Heart Broken--feeling TOO much

[LEILE 66]

I really like to pretend that everything is fine, even when it is not. Yesterday, I discovered that my 17 year old son was engaging in self-abusive and self-destructive behaviors. When I confronted him with these facts he began hysterically screaming and behaving in a very unstable way that I will not elaborate on. Tomorrow morning, I am taking him to a center for an evaluation--and I am afraid. These last few days, I have been out in the neighborhood walking several miles--because I cannot stomach being at home and watching the person I love the most--my son, self-destruct. I was just sleeved 2 months ago, and so I am feeling a lot because I cannot medicate with food--and to be honest I don't want to. I am not a feeling person. I went to law school and I work in a very difficult complex area of law--where I don't have to feel too much, and I could always go to Starbucks get my goodies several times a day and just do what I needed to do. That shit doesn't work anymore, and I feel so afraid of dealing with my son's mental illness and I feel so angry that this is happening to him, I feel like kicking a tree or stabbing a pillow and mostly, I just feel afraid because I realize how little control I have as a mom, as a human being. So, today I am going to continue eating properly, and going for walks and I am going to try and carry on--but I really believe that being sleeved has both saved my life and also made me feel a lot more deeply--and sometimes that is a tough pill to swallow.

Leilie

[Miss Mac 6,262]

Sometimes, we just get tired of being strong, but I think you are handling this right. Just remember to take care of yourself so that you do not get physically weary as well. I hope your son can find the peace of mind that he needs. Hugs from Miss Mac in Chicago.

[Sharon1964 2,530]

Hugs.

[Valentina 2,642]

My friend, dealing with a loved one with mental illness was by far the most difficult period in my life. It's a long story--one that you don't need right now.

I have felt what you are feeling. I remember walking and walking and walking. During those walks I kept repeating to myself:

"I never knew how strong I was until being strong was my only option"

I know it's a cliché', but it saved my train of thoughts from being derailed more than once.

I'm on my knees in prayer for you and your son.

My friend, dealing with a loved one with mental illness was by far the most difficult period in my life. It's a long story--one that you don't need right now.

I have felt what you are feeling. I remember walking and walking and walking. During those walks I kept repeating to myself:

"I never knew how strong I was until being strong was my only option"

I know it's a cliché', but it saved my train of thoughts from being derailed more than once.

I'm on my knees in prayer for you and your son.

[Valentina 2,642]

My friend, dealing with a loved one with mental illness was by far the most difficult period in my life. It's a long story--one that you don't need right now.

I have felt what you are feeling. I remember walking and walking and walking. During those walks I kept repeating to myself:

"I never knew how strong I was until being strong was my only option"

I know it's a cliché', but it saved my train of thoughts from being derailed more than once.

I'm on my knees in prayer for you and your son.

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

I know I definitely used food to keep from feeling. It is hard to deal with intense feelings.

Go ahead and punch a pillow. Go ahead and cry in the shower, I know that being afraid to show my feelings is one way I got into the shape I did.

I also used to work in a legal environment and know first-hand that they are not nurturing environments to be in.

Do you have a therapist? A good counselor or therapist will help you learn new ways to deal with stress, anger, and uncomfortable feelings.

It is important to learn healthy coping skills for both you and your son.

It is so great to hear that you chose to take a walk and share your feelings here rather than eat. That is a HUGE accomplishment.

Sending prayers and hugs your way.

[LEILE 66]

Thank you all so much, I felt embarrassed to share something so personal on this site because--it is not directly related to my sleeve--but it is related in relation to how I am dealing and feeling. I do have a therapist, and I am talking about this stuff--but somehow somewhere I got really lost with my child and I just want to pretend that he is fine, and so I say nothing about his behaviors. I feel like because of the sleeve, I cannot ignore his behaviors and it is time to bring in some professionals to help him--he is so hostile towards me. This evening, just now-I was telling him how to cook chicken and he screamed "JUST GO TO YOUR ROOM AND LEAVE ME ALONE"--I know that does not sound terrible, but it does not matter what we are speaking about or doing, he is filled with horrific self-loathing, depression, anxiety and of course he lashes out towards me and his father--because who better to take it out on? I don't envy teenagers growing up in this country--right now, its really hard for a lot of them--I just wanted my son to be alright--and I have to stand back and let the professionals help him, but it isn't easy. Yep, I have been crying on the walking path--while on the phone to my mother or a friend and I have been crying in the car, and in the shower. I have to pray and thank you for everyone's well wishes--I greatly appreciate them. It feels so different to not be eating EVERYTHING when dealing with pain and fear.

[creneeha 3]

I really like to pretend that everything is fine, even when it is not. Yesterday, I discovered that my 17 year old son was engaging in self-abusive and self-destructive behaviors. When I confronted him with these facts he began hysterically screaming and behaving in a very unstable way that I will not elaborate on. Tomorrow morning, I am taking him to a center for an evaluation--and I am afraid. These last few days, I have been out in the neighborhood walking several miles--because I cannot stomach being at home and watching the person I love the most--my son, self-destruct. I was just sleeved 2 months ago, and so I am feeling a lot because I cannot medicate with food--and to be honest I don't want to. I am not a feeling person. I went to law school and I work in a very difficult complex area of law--where I don't have to feel too much, and I could always go to Starbucks get my goodies several times a day and just do what I needed to do. That **** doesn't work anymore, and I feel so afraid of dealing with my son's mental illness and I feel so angry that this is happening to him, I feel like kicking a tree or stabbing a pillow and mostly, I just feel afraid because I realize how little control I have as a mom, as a human being. So, today I am going to continue eating properly, and going for walks and I am going to try and carry on--but I really believe that being sleeved has both saved my life and also made me feel a lot more deeply--and sometimes that is a tough pill to swallow.

Leilie

My heart hurts for you, as a mother you never want to see your child hurt. I went through some tough battles with my son at the same age, and I didn't have the tool of a sleeve.... And food and my bed was my comfort...BUT GOD....a lil over a year later he's a new young man and I'm so thankful... I said that to say this.. U are a mother, if your didn't have those feelings we'd think something was wrong. Continue to be the supportive loving mother that you are. No need to be ashamed we all have battles, its a, part of this journey called life. My prayers of healing for your son and your sustaining...

Sent from my SM-G900R7 using the BariatricPal App

[Inner Surfer Girl 12,015]

Share away.

[Juan2BHealthE 12]

My thoughts & prayers are with you and your son. Just having this forum to share your thoughts & feelings can hopefully give you a small outlet to vent and help you through this difficult time. It's want all mothers want, their kids to be happy and healthy.

[CowgirlJane 14,261]

This is so difficult..i am a "fixer" and wanted to help my son soo much. He went through a bad decade, starting about age 11. When I found out he was cutting himself, it destroyed me.

I don't have any answers, but I have hope. My boy just turned 27. He is responsible, employed, has tons of friends and loves his mommy again.

You are in my prayers.

Sent from my KFJWI using the BariatricPal App

[Susan66 128]

Leilie, My heart breaks for you. As a mother of a son, I want all the best for him & have always wanted to fix anything that troubled him. I know it has to be so difficult and heartbreaking. You are very brave to share your worries and concern for your son with all of us.

Please know you have lots of support from us. Hugs

Edited March 7, 2016 by Susan66

[cookarue 233]

Sending love and prayers your way (((hugs)))