Dressing this new body

[Daisee68 2,493]

I am posting this in the Emotional section because well, this "learning how to dress" thing is very emotional and anxiety causing for me! I got laid off 7 months post-op and though I had a new job, it was work from home. Now I am starting a new job next week, and not only do I need an entirely new wardrobe (because let's face it - the yoga pants and pjs I have been wearing the last 7 months aren't work appropriate ). Obviously, my work clothes from 7 months ago do not fit. And I have been good about buying new clothes all along (well good or bad - depending on how you look at it - my point being I refused to go around in clothes hanging off of me). And to add to my anxiety, I am returning to a job where I worked for 14 years (before my last job which was 7 1/2 years). Have lots of friends which is good, but I left there for a reason, so it feels a bit like moving back in with my parents. But I digress...

Anyway - clothes shopping. Yesterday I went in to stores that I have always wanted to shop in - LOFT and White House Black Market. Mostly I just felt out of place. Like someone is surely going to tell me that they don't have anything there to fit me. And though I can suddenly fit in size 10's (much smaller than I thought I would be), the sizes in the store all seemed to be 2's and 4's and 0's. Talk about stress inducing! Dresses and skirts are working fine and will be mostly what I live in, but I need some tall pants (I'm 5'10"). I know that LOFT and Limited (and a few other places) carry these online but they all have all these different cuts with no descriptions - Julie, Marisa, Curvy, Ellie, Modern, etc. AHHHHH!!! I have to figure out which cut fits me first and then order the tall ones online. Seriously should not be this hard. AND it should be fun! I went in to J Crew yesterday and 1 lap around the store and walked out. Then I saw a Lucky Brand Jeans but made it to the door and then just turned around. So basically, in addition to finding clothes that fit, I am trying to figure out which store has the "style" that I like and/or want to portray. I have shopped from Lane Bryant and Avenue for so long that I knew what sizes fit and what styles I liked. This is a WHOLE new adventure.

I don't mean to be complaining. Trust me. It is exciting to pull out a size you never thought would fit and then even better have to go back and get a smaller size, but I never in my wildest dreams thought it would cause me such anxiety! (PS - yes I am seeing a therapist. THANK GOODNESS!! Had a long talk about the new job yesterday. Very glad I have her to walk through this with me.)

Not really looking for response or advice. Just needed to get that out there to others who might understand....

[catwoman7 10,939]

This is sort of related, but last time I bought clothes, I ordered them from Woman Within - only I got them in regular sizes rather than plus sizes. The thought of shopping in a regular store still seems really bizarre to me. I suppose I'll get over it eventually...

[marlynn8502 10]

Thank you for sharing this. I am on the other end of my journey and am getting sleeved on 7/25. You reminded me of how I felt when I gained all this weight. I used to be average size and packed on the pounds with pregnancy, stress eating and not taking care of or time for myself. I wore yoga pants and stretchy clothes for so long it was a rude awakening to realize that if I wanted something that looked good and was fashionable, I had to go to a plus size store. It took a long time to learn how to dress my bigger body. I can say that I did eventually master that and developed my own style. My point is that you will get this figured out and it will all be not just fine but great in the end. Instead of 2 stores and small departments with limited choices, you have a whole mall to choose from. Just like when we were kids figuring out "our style" we all have to or will have to figure it out again. Only this time I know I'll appreciate being able to choose clothes I like and not just ones that fit and disguise my weight. I know this is rough, but you've got this!

Sent from my iPhone using the BariatricPal App

[gowalking 10,790]

You are not alone. Don't panic...dressing now that you are a smaller size takes time. I've been at goal for two years and have been comfortable trying on clothes for less than a year. It will take trial and error before you know what style works best. Some days, everything will look good on you, and others, nothing will.

Hang in there...shopping will be fun. I promise. Right now, it's hard because it's new.

[AvaFern 3,516]

I can appreciate how you feel, particularly to the point that stores that are supposed to carry sizes up to a 14, never seem to actually have those sizes. I didn't start shopping in regular stores again until I was about 30 pounds from goal, but I do understand it can be stressful. If it helps at all, as someone who does fit into the 2's and 4's that half the stores only seem to carry despite supposedly carrying up to a 14, there are still plenty of times where I try something on and it's too tight. For the most part, now that I am at goal, I love shopping because most things do fit me, but it took awhile for me to not feel like an imposter when I walked into stores. I tend to like Express, NY&Co, White House Black Market, and banana Republic and while the first one, no one seems to care much about what you look like, the last three, I feel like you better be a certain size. Although I have been within a few pounds of goal for almost two years and actually at goal for about 15 months, it has taken awhile to feel like I belong there. While now I walk into those stores and head for the smallest sizes, there is a part of me that remembers what it felt like to not be able to wear a single thing in the entire store. I feel like Target is a constant reminder because they have those dual mirrors that let you really see how big your butt is and I distinctly remember times where I fit into absolutely nothing and how upset I was. The other day I was annoyed because an extra small was too big on me and then I took a minute to remember what it was like when the XXL didn't fit and I remembered to be a little more grateful.

I'm not sure how you feel about NY&Co, but you can get dress pants in a tall from them for really decent prices if you shop sales. Usually I spend about $25 on their pants. They also have annoying names for different cuts, but if it helps at all the Signature is designed for women who have a little thicker butt and thighs (like me), the modern for me is always a size up from signature, and the slim-fit is always a size under signature. That might be useless to you, but now that I know what size I am, I almost order entirely online from them and returns are easy in the store, so that helps too.

I'm sure you will look fabulous in your new job. I have spent the last several years working largely from home and in a few weeks I start law school, so I will have to be a big girl and put on real clothing everyday, so I can extra appreciate the desire to have something nice to wear to give you a little confidence. Good luck!

[desdeemona52 5]

I went through so many wardrobe changes on my journey - I found that the best thing to do was to go to thrift stores. I now own a much more upscale wardrobe than I ever had prior to surgery and have only paid a fraction for it. Hope all goes well in your new job

[KristenLe 5,979]

@@Daisee68 Congrats on your new job!!! Why don't you try stores like TJMaxx or Marshall's - they're not intimidating like the smaller stores. Why don't you order a few styles from Limited and I believe you can return them to a store. Old Navy has Tall options online as well. Good luck with your shopping and new job!

[Daisee68 2,493]

Thanks for all the kind words and encouragement!!

@@AvaFern - Thanks for the tips on NY&Co. I did try their pants a few months back (Easter actually) and even the signature fit horribly. They came WAY down on my backside (like thank goodness I still wear granny panties! ) I am having my first plastics in October which is LBL including outer thigh lift and butt lift, so I know that some of my pant "problems" should improve afterwards. Meanwhile, I have a ton of cute fit-and-flare dresses which accentuate my waist and hide my droopy thighs and butt, so they will likely be my go to. And luckily I am in TX where it will be hot enough to wear dresses and sandals for quite some time. Best of luck with law school!! What an exciting adventure!

@@gowalking - You are right that somedays it all looks good and somedays not so much!!

@@marlynn8502 - Girl you will get there! Just wait and see. It is an EXCITING ride!

@@desdeemona52 - You know I have never considered thrift really because they have never had anything that fit. Might be worth a shot now.

@@KristenLe - Thanks. I have a TON of cute tops from TJMaxx. LOVE that I can shop there now. Tall pants to go with the tops - not so much. I love The Limited but I cannot quite figure out the cuts of pants. I know I just have to be less intimidated and go in there and ask for help. Maybe today....

PS - To you all - I am so grateful for this site! Seriously who else would understand this being an emotional issue for me except you guys!! Much LOVE!

[Montana Gal 448]

I agree with @desdeemona52, give thrift stores a try. It's amazing how many different brands I have found. From Old Navy to Coldwater Creek and many more. I am still very intimidated to go into a lot of clothing stores because it has been so long since I have tried. Goodwill is my favorite, a lot of the clothing doesn't even look like it has been worn. Good luck with your new job, you will do great and look amazing too!

[mngreeneyes 674]

Congrats on the new job and the weight loss. I have found that shopping at consignment stores are very helpful. We have a consignment store chain that specializes in higher end used clothes. I don't necessarily pay much attention to the name brands, but they only accept things that have minimal wear, etc.

I haven't had much budget to replace clothes that are now to big, but I've started with basics like black skirts and pants and added bright colored shirts, etc. I have also found a couple of cute dresses that have worked well. I have to say I have dressed better this summer than I usually do because its so easy to do skirts and sandals. Besides my cute heals dont' hurt to wear anymore!

I have even found some great things at Goodwill for even cheaper and the Goodwill here in Minnesota gives you a 25% off coupon if you donate so you can add that to Goodwill prices. Goodwill is more hit and miss on quality and wear, but if you are careful I've found some great buys.

good luck and happy shopping!

pam

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

I am looking forward to being where you are!

I am not working but am starting the process of returning to work (am currently on disability).

Interviewing and finding something to wear is my biggest area of anxiety right now.

I am in a place where I can buy some clothes off the rack. My top is straddling the line between straight sizes and plus sizes but my bottom is still plus size.

For now, I am supplementing with sale/inexpensive clothes.

What I am looking forward to is being able to start over with a new wardrobe.

I want to build a classic wardrobe with pieces I LOVE.

I want to possibly use a personal shopper at a nicer department store to get me started but that is a ways down the road.

Best of luck with your new job!

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

PS, I am intrigued with the 10-item wardrobe.

http://dailyconnoisseur.blogspot.com/2015/10/ten-item-wardrobe-fall-winter-2015.html?m=1

[WLSResources/ClothingExch 3,443]

So basically, in addition to finding clothes that fit, I am trying to figure out which store has the "style" that I like and/or want to portray. I have shopped from Lane Bryant and Avenue for so long that I knew what sizes fit and what styles I liked. This is a WHOLE new adventure.

I don't mean to be complaining. Trust me. It is exciting to pull out a size you never thought would fit and then even better have to go back and get a smaller size, but I never in my wildest dreams thought it would cause me such anxiety!

Not really looking for response or advice. Just needed to get that out there to others who might understand....

You didn't really think you wouldn't get responses of all sorts, did you?

Your puzzlement about your style now that you have choices is one of the common difficulties at or near goal. It really does become an obstacle to shopping and not going home empty-handed. There's a book that you may find useful: The Weight Los Surgery Coping Companion: A Practical Guide for Coping with Post-Surgery Emotions, Tanie Miller Kabala, PhD.

http://www.amazon.com/Weight-Loss-Surgery-Coping-Companion/dp/1508526087

It's a slim book -- no padding and repetition that makes some books so tedious. EAch chapter has space for writing whatever it's about. Use a notebook instead so that you can go back whenever a brush-up is needed, such as when your view of life next changes.

[stacyrg2 350]

One thing you might consider trying is using a personal shopper. I know stores like Nordstrom offer the service. They will take the laboring oar and bring you different pieces, reflecting various styles, to try. It takes some of the guess work and stress out of it. The service is awesome and I never felt pressured to buy anything. It also gave me the perspective of someone who "styles" all different body types for a living. Just a thought.

[Heather I 500]

The Julie cut at AT Loft is for pear/heavier bottom/thighs gals like myself. I'm 5'8" and had enough hem to work with, but at 5'10", you may need talls.