Am I selfish for doing this?

[bayla1212 5]

I am excited but antsy...cant wait for this part to be over with! Lol How are you feeling?

[jillstl 55]

I can't imagine all the thoughts that are going through your head right now. I'm sure that you're mentally prepared for what's ahead of you but anxious to have it over with. Please stay in touch in let me know how you're doing how your feeling. I'm doing well I'm on my pre op down five pounds.

[mykdzmom 388]

I am 41 years old. BMI of 49 and a weight loss failure. I have lost over a hundred pounds three times in my life and gained it back plus more through various diets. I always considered myself in fairly good health for being as large as I was... That is up until 2 years ago, when my joints started hurting terribly. Lower back pain, hip pain,shoulder pain... weak ankles and plantar fasciitis. I have been getting cortisone shots for almost 2 years. My husband is not supportive of weight loss surgery.. he thinks it's weak. Anyone else without a support system?

Hello jillstl, when I start to question my decision about WLS I try to take my same circumstances and apply them to a loved one or dear friend and then ask the question.

So, if you had watched your dearest struggle as you have and she asked you if she was being selfish, what would you say?

Good luck on your journey!

[temolo 4]

No you're not selfish for taking care of yourself. Selfish is NOT doing whatever you can to be there for your family.

Edited February 3, 2015 by temolo

[jillstl 55]

Hello jillstl, when I start to question my decision about WLS I try to take my same circumstances and apply them to a loved one or dear friend and then ask the question.

So, if you had watched your dearest struggle as you have and she asked you if she was being selfish, what would you say?

Good luck on your journey!

[jillstl 55]

Hello jillstl, when I start to question my decision about WLS I try to take my same circumstances and apply them to a loved one or dear friend and then ask the question.

So, if you had watched your dearest struggle as you have and she asked you if she was being selfish, what would you say?

Good luck on your journey![/quote

Thank you for that. I just keep thinking that if I don't do it now while I can that I will regret it later if my health problems getting more serious.

I've paid my deposit and am going to keep looking ahead.

[Possum87 6]

I had a similar problem to this. Initially when I decided to go down the path of getting a gastric sleeve, I decided to hide it from my husband because I knew that he would be unsupportive. I was going to take my mother to my first consult with the doctor instead. But, my mother was just as unsupportive. I was so saddened that I had no support that I went and cried to my best friend... Who also happens to be my husband. After many long talks and boarder line arguments, he said that he didn't approve or agree with what I wanted to do, but that he would support me. He put in place one clause, he asked me to hold off on my first consult until February. If he could show the leadership I needed him to show in regards to losing weight and exercising, then I had to agree to give him one final shot at losing weight "naturally". If he couldn't, then I could do what I want.

Mid Jan this year, his best friend (a doctor) came over and my husband bought up my decision to have surgery in hopes of getting ammo to use against me in arguments. My husbands main arguments were that it was weak minded and a quick fix. His doctor friend looked at him and told him that actually what I was doing was a good thing. It wasn't weak minded at all. In fact it's strength of mind to be able to admit to your short comings and take action to fix them. Rather than doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result, it was time to try something different.

In the morning on the way to work my husband told me about the conversation he had with his doctor friend and, long story short, we are both going to the consult together on Feb 20th so we can both have the surgery.

I think sometimes men need a mans perspective. Get one of his friends on side if you can, then get his friend to talk him into supporting you. Also, remind him that he doesn't have to agree with what you're doing, but if he loves you and wants you to be happy, then he needs to support you regardless.

Good luck, love. Xx

[jillstl 55]

That's amazing that he changed his perspective once your friend supported your decision. My husband is at the "you're going to do what you're going to do so it doesn't matter what I say" point. He can be a little bit childish when it comes to not getting his way in a conversation, that's generally how he handles it and I've come to accept that over the years. Like you, I tried explaining to him that this decision didn't come easy for me and that it truly wasn't the easy way out because as much as I love food...I know that I have a problem with self control. His retort is always," you never stick to anything, you quit every diet so how would you know if it could work if you didn't stick with it? I suppose that's partially true because even though I've lost a lot of weight through the years and gained it back, I never stuck with one plan and fully reached my goal. I would always stop before that and gained it all back plus. I wish that I had a doctor friend who could explain to him but I don't. I think that over time that he will become more supportive. How exciting for you that your husband is going to actually take the journey with you you couldn't ask for a better support system than that good for you!!

[Possum87 6]

You don't know any of his friends that could appeal to his supportive nature?

[WendyMay 13]

Does he have a supportive nature? Please don't kick yourself for not being successful on your diet. If you were, you wouldn't be here, and you are just like the rest of us. DIet after diet after diet! We need this tool in order to be successful!

Wendy

[jillstl 55]

I wholeheartedly agree that is normally the case when someone else subscribes to my opinion he'll buy into it a lot easier. The thing is is that I haven't told but just a couple coworkers about it because I don't want the outpour of negativity that could possibly come along with this. I don't really have any close friends. There are a few military couples that we get together with about once a month and have dinner but aside from that I don't really associate with anyone other than my husband. I think after my surgery I'll probably open up more about it. we've been married for so long and he has seen me through a gazillion diets I think that he's just lost faith and thinks that I have zero willpower. I know once the surgery is over that he will come around. He might not be my cheerleader but he's not going to constantly criticize me either.

[jillstl 55]

I am so sorry you have so much to deal with on this. My husband would also say I'm doing this the easy way but I do not plan to tell him! LOL. I separated from him over a year ago b/c of longstanding problems in our marriage, one of them being that he was never supportive of my trying to lose weight. He's been thin all his life, ate whatever he wanted, and ran. He thinks that would work for anyone and thought I was lazy for not being able to lose weight. And when I did lose a significant amount, he not only ignored it, he made fun of my diet choices (low carb) and refused to do anything to help like not having sweets in the house. (btw, I am NOT suggesting your husband is like this at all)

Anyway, I know you said your insurance has an exclusion, but have you tried appealing that? Can you show them how much money they've spent on your health problems related to obesity, and point out how much more they are likely to spend in the future (even joint replacement surgery at some point) if you don't have this? With your BMI and other problems already it would be an automatic approval for most insurances.

If it is through your employer, possibly they have that exclusion to have a lower premium but you might be able to lobby them directly, pointing out how they probably cover things like treatment for smoking-related problems, as well as stop smoking programs, and smoking is definitely a lifestyle choice, not something that happens to a person without their doing it. Unlike obesity.

I wish you luck in achieving this!

[jillstl 55]

Actually your husband and mine have a lot in common. my husband is naturally thin, was in the military for a long time and really does not gain weight...regardless of what he eats or drinks.

Again something else in common. Every time I would go on Atkins or something similar that restricted a certain food, he would criticize....saying that I just need to eat smaller portions and I would lose weight if I exercise enough.

I am a binge eater and a carb addict. It's my battle to fight. I did get my surgery date of March 23rd. I'm self pay, and having it done in Mexico. I feel confident in my decision. My PCP will do my follow up labs.

Edited February 4, 2015 by jillstl

[drmeow 323]

Yay! I'm so happy for you! I have already decided that if my insurance turns me down (my BMI is just below 40 and I have co-morbids but my doctor's office said they may deny it anyway since I don't have diabetes, which is apparently the automatic shoe-in), I will go ahead and do self-pay. I will probably do it here, though.

I'm a carb eater too, which is why low carb works best for me, and my STBexH will never understand that. I'm not even telling him, since we are separated. Two of my kids know, the ones which will be supportive and also not say anything to him; the other one would use that against me to gain points with his dad so he is not being told. I have a lot of adhesions from my previous gallbladder operation which are going to be removed; as far as they know, that's what i'm going in for

oh, and my husband is also longtime ex-military. Maybe boot camp does that to you. Or maybe people like that are drawn to the military. My oldest son, though, is a Marine and he's one of my biggest supporters.

Wow, March 23rd - not too long now!

[jillstl 55]

It's really our business only anyway. If I didn't have to explain my absence, I would have just kept it to myself.

I wish that I could have afforded to do mine locally without going into debt which he would have a coronary about. I just drew a little out of my 401k. I'm glad you have a good supporti e child. My son is 24 and a personal trainer. He too believes this is too extreme. Meanwhile, I struggle to walk on my feet from my plantar fasciitis. Geez...I am just going to focus on getting ready for this. I am happy for the first time in a long time. I hope it works for you too.