first of all i want to say how great everyone here is and how supportive everyone has been with my previous posts.

I have been staying with my parents for the past three weeks, and have pretty much made a permanent move here. I have most of my clothes, some other items and one of my cats here with me, and my amazing parents have bought me a bed and a mattress and I'm in their guest room.

Basically while I've been here my panic attacks have gone away and I've generally been calmer and better. That's not to say I still am not getting depressed occasionally about the situation. But in the various conversations I've had with some friends and my parents I've decided that I'm going to be the one to initiate the divorce. I have realized that as far back as almost two years he had been incredibly disrespectful, unloving, unsopportive, and acted like he just hated being with me. So in the words of my dad, I'm going to stay here until I get my shit together or as long as I want, save up some money, keep loosing weight, and I will land someone a hundred times better for me.

I'm going to a divorce seminar on Tuesday so I hope to find out how the process works and if we can do it with minimal lawyer involvement. I actually feel a lot better having made this decision

I'm glad being away has given you some insight. Divorce is always hard, hugs and prayers.

I'm glad being away has given you some insight. Divorce is always hard, hugs and prayers.

thank you

Good luck! Getting to that point was the hardest part for me. Now I am remarried & couldn't be happier!!

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The fact that you're feeling calmer and looking ahead tells you something important.

Stay connected here. It's helped me stay on track during my divorce. [emoji175]

So glad the panic attacks have subsided! That's telling, isn't it? I mean, you left, and they subsided. Wishing you a future as bright as the spring sunshine.

So glad to hear you are doing better. Sending hugs.

You are going to be just fine.

Your parents sound awesome. I am glad you have them and can count on them.

Glad to hear you are staying somewhere safe and sound and surrounded by people who love you and will provide you with support. You'll always know their only agenda is ensure you are happy and safe.

In this environment you can perhaps relax and think objectively and decide what the best courses of actions are to take.

You Dad nailed it....great time to gather your resources and get things settled in your life. Great time to find yourself and make peace with her......before making any other relationship connections.

Sometimes, if we are fortunate, we'll get times in our life that are highly conducive to reflection and taking inventory. it's what we do with what we find that makes all the difference.

For me....this time came last April & May. It was a game changer and I am so very grateful for this quiet time. All the daily noise was silent. I was afforded weeks of silence.....weeks to think and look within. What I saw was very disturbing.....and powerfully motivating. So grateful for this opportunity.

You are blessed to have this opportunity. Cherish your parents and know that they have your back.....as do each of us here. You are among friends.

For all the trauma that comes with abuse and separation and divorce, the end prize is Peace of Mind.

When I left my mean ol' rotten ex 9 1/2 years ago, I spent the first night in a women's shelter. Since I had squirreled away my lunch money for months and bled the bank account (I did leave him $100 for groceries), I had some funds to find other shelter after that.

I needed to stay around a couple of weeks while the shelter people got me through the restraining order process and divorce filing.....also, the county paid for my divorce since the reason was domestic violence.

What I did was go to the next county over, to a little Ma and Pa motel and rented a room for a couple of weeks. On a scale of 1-10 for comfort and amenities, it was clear 1.5. I will give it some credit for being hidden in some woods behind an apartment complex where my car was hidden from sight.

Anyway, my point is that the teensty little room with lousy furniture and no kitchenette was like heaven to me. I was safe and had peace of mind for the first time in ten years. I knew from that point that I would be alright and able to move forward.

Your parents are doing what my sister in another state did for me. She took me in and supported me while I found a job and earned enough money to break out on my own.

Hang in there girl. Sometimes the hardest decisions are the most rewarding decisions.

Thank you everyone. You guys are awesome