To Tell or Not to Tell?

[ellie123 374]

Weight loss is such a personal journey...a hairball of the bliss of eating favorite foods, complex emotions, compulsions, defeating behaviors, shame, embarrassment, resentment, and the list goes on and on. No one wants to admit that they can't control what goes into their mouth. I'm coming up on my surgery Nov 2nd...and frankly, if I could, I would tell no one at all! Some of it is the former, but also, from having my lapband surgery, it added sooo much pressure, having people watch everything I ate, asking me how much weight I've lost each time I saw them, saying insensitive comments and remarks, etc...and then it was what they did not say, as I put the weight back on slowly but surely...I could almost hear what they were thinking while watching me eat. My mother falls into the category of people I don't want to tell. I love her dearly, but she's a stoic, non understanding person, who, when I had the lapband, called up each and every one of her thousands of friends to "in confidence" express her fears over my decision, and to ask their opinion. I was mortified at how many people knew, way before I was willing to share...

When I loose weight, folks will surely ask how, and I'm not sure how to circumvent lying. I don't want to be dishonest, but then again, I don't feel like I need to share my personal and medical choices with certain folks... I will need all my mental energy to focus on learning to use this tool to loose weight, rather than appease peoples curiosity and deal with their remarks and opinions.

So in short, just wondering, if you decided to tell or not to tell. And if not, how you coup with the inevitable questions that will come.

[Miss Mac 6,261]

If you have just one support person who can wait out your surgery and recovery and take you home two days later, you can sneak this under the radar. Most hospitals require a support person to be on the premises during the operation. Once you have it done, she can raise a ruckess, but she can't undo the deed. Let the little dogs bark.

I wish you the best. Ben Franklin said, "To whom thy secrets thou does tell, to him thy freedom thou doest sell."

[OutsideMatchInside 10,166]

I only told 3 friends out of state. One flew in to be with me for surgery and recovery. My weight loss is steady but it is not crazy fast so people are not curious about my weight loss, since it is obvious and I am eating less and working out more.

I decided not to tell people, just because once you tell people you have no control over who they tell and there are some people in my life that would use this information as a weapon.

So if you are losing weight by eating less and moving more that is all you have to tell people. I think not telling people removes a lot of stress. No one is constantly asking my about what I am eating, how much weight I am losing, etc. I just get to focus on my weight loss.

[itstimealready 180]

I agree. I'm not planning on telling anyone either. I've lost weight before so it's not a big shock for anyone. Being able to compare notes and have someone to talk to makes this forum especially valuable when there's no one else you're planning on telling!

I'm going to have to ask if they'll release me to an Uber driver. Lol

[VSG_RN 2]

I echo your thoughts exactly. In the last year I have come to the decision that I wanted VSG. I just got my referral from my primary care. I have discussed with no one but my husband and my two coworkers (on who has had the surgery and one who is going to have the surgery). I do not want to tell ANYONE else. My husband tells me I need to tell my mom who I am very close with. But even my own mother is hard for me to tell. We have both been obese or overweight our whole lives, and I feel that she would look down upon it or try to talk me out of it. I don't want judgement or any one try to 'convince' me to do otherwise. I have researched for a whole year and come to my decision. If people ask me about my weight loss, I will tell them I am eating less and exercising more (which will honestly be the truth). Possibly in the future I will be willing to share. But at this time being pre-op, I am only able to feel comfortable telling the 3 people mentioned above.

[ellie123 374]

Thank you all so much for the insights, and I especially LOOOVE this quote that Miss Mac posted. How true is that. There are many a times I wish I'd shared less...

If you have just one support person who can wait out your surgery and recovery and take you home two days later, you can sneak this under the radar. Most hospitals require a support person to be on the premises during the operation. Once you have it done, she can raise a ruckess, but she can't undo the deed. Let the little dogs bark.

I wish you the best. Ben Franklin said, "To whom thy secrets thou does tell, to him thy freedom thou doest sell."

[itstimealready 180]

I'm not afraid of anyone talking me out of it - ha good luck! - I just don't want snide people whispering and discounting me when I get slim and glam again!

[IvyDoll13 4]

I'm 10 days post op and I told only 1 friend! Haven't told any of my family, my job thinks I went on vacation. I haven't told a soul and it's because people are way too judgmental and watch your weight harder than you do! Right before surgery my surgeon asked if there was anyone in the waiting room and I told him no. He asked if I wanted to him to call anyone once it was over and I said no thanks. I stayed in the hospital for 2 days, discharged and took an uber home!

[itstimealready 180]

I totally intend to take an uber home! Haha good job Ivydol13!

Edited October 12, 2015 by itstimealready

[StephanieA 13]

Hi, my name is Stephanie and I am new here. I totally agree with keeping this to myself and I was wondering how you got around the whole reason for surgery to be off work? I have to go on short term disability, even it if it is just for a week and I don't want to tell my boss the reason for my surgery, but I know he will ask because we are friends. Does anyone else have a situation like this? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

[hollybower 122]

I haven't told anyone but my husband my mother in law and my kids. My sister is extremely morbidly obese and she cries and talks about her weight to me often. So I don't want to tell her because I feel like it would make her feel worse that I am able to do this and she can't/or won't.

[IvyDoll13 4]

Hi, my name is Stephanie and I am new here. I totally agree with keeping this to myself and I was wondering how you got around the whole reason for surgery to be off work? I have to go on short term disability, even it if it is just for a week and I don't want to tell my boss the reason for my surgery, but I know he will ask because we are friends. Does anyone else have a situation like this? Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks!

Hi Stephanie - I avoided using STD because of the documentation and going back n forth with HR. Instead of breaking our time into vacation/sick/holiday, etc., my job gives us PTO to use however we want. So I just told them I was going on vacation. I had surgery on a Thursday so I took that day, Friday, and the following week off. Came back to work the next Monday. I personally felt like a week was more than enough time for me. If you absolutely have to use STD, by law I don't think you necessarily have to disclose the exact reason. You could just say you're having a medical procedure done and that's it.

[PayItForward 207]

I haven't told anyone but my husband my mother in law and my kids. My sister is extremely morbidly obese and she cries and talks about her weight to me often. So I don't want to tell her because I feel like it would make her feel worse that I am able to do this and she can't/or won't.

Won't your sister eventually find out that you had the surgery? Or at least, notice that you are losing lots of weight quickly?

[hollybower 122]

I would rather her notice and be motivated to lose herself rather than tell her and her feel like its unattainable for her to get the surgery instead.

[StephanieA 13]

I have had a change of heart on this topic. I've decided I want to be open about my surgery because all of the changes in my weight, diet and exercise are going to be a huge part of who I am. I am also not ashamed of my choice to get the surgery - it is a positive step in the right direction for my health and life. In fact, I think by being open about it maybe I will help someone else who doesn't realize they may have this option as well. If there are some who want to judge me for this, what do I care? Let them have their opinions. The people I care about all support my decision. ????