I feel like my partner isn't even trying to eat better

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

There is a huge difference between setting an example and expecting someone to do what you think they SHOULD do.

You need to take care of yourself. Let him take care of himself.

[Foxy_lady 22]

He was never supportive, he was against the surgery. He always said it was going to change everything for the worst, but I told him it is for my health and that is important.

If he hasn't struggled with weight, he's clueless to how's she is feeling....those who don't struggle with the weight often aren't forced to think through their food choice the way those who do are forced to...

@@foxylady what ways has he been supportive?

@@OutsideMatchInside Your situation is support sounds unique and ideal...


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[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

Well, there you have it. Some incompatibilities are developing in your relationship.

So how do you guys want to handle this?

IMHO, you've got more conversations to have. And my bet is that those conversations would be a lot more productive if you had them in relationship counseling.

[KristenLe 5,980]

@@Foxy_lady It sounds as though you have some relationship issues that need to be addressed. I hope that you can resolve them.

[Read2016 658]

@foxylady.... You have made a decision to change your life for the better... You know he needs to do the same... I think you resent watching him continue to make bad food choices... He may or may not decide to go the surgery route... You will have to decide if your comfortable watching him gain more weight when you know he could choose to have a tool that would help change that...

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Edited May 24, 2016 by nyteacher125

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

On 600lb life, Zasalynn's husband didn't want her to lose weight. He sat in front of her eating all her favs, refusing to get her anything healthy and taunting the heck out of her all the time. He never gave a damn about her beyond his fetish.

He can eat whatever he wants when he isn't around her, it wouldn't kill him to show her a little respect when she was fresh out of surgery. People do the same thing when people have heart surgery or other diet changing surgery. My friends dad had surgery and we all ate different around him to support him, and make it easier for him to transition after his not WLS, surgery.

It is called respect and compassion. It isn't hard. He is being an asshole.

[determinedtolive 134]

On 600lb life, Zasalynn's husband didn't want her to lose weight. He sat in front of her eating all her favs, refusing to get her anything healthy and taunting the heck out of her all the time. He never gave a damn about her beyond his fetish.

He can eat whatever he wants when he isn't around her, it wouldn't kill him to show her a little respect when she was fresh out of surgery. People do the same thing when people have heart surgery or other diet changing surgery. My friends dad had surgery and we all ate different around him to support him, and make it easier for him to transition after his not WLS, surgery.

It is called respect and compassion. It isn't hard. He is being an a*****e.

The episodes that kill me are on the ride home from the hospital, fresh out of surgery and the person driving goes through a drive thru.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

It's not about the food.

Couple's counseling sounds like an excellent idea.

[KristenLe 5,980]

It is called respect and compassion. It isn't hard. He is being an a*****e.

I get the sense from additional comments made by the @OP that he's always been an asshole! I think it is harder to tolerate now. Although, I will go on record and say that I don't care what my BF eats after surgery (we shall see if I live up to this!).

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I don't care what people eat around me, but I am very self focus and self involved.

The difference is, I don't have someone in my home trying to throw me off track. I don't tolerate traitors and to me that would be a huge betrayal and a game ender.

[Read2016 658]

Looks like some pre-op discussing would have gone a long way in setting some boundaries... You can't control what someone else does, you can set personal boundaries for you... I would let him eat and eat, I would be in another room while he does... Your not forced to witness it.

Actions often deliver the message louder than words.

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Edited May 24, 2016 by nyteacher125

[Valentina 2,642]

You need to have WLS for only one person---yourself. For yourself, a gift from yourself, Love--yourself.

That takes a great deal on inner strength, but to have WLS for any other reason is asking for turmoil along your entire journey.

Hopefully the BF will acknowledge your commitment and be not only supportive, but respectful to your decision to travel down the WLS path.

When he isn't, we are and always will be here to listen. Sometimes that is all any of us needs---some one to just listen.

We are here for you, Friend---and we're listening.

Prayers going up for you.

[jeanniereenie 177]

My husband eats what he wants. My coworkers eat what they want. I have never asked for approval for my food so it's NEVER my place to approve others. He is my husband, not my child. He has never tried to sabotage me but I still pick up his taco bell. Get over it. Pity parties everywhere on here lol

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[Megall9 268]

If you want him to eat better, is there anything that you can do to help him with that? I'm lucky in that my husband has always been very supportive of my decisions, and he is helping me with my journey any way that he can. I do want to see him eating healthier too, so I've suggested in the meantime (I'm still on post op full fluids) that I cook some of my bariatric recipes for him to see if he (and our daughter) like them, because I would rather cook one thing for the whole family rather than something for them, and something else for me down the road. He's agreed, and they've loved everything I've made so far for them. Maybe offer to do the same for him? Ask him to help you try a new recipe and see what can maybe be done to tweak it to your preferences.

Just a suggestion.

[LipstickLady 25,682]

It has been 2 months since my surgery and all of my eating habits have changed for the better. Sometimes I do slip up but my body quickly reminds me EAT HEALTHIER! My boyfriend however is eating worse and worse everyday, It is already a struggle to say no temptation and so it's even more difficult when he's eating all the foods I cannot everyday. Am I just being a brat because I can't have it and he can?

I've read none of the replies. None.

So...at the risk of repeating/being snarky, I have to ask... why should be change his eating habits? YOU made the decision to have surgery, not him. Don't be a brat. (Your word, not mine. )