Totally off topic, just need somewhere to share

[CarmenLeAn 99]

I have some mental health issues. This time of year is very hard on me. Tried to get into my therapist today, but he's on vacation this week. So I have some really good friends that I trust helping to get through.

Yesterday I was at my daughters visiting and realized I had lost one of my diamond earrings. My heart is broken. My husband gave them to me 13 years ago on Christmas eve. First and last time he has ever surprised me. Fast forward 4 or 5 years I had a complete mental break. So bad that I am on disability.

That being said my husband has a problem drinking and driving. Been caught four times. The last 2 were felonies. He's been on in house arrest twice. He hasn't had a drink in over. 3 years. We have lost everything twice because of this.. THe last time he was on in house he was working, but we had to pay a fee every week for him to be on it. During this time we flat broke. He lost our storage shed which had china that my cousin had sent from Japan for my high school graduation. He pawned all my jewlery including my wedding ring. He swore he would get it back for me of course that never happened. I asked him for a wedding ring for Christmas 6 months ago. Our local pawn shop has lay a way. He didn't listen or didn't care. He's lost 2 good jobs because of his issues.

He works 4pm to 4am so I am alone every night. He makes no effort to get up and spend any time with me. I do everything I can to make his life easier at home, because I want to and because I feel it is part of my job as a stay at home wife. I can't afford to leave him and I love the dumb lug.

I feel like we are poor white trash. My dad gave me a car because he felt sorry for me. The only reason we live in a decent house is because his mother passed away. He complains about his job, but he's lucky to have one with 2 felonies.. I'm tired of being taken for granted.

I had surgery because I was eating myself to death. He very rarely makes positive comments. He's not negative and he supports me, but he doesn't seem to notice that I look damn good. I've lost 137lbs and he doesn't notice. I don't know what to do anymore. I"m sad, depressed and lonely. I'm sorry for talking about this here, but I had no where else to turn. I'm tired of feeling like I don't matter. Thanks for listening. Hope everyone had a Merry Christmas

[BeagleLover 1,020]

Congratulations on your successful surgery and weight loss! Sounds like you've been through it. I hope you can find a way to have peace of mind. You deserve it!

[pink dahlia 2,513]

Congratulations on everything that you'e accomplished !!! You're a winner !!!! You took a problem ( your weight ) and came up with solutions to make your life better. You worked hard to find a better life or yourself, even though it wasn't easy. Now , look at another problem ( your husband ) and come up with solutions to make your life better, again. Your husbands problems are not always yours to fix, you need to draw a line between helping him and enabling him . Hope this helps, sending you hugs !!

[shellyd88 463]

U deserve a huge congrats on taking control of your health I can relate to your situation with husband the thing I have realized is that when ppl have these types of issues and don't learn from the life altering consequences of their choices and things haven't changed up to now they aren't likely to they are unable or unwilling to to alter their behavior due to their addiction I've come to realize these ppl cannot be counted on for any kind of support as they are too caught up in their own issues to be of help to others u have to decide how many times u are willing to "lose everything " to start over again... Until it happens again... u deserve better u may have to be your own best support and take control of other aspects as well it's a very liberating feeling all the best to you

[mrsto 2,925]

Congrats on your huge weight loss success. Well done!

My knee jerk reaction to "life with your husband", is that it's time to kick him to the curb and move on with your life. But I also know, that is easier said than done.

From your picture, you look pretty young. What do you see in your life ahead with your husband? Is that a place you'd like to be in 5-10-15-20 years from now? With all of the tumult, is your love for him greater than having the life you deserve? Maybe right now you can't afford to leave, but staying with a long term human drain, can you really afford to stay? I agree with shellyd88 above, to take control of other aspects of your life; maybe go back to school and learn a trade so you can ultimately support yourself. It's amazing how a window opens; opportunities seem to appear when we remove ourselves from toxic environments. You've already proved your strength by having WLS and dropping 135 lbs. That is AWESOME! What I wish for you, is that step is the first toward strengthening yourself to go after that which is your right to have. Believe me, what you're in doesn't need to be that way. You cannot change your husband.....no mater how much you care for him. But you can change your situation, and claim a better life.

I wish you all the best......

Edited December 31, 2014 by mrsto

[gowalking 10,790]

After my first husband passed away, I thought the worst thing in the world was to be alone. I found out after being married to my second husband for a few years, that being alone is easy compared to laying in bed next to someone and still feel all alone. Nothing worse than that.

I knew he would never make the first move to break up the marriage so I found the strength to do it. Surprisingly we found that living apart was much better for us than being together and we stayed friends long after the marriage ended.

All I can say to you is that you must be a strong woman to have tackled you weight issues under difficult circumstances. That tells me you have the strength to tackle anything else you need to in order to improve you life. Talk to your therapist about practical plans and solutions to making the changes you need to.

I thought I was weak and pitiful till my therapist laid out my accomplishments and made me realize just how strong I really am. Good luck and feel free to ask for help and support from us. We care and hope to help however we can.

[JustWatchMe 7,117]

You are a WLS success and don't ever forget that. Even if he doesn't acknowledge it. Mine did not either. It's not why I left him this year (he is emotionally and mentally and verbally and financially abusive to me and my daughters) but it is why I got WLS. I needed the strength to make changes and once I got my food under control it happened. It isn't easy and my divorce has just begun, but I know I am capable of taking care of myself. I got my confidence back. I wish you the same.