Another "I told some people at work and some friends" thread :-)

[no onions 258]

I've lurked on the boards long enough to know that many people choose to keep their surgery entirely private, some are very public and some tell a few people. I recently told my team (@work) that I would be taking a LOA for about 4-weeks. I decided that I wouldn't tell them why, but changed my mind during the conversation. I was very prepared for any negative reactions - they did not come. They were nothing but supportive. I didn't realize just how emotional I am over this entire issue (weight, surgery, etc) until I actually started speaking. Typically, I'm pretty reserved, but during this conversation - I felt like crying. Anyway, good experience, moving on..

I told a friend (who had lap-band) and she was interested and not judgmental. She did explain that she wasn't happy with her lap-band, but understood that my surgery was a different tool. This conversation was pleasant and I wasn't emotional about it. So moving on...

I told another good friend (she is overweight) and she was obviously concerned. One of the things she said to me, "I feel like people who have surgery just haven't tried hard enough." I sort-of expected that she might have a judgmental response and was prepared for it. I simply replied, that "20+ years of trying very hard, finding success and weight loss, but not being able to keep the weight off, is very hard work and doesn't indicate any lack of trying on anyone's part." What can one say to that? Not much if they are even slightly thoughtful and self-aware. I went on to explain that she needs to reconsider her mindset - people use the surgery as a tool, not a panacea. WLS is not a quick fix, it's not magic.

With all of the above said, I'm glad I told the people I mentioned. It's a personal decision and not for everyone. If you choose to discuss WLS with others, be prepared for a variety of reactions from them and from yourself.

Best of luck to everyone!

[jeanniereenie 177]

i only chose to tell a few people at work, the ones that needed to be in the loop basically until the day before surgery, then i told people around me what was going on, and they were (with the exception of a few) very happy for me and supportive, i did however notice that now that i am back, everyone is on a diet lol

they seem to be very aware of what im eating and not eating! some of them having to leave the room when i eat my pureed spinach

my family knew about it and were supportive as well...

i have learned about those that had an opinion or didnt support me, had their own issues, it had nothing to do with me

[jaxmom1974 53]

I'm finding that my overweight friends are the least supportive. I really didn't expect this. One of my most overweight friends responded by telling me that she had a good friend at work that had WLS and they are no longer friends because they have nothing in common. That really set me back. I didn't even know how to respond.

[Remmy75 32]

I am just starting the process but I decided to tell my immediate team members and boss.

I felt like I owed my team that much as I am out periodically for appointments now. I also work in IT and a lot of our work load is scheduled released so they need to be aware when I be gone to adjust the work load.

So far all positives in that group. They all wish me well since they don't want anything bad to happened as they would be screwed without me! Haha!

[mlilwood 13]

I told my BFF, who has had the bypass, and she was unsupportive. Still not sure what or who to tell at work.

[Lizzie1957 10]

I too am struggling with who to tell. The biggest decision is whether to tell my mother. She has always been my biggest critic regarding my weight but, I know if I tell her, she will just say "you don't have to do that. You just need to quit eating so damn much." So depressing.

[jaterika 38]

I told my friends even though some had negative views they still support me and ask about my recovery my family was supportive at my job I only told a few who I talk to and one had the bypass which inspired me to get the sleeve, she helps me a lot to see the positive side so I'm very thankful, but to each is own your friends are supposed to be there regardless of the circumstances that's y they are our friends and if they can't accept your lifestyle change apparently their not true friends

[VSGAnn2014 12,992]

I told my BFF, who has had the bypass, and she was unsupportive. Still not sure what or who to tell at work.

Fascinating!

[Rochellevsg 38]

I'm finding that my overweight friends are the least supportive. I really didn't expect this. One of my most overweight friends responded by telling me that she had a good friend at work that had WLS and they are no longer friends because they have nothing in common. That really set me back. I didn't even know how to respond.

I'm curious as to what she meant by they "no longer have anything in common"? I think she's jealous of people losing weight.

Edited June 12, 2015 by Rochellevsg

[BestDayEver 418]

My husband, children and family members have been very supportive. However my BFF is very unhappy I had the surgery and is not supportive. She is approx 150 pounds overweight. I'm not sure what to make of it and she does not want to talk about it. All I know is that I have no regrets and no one will keep from my weight loss goal!

[Margie122 845]

I have told very few people I am going to have surgery. A total of 8 people know I'm having surgery and one is my mother. I'm sure more people will realize something is different after surgery, but I just don't feel the need to tell many people my personal business. I've learned a lot of good ways of dealing with negative and positive people who ask about how much weight you've lost here on the boards. I'm just going to say "a lot" and leave it at that.

[Slim-Shady 79]

My sister and I are doing this together. We've told our mother, and my husband ONLY. That's all we intend to tell! We expect the questions, the whispers, and the unsupportive people. We are even expecting the ones who will pretend to be supportive, but are actually the biggest haters! Makes us no nevermind; we are excited about our journey, not them! Hate on haters!

[Ktprimo 63]

My best friend of 30 years broke my heart with her response when I told her a week ago. She said "I suppose you'll be getting new skinny friends when you get skinny. Guess I'll have to find a new best friend."

She quickly made an excuse to hang up with me after that and I haven't talked to her since then.

Both my mother and mother-in-law have called numerous times to try to talk me out of it. I don't know what the heck is wrong with these people I considered my biggest supporters.

I am so disappointed.

Thank God I have an amazing husband to stand by me and hold my hand when everyone else is letting me down.

[Mandyctr 75]

You know what's funny? I haven't held back on telling anyone and I haven't gotten the first negative comment. I'm sure someone somewhere has something negative to say, but they've even smart enough to keep it to themselves. And outside my close circle (who are all supportive), I guess I don't really care what people think. I guess that's why I'm so open with it. Huh. I've never given it much thought.

[BestDayEver 418]

My best friend of 30 years broke my heart with her response when I told her a week ago. She said "I suppose you'll be getting new skinny friends when you get skinny. Guess I'll have to find a new best friend."

She quickly made an excuse to hang up with me after that and I haven't talked to her since then.

Both my mother and mother-in-law have called numerous times to try to talk me out of it. I don't know what the heck is wrong with these people I considered my biggest supporters.

I am so disappointed.

Thank God I have an amazing husband to stand by me and hold my hand when everyone else is letting me down.