be alone. Same as with my ex husband. He moved on before I even filed for a divorce. But he did that because he cannot stand to be alone. All he did was find an overweight, unattractive woman and he is controlling her in more ways than one. Matter of fact, my ex controls his mistress so much that she neglects her teenage son just so she could lay up with my ex-husband. Just sad! But hey, that's their life. Time will heal all wounds. Just stay off facebook or block anyone who knows your husband. I blocked many in laws and friends because I didn't want them telling me my ex-husband's every waking move. I can't heal that way. Sometimes you got to cut people off. Change your name on facebook and change your privacy settings. Trust me, it will be the best thing you could have ever done. You are a winner and never forget that! One day, someone will come along and love you for YOU. You were too good for that loser husband

You didn't let your situation break you, in fact it looks to have made you stronger. Great advice. Be encouraged!

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Sending you a virtual hug and a smile; sounds like you need it..

It's his loss (and hers too for getting him). You are better off without him and will find true happiness with someone else.

Edited August 9, 201610 yr by 4MRB4PHOTO

omg Sophie I am in the same exact boat. My divorce was finalized last month. Early into my divorce proceeding a former mutual friend called me and told me that my husband was in a relationship. Eventually, I found out that he and his mistress slept together 2 days after our wedding anniversary. The mistress knew all about me and did not care. My ex-husband moved on before I even filed for a divorce. When I found his mistress on facebook, my jaw dropped. I too do not normally talk about people but this girl was and still is a hot, overweight mess. She is bigger than me, teeth messed up, double chins, the list goes on. But, my husband decided to carry on a relationship with her, knowing that she is nowhere near what he likes and do you know why? Let me explain. No offense to you, but your husband seems to go after women who have no self esteem and no confidence in themselves. It's easier for a narcissistic man to control and manipulate someone who has no self esteem, overweight, and no confidence. My ex-husband is the same way. When he met me, I was overweight and was getting bigger every year we were married due to emotional eating. During my divorce proceedings, different people came to me and explained how they disliked my ex-husband while we were married because they knew he was the reason I gained weight. And he was happy with me being overweight, because he felt that as long as I am overweight no one would want me. 8 months out from surgery and nearly 100 pounds down, he can't stand me because I built the courage to leave him and his abusive ways---and I left 3 weeks after I had surgery so weight loss was not the reason I left him. I left him because he was abusive to me and my kid. He was emotionally, financially and mentally abusive. And he was a cheater. What you are dealing with is rejection. I am still dealing with it myself. But, we have to try our hardest to see past the rejection and realize that they don't deserve us anyway. Our exes cannot be with us because we are too strong for them and I'm sure you're not as heavy as you used to be. As hard as this is, start telling yourself that you deserve better. Believe it or not, your ex has low self esteem. It may not look like it, but I promise you he does. Narcarcisstic and controlling people go after people they can control. And when they cannot control you, they will hate you. You are too good for your soon to be ex. He only moved on because he can't be alone. Same as with my ex husband. He moved on before I even filed for a divorce. But he did that because he cannot stand to be alone. All he did was find an overweight, unattractive woman and he is controlling her in more ways than one. Matter of fact, my ex controls his mistress so much that she neglects her teenage son just so she could lay up with my ex-husband. Just sad! But hey, that's their life. Time will heal all wounds. Just stay off facebook or block anyone who knows your husband. I blocked many in laws and friends because I didn't want them telling me my ex-husband's every waking move. I can't heal that way. Sometimes you got to cut people off. Change your name on facebook and change your privacy settings. Trust me, it will be the best thing you could have ever done. You are a winner and never forget that! One day, someone will come along and love you for YOU. You were too good for that loser husband

Wow, this is exactly what happened to me. I was always overweight but gained a ton of weight when we got married. He is big too and LOOOVES to eat. My parents had made some comments that I had gained weight and he was always like nah she's fine. I always just thought hey he loves me and sees past my weight. But I know he was in a long term relationship before me with someone who was also very large. Maybe that's just what he likes, and he didn't like that I lost weight and gained confidence. After 12 years it's so hard to let go, I miss him, I miss my best friend, I miss rolling over at night and draping my arm over him, I miss our jokes

But I know he was bad for me, he stopped loving me, he made me feel bad about myself. So many of my family members now have said that they could see I have been miserable for a while. Even people I don't see that often said it.

I know it's better, and I have to believe that I will find someone better

Rejection is tough even if you are better off with that person out of your life. It's hard to see when you are in it, but time and therapy (if you want it) will help. I can say that because I've lived it. Even in this perfectly normal body, I have had my share of rejection but I am learning that it's not my doing, but theirs. One day I'll find that man I'm looking for...and if I don't, oh well, my life is really good with or without a man. I have close family, good friends, and a job I don't hate. I'll take that any day. Hang in there Sophie...I know it hurts but as others have said, you are sooo better off without him.

And what he did to you ,he will do to her.

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Sorry to hear the news, but I agree with most others: Don't do the Facebook thing, etc. Focus on YOU, so YOU can heal.

In a little relationship e-book First Do No Harm: How to Heal Your Relationships (or something like that), there's a snippet: "Sometimes Amputation is Necessary to Preserve Life."

That applies for a gangrenous limb/foot, or for a person toxic or painful to your life and they are draining life from you. No, you don't want to lose that [limb, foot, person], but if it/they are destroying your life, killing you and or your peace of mind and self worth, it's best to let it go; amputate it; cut them off. Don't cut them !!; just cut off the toxic entity from your life.

It doesn't feel like it right now (the wound is too fresh), but you will heal and yet live.

I really do need to stay away from Facebook

_{If I were you, I would thank her for taking that worthless piece of crap away from you. You deserve better!}

..... And her face, well all I can say is I hope she has a nice personality! LMAO#

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I'm sorry for the hurt you are experiencing. Sounds like you all separated with the intention of divorcing and not reconciling but it sounds like maybe you may have been open to reconciling if he wanted to fight for you. Women tend to always pick apart a womans appearance when she's in her feelings. No shade, I've done it too. I think it's instinctual. We're looking for obvious reasons as to why this woman has your mans affection, attention whatever. But I think its important to understand that although we think that men are extremely superficial-- they really aren't all that much. When a man cheats, or is on the rebound they don't go there someone because they are far more beautiful, skinnier, than you. It usually has to do with this woman making herself available to him. Stroking his ego, taking his side "oh she doesn't appreciate you, If I were your woman I would...." Men feed on this attention, men want to feel good, want to be told they are desirable.

I've been married almost 16 years... and even we take each other for granted sometimes. We get wrapped up in our needs, and we get resentful toward each other when "our needs" aren't being met. We become complacent and then before you know it you haven't been happy in forever and no one knows how or is willing to fix it. But are 2 willing partners who listen and accommodate each others needs. We communicate and try to get ahead of the problem and we are both willing to meet each other half way.

I'm not sure what happened in your case but it's usually one partner who just doesn't want to play ball. I'm guessing it was him? So you said enough is enough. I don't need this. I'm better off without you.

Then this new girl came along and it seems fun and exciting at first and she doesn't nag him. She doesn't see his flaws, or the mistakes he made 2 days/weeks/months/years ago. She see's only the GOOD in him. She laughed at his jokes, she is agreeable to his ideas so she tells him what he wants to hear because she thinks he's a great guy! She's probably not had a man in forever so she's putting her best foot forward, he's taking it all in, It's a perfect time to hit RESET. It doesn't matter how they look, its about how she made him feel. Pretty soon, he will begin to treat her as awful as he treated you and she will learn sooner than later why he's no longer married. That is a fact.

SO start the process of moving on. He's not your problem anymore and you'll be better off for it. Best wishes!

This is a perfect example that his decisions and poor behavior had nothing to do with you. You need to understand that to be able to move on yourself.

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@@Sophie74656 I'm so sorry