They warn you for a reason

[Lebim 381]

Before you have gastric bypass they warn you of a few things.

1. You can gain the weight back

2. Alcoholism is a possible side effect after surgery

3. food that used to fill you up or make you sick won't do that as much after awhile

4. Smoking cigarettes causes ulcers post-op

My mom always says no matter how much I'm warned - I've always had to learn every lesson the hard way. Gastric bypass was that way too.

My story is just a warning for all you newbies out there - all the stuff they warn you about is real.

Hey, I'm Kaylee and I had my surgery when I was 20 years old on June 11, 2012. I was 280lbs. In less than 8 months I got down to 150 lbs, 130lbs lost.

For the first 9 months I was insanely strict. If it wasn't a lean Protein or a non-starchy vegetable I wouldn't eat it. Couldn't pay me to eat a carb. While this is good health wise and I'm sure made my surgical team sing - it was the start of my inevitable failure. I was so strict that after awhile all the foods I had denied myself even a nibble of became so enticing I felt ravenous.

My first screw up was picking up smoking again almost a year after I quit. Pure stupidity, I was just bored and thought I could do it socially, wrong. Got ulcers and have had them for over a year and a half. Without acid reducer pills I'm in a lot of pain.

Breaking that golden rule led me to break other rules because hey, I already screwed up right? I started having those forbidden foods I had not allowed myself to even look at for such a long time. Bites turned into mouth fulls turned into plate fulls.

Then came introducing wine back into my life. I suffer from depression and when you don't have to put effort into getting drunk anymore it is so appealing. I fought depression with wine and started drinking every single night - going through a box of wine every 3 days or so.

I then moved from sunny south Florida, away from all my friends, to cold Missouri in the middle of January 2014. I fell into a deep depression and my drinking got worse, and since I was waiting for all my stuff to arrive in the moving truck I lived off hot pockets, Bagels, pretty much anything I could toss in a microwave or toaster. I ate crap, drank daily and smoked like a chimney for pretty much the entire year of 2014, all the while pretending my scale didn't exist and convincing myself my clothes were shrinking and I wasn't getting bigger. I was too ashamed and terrified to look at the scale.< /p>

I finally got up the courage to face what I had done to myself the start of January 2015 and got on the scale. 204lbs. In the span of one year I had gained 54lbs. I felt disgusted with myself and cried for days and days and beat myself up emotionally. I failed everyone, especially myself.

But nothing good comes from beating yourself up over what you cannot take back. I can't take back living on bagels and wine for an entire year. What I can do is fight to get back to 150lbs though.

So on January 12 I quit smoking, quit drinking every day and have reduced it to just Saturday's with my boyfriend at home versus my downtown-bad-habit-factory, and have gotten close to back to basics but allow myself some freedom - for example for lunch on days I work out I let myself have my chicken and veggies inside a wrap [carbs are my crack] instead of depriving myself of anything I want.

I want very badly to get back down to 150lbs... I'm terrified I never will and have somehow ruined this "one and only chance" I've made up in my head. Like I had this wonderful gift of being thin and now that I messed it up I'll never get it back, but I know that type of thinking won't help me. So I'm going to keep going and hopefully someday get back to it.

If you've actually made it this far, thank you, I really needed to get this horrible guilt off my chest. I feel like an absolute failure but getting it out helps.

So advice to all you n00bs:

1. Yes you can gain it back, I'm an example.

2. Becoming an alcoholic is a real risk you need to watch out for post op.

3. You will be surprised how much food you can get into your body if you really try

4. If you quit smoking never pick it up again, I didn't even have a desire to smoke and managed to become a pack a day smoker again within a month. Not even one after you quit.

And most of all - NEVER EVER stop using your scale. I ignored what I was doing for so long and that's how I ended up gaining the amount I did. If I had just looked a couple months before and saw 175lbs I would've done what I'm doing now back then. I would have never let it get this bad if I had just swallowed my pride and looked. I'm lucky that I caught myself when I did because I was headed towards being morbidly obese again.

Good luck to you all - try not to make all the mistakes I did.

Here's to hoping I can look like this again

Edited January 29, 2015 by Lebim

[bewell 222]

Thank you so much for having the courage to share your story. It is one I needed to hear. I wish you the best, you deserve it. I hope you can be gentle and kind to yourself. Why not, beating ourselves up didn't work in the past, it won't work today.

This is just my take on my disease. I do have a eating disorder. I needed WLS to help me have any chance at a normal life, a normal weight. But I also need a lot of help and support and yes, a shrink to help me with my crazy habitual and lifelong relationship with food. Any WLS can be beat and the same thoughts that got me into trouble and obese don't magically go away when I have WLS.

[Cupcake 801]

First thank you for sharing you got this you did it once and you can do it again, stay focus take one day at a time and now that you realize your mistakes you know what not to do. Sharing your story helps everyone to recognize their mistakes as well as prevent future mistakes. You will get back to your goal I know you will.

[LilMissDiva Irene 3,281]

You absolute CAN take it back. Take it back by fighting back and getting back on track. Your story is not as uncommon as most might think. Turn it around now, and be grateful that you did face the facts and stepped on that scale. You are stronger than your demons, don't let them win this time.

Hugs to you, you absolutely have it in you. You've already proven that.

[blashlee 509]

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm a new patient (prep-op gastric bypass) and regaining weight is one of my biggest fears because just about every effort I've ever made to lose weight has resulted in regaining all the lost weight back and more. People who are not overweight don't realize that for us it is a daily struggle and something we have to carry for life. Good luck, you sound so determined and I hope you get back on track!

[uberfabulosa 6]

This really helped me come to grips with the fact that I must leave the ciggarettes for good. I can't smoke at all after I'm good and heal.

[almostime2bme 25]

Chin up girl! You are still ahead of the game. Be thankful that you caught yourself when u did. Your pic is beautiful but I'm sure you are still beautiful. I will be 3 years post op July 2. I struggle to stay below 150. I weigh myself weekly and adjust my eating accordingly. You've got this!

[outlawqueen 0]

Thank you so much for you candor I have the smoking issue too and the ulcer issue but .. Still doing it

I am diligent on the scale but not eating as I should .. Or drinking my Water. However I do not allow myself more than. 3 lbs I panic so ...

You can do this just don't try to do it all at one time!! My advice do you food first once you are in control try the smokes .. Too much is just too much

I think you will do great .. Day at a time girl!!! Keep that photo on your fridge!!

I had so many people telling me about people gaining their weight back. .. Wasn't that special ... Grrrr

[leag78 469]

Thank you so much for sharing your story it really helps me with the smoking problem I have. I know it wasn't easy to share, and remember you are now back in control.

[lexiemustang 268]

Thanks for sharing your story and being so candid. Just know that you have a group of people here to support you.

[Sjane 6]

I love the fact that you're fighting this and not giving up. Please know that you're not alone. I gained back 29 pounds that I'd lost and felt the same way. I'd already ruined my shot at this so why bother. But I'm trying my best to get back on track. I believe you can do this. You're determined now and that will take you far. Good luck!!

Samantha