Dealing with Naysayers...

[coastalchick 61]

The closer I get to my surgery date of Dec. 18th the worse my family, and friends alike are behaving. I had great support in the begining, but now they are crumbling on me. I am getting a lot of comments that come from a place of concern, but are undermining my confidence. The worst comment was that this is "the most selfish decision I could make". Yeah, it hurt at first, then it just P'eed me off. I need to focus right now, and it's just very difficult to do it without support. But honestly, if I hear one more story of "I have a friend who's aunt had that surgery, and died from it", I'm gonna commite a level 1 felony. Has anyone else had to deal with this?

[Djmohr 6,965]

Yes, all the time! I hear about people who either had horrendous complications or lost all their weight and then gained it all right back. I think some people are afraid of what they really know nothing about. I have found the best way to shut them up is to help them understand that I went into the with a great deal of reseach before moving forward. I understand the risks and the benefits to me outweigh those risks. I am one of those people who have no problem telling people that I have had WLS. I also let them know that I am no longer a diabetic, don't have high cholesterol, high blood pressure and my kidney disease has improved.

Usually when they start hearing about what it can do to help someone with real medical issues or someone who is obese who has these issues to look forward to, they then back off. Many times it really does come out of fear for your safety. There are those that are simply malicious and don't want to see you thinner than them. That too can be fear related.

Good luck, don't let them get the best of you. Remember all the reasons why you chose to go down this path in the first place.

[coastalchick 61]

@ Djmohr, thank you for your insight. It helps knowing I'm not alone on this subject.

[thin-for-kidney 21]

@@Djmohr what kind of kidney disease do you have??

[Djmohr 6,965]

I have stage 3 CKD

[Steviefan1 126]

Darlin' your friends and family will be eating their own words (pun intended!) When your health and body dramatically improve with your WLS. The tension will melt a way, and turn into into support when they see your results, and how HAPPY you are. Trust me.

[MarylandCrab 25]

This is my first post on this forum. Coastalchick, thank you for sharing this. I just had my first appt yesterday with the doc to start this process. I've told my husband and my mother because I knew they would be supportive, but I am so afraid to tell anyone else. I'm not usually like that -- usually my life is an open book! But I'm afraid friends and relatives will not be supportive and will judge me.

I hope things get better for you. I think you know, as I do, that in the end this is really nobody's business but ours. Still, it's not fun getting talked about behind your back or being judged or hearing the horror stories!!

[girlfrompa 0]

I hope your family and friends become supportive because I think that is so important. I have only told a few people about my surgery so far, I'm having it done in March. I think they are trying to be supportive but I can definitely tell no one in my family wants me to get it done. I have been putting off telling others because I just don't want them to judge me which I know will happen. I probably need to tell my work soon since I will need to take time off but kinda dreading telling them. I have a couple friends that have had this done some many years ago and one within the past month and they are very supportive because they have been where I am.

[orionova 27]

How in the world is taking care of your long-term health selfish??? Are you so rich that they want you to die early so they can get their share of your estate? Yes, in the short (very short in the scheme of things) term, you will be relying on their help as you recover. But that is far outweighed by the improvement in your health. Tell them that if they can't say anything positive about your surgery, to keep their mouths shut. Your mind is made up, and that's final.

[anaxila 501]

The worst comment was that this is "the most selfish decision I could make".

I'm totally with @@orionova on this one: I literally can't imagine a scenario where that statement makes sense. No matter how I twist up my face or stand on my head or try to look at it from another angle, this just comes back as crazytalk. I can't imagine dealing with that objection, and I give you all the props in the world if you're able to keep your cool in that conversation. Know that we're here for you.

[sheri3376 0]

It is selfish in a, way for us to make this decision. We are doing what is best for us. For our futures. You need to be selfish right now. It is your body, and this is your time to take care of you. There is nothing wrong with thst. I think people confuse self preservation with selfishness. People will think what they will. This is for you. You are the only opinon that matters.

[coastalchick 61]

I agree with all of you, if being selfish helps to improve my diabetes, hyperlipidemia, sleep apnea, and increases my quality of life, as well as increasing my life span, then screw em! I have doubled down on my meditation time, and deep breathing when I'm feeling overwhelmed. I will now respond to Naysayers with a very simple comment, "this is soley for my health, certainly you want to see me healthy". Thanks everyone, great knowing you all have my back too.

[rmckellips 23]

I figure no matter what u do in life people will be critical. Even if u lost weight on your own, there will always be someone negative or talking about you. So, yes, do what's best for u not them.