Spilling the beans

cc70 · May 20, 2016

I have just had my surgery day 4 xx I told some close friends and family x and think I will see how it goes x I don't want it to be a,deep dark secret. The physiologist reminded me when I first said I wasn't sure who to tell or keep it a secret that I should not be ashamed and I think I was feeling ashamed but each day I feel stronger but will see how it goes xx It's weird I'm OK telling my friends but not ready to tell my husbands x

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californiabern · May 21, 2016

I can totally relate. I very specifically asked my wife to NOT share with anyone. I was very adamant and clear. Then she went and told pretty much everyone I see on a regular basis. I was very upset, and it definitely caused issues at our house. There was literally only one set of friends she didn't tell. Then, about 2 weeks after this all blew up, she went and told those people as well. I am beyond upset.

I think betrayal is a very adequate word for what I feel.

It's less about the fact that people know. In the end, it's not that big of deal if people know. But I didn't ask my wife not to share because it was a big deal. I asked her not to share because I am a very private person and don't want everyone knowing my business. It's a betrayal because I very clearly asked the person closest to me in life to respect me and my wishes about my medical issues. She agreed, then she violated that trust over and over and over. It has become a trust issue. If you can't trust someone to not share what you explicitly ask them not to share, how can you trust they show any discretion around things you don't specifically ask them not to share.

Even going to a therapist to work this out, I have no faith she isn't sharing everything I say in therapy to everyone I know. And to feel like me asking her not to doesn't really make any difference, it certainly didn't in this case.

Yeah, betrayal is an accurate term.

That's to bad, some people just don't seem to understand. I hope things get better ????

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californiabern · May 21, 2016

I have just had my surgery day 4 xx I told some close friends and family x and think I will see how it goes x I don't want it to be a,deep dark secret. The physiologist reminded me when I first said I wasn't sure who to tell or keep it a secret that I should not be ashamed and I think I was feeling ashamed but each day I feel stronger but will see how it goes xx It's weird I'm OK telling my friends but not ready to tell my husbands x

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Your husband doesn't know? I'm just curious if that's true how, if I could have it would have tried honestly but I don't think it would have been possible.

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cc70 · May 21, 2016

I have just had my surgery day 4 xx I told some close friends and family x and think I will see how it goes x I don't want it to be a,deep dark secret. The physiologist reminded me when I first said I wasn't sure who to tell or keep it a secret that I should not be ashamed and I think I was feeling ashamed but each day I feel stronger but will see how it goes xx It's weird I'm OK telling my friends but not ready to tell my husbands x

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Your husband doesn't know? I'm just curious if that's true how, if I could have it would have tried honestly but I don't think it would have been possible.
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My husband knows and suppors me I'm not comfortable with him telling his friends

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Learningtolive · May 23, 2016

My husband surprisingly respected my choice to keep it quiet and when I had the surgery he told his family I needed my appendix out to help with our daughter while he was with me during the day at the hospital for the few days I was there, then he'd pick her up from his mom's. It's kind of funny actually.